I am posting here, hope that it's the right place, because I could do with some advice at the moment.
My eldest AS son 18 next month does suffer from depression from time to time. We have had one hell of a year. His Grandad died June 27th last year and 4 days after the funeral his Grandmother took ill and even after a life or death operation, she lived, things are sill on-going. I myself am waiting to see a Neurologist with the posibility I may have developed a form of epilepsy. Last week Debbie died and David knows how upset that has made me and at the weekend another relative has died. I guess that all of this is now taking it's toll on David.
He is very concerned that he is having some very morbid thoughts about death that are really begining to scare him. I have tried talking this through with him but I could do with some advice on how to help him best? We see no one at all. David is between services we were told two years ago now. I do not even know if I want him to see anyone. Our dealings with professionals have never been good. David had a massive breakdown aged 11 and it took them two years and several wrong attemps to diagnose him. I really do not want David having another breakdown here - but I truly do not know what I should be saying to him?
thanks for listening.
Carole
Are the morbid thoughts part of a depression, or more of an obsessive compulsive type thing?
Or caused by anxiety? If he could define that it might help to understand the origin and deal with it.
However, it might be impossible for him to work that out.
Hi Amy,
I think they may be caused by anxiety? But when David is anxious he also becomes obsessive. But you have given me something to work on with him now.
thanks
Carole
You could find out some info on OCD, though there are crossovers with AS, info on OCD goes into more detail about morbid thoughts.
Greetings,
The fact that he is being scared by his own thoughts does seem to suggest OCD - or one aspect of it at least - basically what happens is you are aware that your mind is coming up with bizarre or unwanted thoughts but cant seem to do anything about it.
If it is OCD then he is unlikely to act on any of these thoughts. These types of thoughts always increase with stress as well and from what youve said it sounds like he is going through a very stressful time. If the problem is down to OCD then it should go away as the level of stress decreases.
None of this should be taken as gospel though - you should really see your doctor about it.
I think that it could be stress related and also having thought about it a HUGE change in the way we now live every day. During the last year our world has been turned upside down. David and I used to do things on a daily basis together - even if that was just shopping. But it gave him a point to his day. Now I spend part of every day either at a hospital or clinic and I am also the main carer for my Mother who now lives alone. I am an only child who just happens to have two children with ASD.
David is not suicidal quite the opposite he is terrified of death and also losing people he loves. I think that it could be OCD linked. I wish I could find a way to release the pressure but this is long term and maybe it's all just too much for David at the moment. I know that my youngest is also feeling the strain now.
Thanks for your replies and support.
Carole
Carole said "David and I used to do things on a daily basis together - even if that was just shopping. But it gave him a point to his day."
I know what you mean with this, I try to do something little every day, to give a point to the day, it does help give a routine too.
If he is home alone all day out his usual routine, is this making his problem worse? He doesn't like to go out alone? Then you could telephone him during the day. You could also leave him a note of activites he could do that day, some chores or what he likes to do.
At least he is talking to you about how he feels.
I can't think of anything else.
I can only say what helped me when I had depressive and suicidal thoughts. They were (and sometimes are) definitely related to negative-emotional stress (death of my brother and grandma when I was 17, frightening future, divorce etc.) and they were not easy to handle.
I found it helpful to have beloved people around me who talked and gave me positive thinking of the future. It did not help me (might be different to others) talking about the things that frightened me, even thinking of them made me feel more horrible. Deflecting/diverting and finding something to work on was the best method for me to go on. And as I see on my own AS son, he can't bear talking bout problems either.
I try to get myself into living with those time-to-time-depressions. Then I let them come and after some days I try to find something for myself to get me out of it.
Hope, you can help your son. I know how bad a mother feels when the children have problems one can't help to solve.
Sibylle
Hello Carole. I hope you are finding good ideas here. I believe you can support your children, you are their peace and security. They can be secure too.
at the moment i am having some troubles, but i have a small time everyday where i am forgiving myself and calm. i write a little. I am not expecting to feel good just a little peace. Being in between and waiting for services is a frustrating place to be in. Worrying about not being able to do the right thing is hard too.
Maybe what professionals do is sometimes disruptive to your son, maybe this time it will turn out ok. Until then you can make the time easier. I cannot talk very well to people at the moment verbally, but i am writing everyday what happens and dating it, i am putting down how i am thinking and what i do.
even though it is hard right now, we are all learning.
becca