06-12-2005, 11:58 PM
This is my guess:
Quote:
*John Shestack is on the computer while Portia Iverson is electrically shocking Dov and several other autistic kids. Both are cackling and wearing nazi uniforms, as they likely would be.*
John: Portia!
*Portia turns around to look at John.*
Portia: Don't distract me from my fun time! This is all the time I get to torture these guys!
John: No! It's an e-mail. I need help interpreting it.
Portia: Okay, but first can you pass the syringe? I need to remove most of Dov's blood to try to cure him again. Why doesn't it ever work?
John: Just do it! I can't read aspie language!
*Portia turns to the monitor and squints to try to make out the words.*
Portia: John, do you know where the dictionary is? I need help reading it. Even though we both have perfect social skills and can convince people to do anything we want them to do, both are IQs, when added, are zero. Yours is 304 and mine is 400, I tihnk.
*John thinks for a moment. His mind is filled with nothing but the thought of "curing" autistic people so they can go "Hail CAN!" all day long and do whatever they say.*
John: That would be wonderful, don't you think, honey?
Portia: What?
John: If only Dov could remember to say "Hail John and Portia!" and raise his arm up like this all day long then my plans would be complete.
Portia: No. Make them say "Hail CAN!". We would be nothing without all those wonderful lackeys we have!
John: In case you're wondering where the dictionary is, it's on the bookshelf.
Portia: Okay.
*Portia walks over to the bookshelf. It has a dictionary, but she can't read, so she pulls a book off there called The Littlest Elf instead. She walks back over to John and opens the book.*
Portia: I got it. Now read it.
John: I forgot something...I can't read either!
*John clicks "Reply" and presses "TAB" until he goes down to the box for the message to be typed in.*
John: Dear...Honey, what does that say?
Portia: I think it says "Stupid Face".
John: "Dear Stupid Face, Get a brain. I have a brain and an IQ of one million. If you have a brain and wish to keep it, then agree with us. We don't want money. We want autistic people to be tortured, err, live full and meaningful lives. In other words, we want them to be tossed away in the trash. Now join us or face the wrath of John Shestack and Portia Iverson NOW!"
Portia: Maybe you should have it ghostwritten by one of our servants, like all of them were.
John: Umm, possibly. They'll fall for that more easily.
*All this time, the autistic kids have been crying. Portia shocks them again.*
Portia: Now can I go back to torturing our future army?
John: Yes.
John: Portia!
*Portia turns around to look at John.*
Portia: Don't distract me from my fun time! This is all the time I get to torture these guys!
John: No! It's an e-mail. I need help interpreting it.
Portia: Okay, but first can you pass the syringe? I need to remove most of Dov's blood to try to cure him again. Why doesn't it ever work?
John: Just do it! I can't read aspie language!
*Portia turns to the monitor and squints to try to make out the words.*
Portia: John, do you know where the dictionary is? I need help reading it. Even though we both have perfect social skills and can convince people to do anything we want them to do, both are IQs, when added, are zero. Yours is 304 and mine is 400, I tihnk.
*John thinks for a moment. His mind is filled with nothing but the thought of "curing" autistic people so they can go "Hail CAN!" all day long and do whatever they say.*
John: That would be wonderful, don't you think, honey?
Portia: What?
John: If only Dov could remember to say "Hail John and Portia!" and raise his arm up like this all day long then my plans would be complete.
Portia: No. Make them say "Hail CAN!". We would be nothing without all those wonderful lackeys we have!
John: In case you're wondering where the dictionary is, it's on the bookshelf.
Portia: Okay.
*Portia walks over to the bookshelf. It has a dictionary, but she can't read, so she pulls a book off there called The Littlest Elf instead. She walks back over to John and opens the book.*
Portia: I got it. Now read it.
John: I forgot something...I can't read either!
*John clicks "Reply" and presses "TAB" until he goes down to the box for the message to be typed in.*
John: Dear...Honey, what does that say?
Portia: I think it says "Stupid Face".
John: "Dear Stupid Face, Get a brain. I have a brain and an IQ of one million. If you have a brain and wish to keep it, then agree with us. We don't want money. We want autistic people to be tortured, err, live full and meaningful lives. In other words, we want them to be tossed away in the trash. Now join us or face the wrath of John Shestack and Portia Iverson NOW!"
Portia: Maybe you should have it ghostwritten by one of our servants, like all of them were.
John: Umm, possibly. They'll fall for that more easily.
*All this time, the autistic kids have been crying. Portia shocks them again.*
Portia: Now can I go back to torturing our future army?
John: Yes.
Note that I had trouble deciding between to put this in here or in the Time Out forum.
