TabithainAlaska
07-18-2005, 07:23 PM
Hi,
I've always considered myself different. I feel as if a wall stands between me and everyone else. Very few breach that wall. I recently became a special education assistant, and have heard a lot of talk about Autism and the spectrum it covers. I got wondering if maybe, perhaps, I am somewhere on that spectrum. I took an on-line test, where 80% of people diagnosed with autism score 32 or above. I scored 37.
A quick rundown...I am very good at recognizing patterns, and have been told I would make a great detective, since I notice little details and can put it all together. I eat lunch alone, because eating the in teacher's lounge is stressful, and I just sit there and grin and try to look like I'm engaged in the conversation, and feel the need to be included, but never quite get there. Ditto most other social situations. It's like I want to have these "deep" relationships with people, but am constantly frustrated by my failure to achieve that. I've always been considered "shy", but I'm not afraid to get up and read in front of people. I would rather sit in the library and read than go to a social gathering. I lay my plans carefully, and have a hard time being spontaneous. I need time to adjust to changes in plans or situations. It seems once I have time to process it, I can make the transition quite well. I am considered to have a higher than average IQ. I am 47 years old, and have never seen a doctor for any of this.I dislike talking on the phone, too. I have never had many friends, especially of the type that keep in contact after one of us has moved away. In elementary and middle school, I was often an easy target for bullies.
I've always thought myself maladjusted, or very introverted, and have sought time after time to "come out of my shell", but still find myself very firmly cemented there. Am I alone in this, or are there actually others out there who experience the same things? Is there really an explanation for the way I am?
Tabitha in Alaska
I've always considered myself different. I feel as if a wall stands between me and everyone else. Very few breach that wall. I recently became a special education assistant, and have heard a lot of talk about Autism and the spectrum it covers. I got wondering if maybe, perhaps, I am somewhere on that spectrum. I took an on-line test, where 80% of people diagnosed with autism score 32 or above. I scored 37.
A quick rundown...I am very good at recognizing patterns, and have been told I would make a great detective, since I notice little details and can put it all together. I eat lunch alone, because eating the in teacher's lounge is stressful, and I just sit there and grin and try to look like I'm engaged in the conversation, and feel the need to be included, but never quite get there. Ditto most other social situations. It's like I want to have these "deep" relationships with people, but am constantly frustrated by my failure to achieve that. I've always been considered "shy", but I'm not afraid to get up and read in front of people. I would rather sit in the library and read than go to a social gathering. I lay my plans carefully, and have a hard time being spontaneous. I need time to adjust to changes in plans or situations. It seems once I have time to process it, I can make the transition quite well. I am considered to have a higher than average IQ. I am 47 years old, and have never seen a doctor for any of this.I dislike talking on the phone, too. I have never had many friends, especially of the type that keep in contact after one of us has moved away. In elementary and middle school, I was often an easy target for bullies.
I've always thought myself maladjusted, or very introverted, and have sought time after time to "come out of my shell", but still find myself very firmly cemented there. Am I alone in this, or are there actually others out there who experience the same things? Is there really an explanation for the way I am?
Tabitha in Alaska