Aspies For Freedom

Here's the background.  I'm a forty year old single aspie man.  In recent months I've developed a close friendship with a single NT woman in her early thirties whom I've known for several years.  I often go to her flat in the evening, and we usually get quite drunk together, before I go home.  I've never stayed overnight.

Other friends have noticed our liaisons and have speculated that our relationship was more intimate than it has actually been.  She is amused by this, but has indicated I think that she didn't want it to develop in that direction.

Yesterday, she asked my to babysit her six-year old son at short notice, while she went out with her workmates.  She came back around midnight, fairly drunk, but not utterly plastered.  She then changed into a rather revealing nightgown.  I've never seen her wear anything like that before.  She dresses smartly, and sometimes sexily when she goes out, but in the home she usually quite frumpy, often changing into a pair of baggy pyjamas long before it's time for me to go.

What happened then is explained in the email I sent this morning:

So now I'm just waiting for a response, and feeling generally :oops:.  Time to check my email, I suppose.

I think you did absolutely the right thing to ask, and you did it in a good way, by email.

In the past I would be utterly confused by such things, and it wouldnt occur to me to ask either, I would end up avoiding things.

I now try myself to ask about things that I'm not certain of, and advise others to do the same.
NTs may be able to 'pick up' on things, and work them out, but a blunt question can bypass the endless wondering.  :smile:

Well the other shoe dropped, as I knew it must.  She didn't mean anything by it.  She changed into the nightdress because she was sore from being sunburned, and it was the least-chafing thing she had to wear.  (I couldn't see this, because she is brown-skinned)

So that's that, then.  :$

Oh well, at least you know.
Its good that you have a friendship with her anyway, even if its mainly drinking buddies. :smile:

It is much better to have asked and now knowing, than to  have wondered about what she meant by changing into the nighty forever. And your e-mail will hopefully have helped her understand you a bit better, which is good. Don't feel too embarrassed (even though I know it's easier said than done, I get embarrassed very easily), you did the right thing to ask.

Sunny

If even she meant something more a woman will always say that, They like spontaneity.

Like you need to test in the situation in the moment.  she is drunk and dresses revealing out fit. you can act playful and kid.  like  hold hand and say somethinglike you must have had a good time you look radiant and happy.

if not hold hands you can put your open palm on her shoulder in a very loose way . and chat friedly. be fluid allow her to move .

There is no talking about feelings nor the future. a woman like s to surprised in gentle manner.

But that then makes a 'planned spontaneity' which isn't spontaneous.

yes this irony is well documented lol

Sunny, you did the right thing by being direct and asking!!  At least you know in your mind what the situation was.  Would that everybody was more direct/honest in their thought's!!  World would be a helluva lot better place!!!

Peace

Of course, this is assuming that she was saying the truth of the matter. A lot of women are pretty shy in expressing their sexually feelings verbally and will rely on non-verbal hints. This is basically reinforced in society where good girls are not supposed to have access to their own sexual feelings. (This is why I love being an autie because I don't have that hangup.)

In fact, most of my problems have been with NTs because most NTs are really piss poor in expressing their feelings verbally and they get mad at you if you can't pick up their non-verbal signals, even if you point out that you can't read them. My NT boyfriend, after weeks of fighting over this, finally got the point. And he's particularly hard to read, but at least he doesn't lie about his feelings (which seems to be a typical NT habit. They lie to everyone about their feelings, especially themselves). But now he knows he has to let me know why he's grumpy. If I don't know why he's grumpy, my anxiety goes through the roof, but if I know why he's grumpy, well, it's not fun, but I can put up with it.

Still, I have found this to be my most successful pickup line to date: Go up to a cute guy and ask, "What's your face saying?" Guys can't resist this.  :lol: