Aspies For Freedom

At my church last Sunday, which was on Matthew 13:24-30, the interpretation the pastor came up with (which was very nearly the same as what I'd interpreted) was basically, that God wants us to be seed-sowers rather than weed-pullers - in that, because wheat can often look like weeds, a person who focuses on pulling all the weeds will undoubtedly pull out the wheat, too, and so we should focus on sowing seeds, and growing and doing good things, rather than trying to pull out all the things we think of as weeds, as it is human nature to make mistakes, or something.

She likened people who decry gays as sinners to being "weed-pullers" who are trying to tear away at the things they see as weeds. The parable also made me think about autism, as there's so many people who look at an autistic person, and their mind and prejudices flash "a weed", and they zealously go out trying to pull the weeds out, not even seeing that they are actually pulling out more wheat.

Yeah, it's like how when I was at my mom's work or with her co-workers, they'd ask me if I had a boyfriend yet. I just said no, didn't mention that a boyfriend was out of my plans, considering as this is my mom's workplace, and while I haven't seen any blatant homophobia from them, I wouldn't chance it, as some of her bosses and co-workers make it tough enough on her already.

And, there's the all too common phenomenon of someone who seems open and accepting when talking about gay people, but will suddenly become uneasy and distant if they find out that you're gay.

I remember when I was very young, two of my dolls (who were women) were married. I saw absolutely nothing "weird" about it. A couple years later, I had the distinct impression that marriage was something that a man and a woman did (which it is, but not exclusively).

Also another thing that helped me, because I was bummed at the idea that gay people couldn't marry, was that my dad taught me not to overly value what government tells you is "official", so that while it's definitely something to change (already in CA whoo hoo!), I think that is a healthy way to view marriage. Because even if you're not religious and don't believe in that aspect of it, what makes a marriage real is the love between the partners and their sharing of lives together.

So while I'm glad that I'm living in a world where (at least where I live and hopefully more places in the near future), I could legally marry the partner of my choice, I am glad that for me, the reasons why I want same-sex marriage legal is because of the rights denied to gay couples who aren't legally married and because of the fact that equality in marriage is a right that goes far beyond marriage, and not because I give a hoot about what the government thinks is really a marriage. I think it's because, while social equality has to do with making things right in the external world, whereas the internal validity of a relationship shouldn't depend on these things.

I do plan to raise a child at some point when I'm older (first have to go to college, get work, meet a partner, all that stuff - plenty of time, no rush!), and while things will probably get increasingly better for same-sex couples, I'm glad that I'm living this time, both to see these changes and to participate in them. I think the legal marriages will be a great step towards improving equality with adoption and such, though as with all prejudices, it seems, it will be the subtle attitudes of employers, schools, co-workers, and others that will die the slowest death, and which I'll almost certainly have to battle for my life. Good thing that I have had such fortune in my upbringing, to accept myself and get myself into gear for facing these things.

Great summary, Korrigan! It was hard enough to summarize an hour-long sermon!

I'm putting this in my quote book...

: Don't tell me he's locked in the vault with us.

: He's locked in the vault with us!

: I asked you not to tell me that!

The main point of mine is that, if society didn't make such a big deal about non-heterosexual orientation, that it wouldn't be a drastic different direction, and no more stressful than talking about a heterosexual person's relationships (as stressful as that can be!)

Anyway, I don't assume that that type of reaction means that the person hates gay people or anything like that. It just means that they were brought up in a society that says that being gay is shock value, is an eerie kind of unusual, rather than just another variation that you come to expect. Although, some people do take it to extremes that show really ingrained prejudice, like someone who stops talking to another person once they find out they're gay.

I can really picture Sheldon from Big Bang Theory asking this question. It just SCREAMS socially unusual.

Apt for an AS forum.

Yeah, I haven't heard the "Guess what? I'm gay!" line since the day I came out to my friends and my parents. Maybe aspies who aren't used to fitting stuff in subtly would go with that approach, though even so I doubt it'd take the form of "Hello! I am Bob and I'm gay!" much like I don't remember introducing myself at college orientation as a lesbian.

I think it'd be a great idea if they made a movie which is basically a mirror of a coming-out experience, except that the person coming out is straight, and it's like a Twilight Zone thing. "Mom, Dad...I have to tell you something. I'm...straight." Much like that mysterious chalk line on the asphalt...do do do do do do do do... "Life isn't a kumquat?"

Also acceptance of a minority group can vary drastically from region to region, and also in other locations. Such as, at my high school I went to, it was a VERY accepting place, to the point where sexual orientation wasn't an issue for most people. This was more or less an island of acceptance in a conservative, not-gay friendly county.

Then a lot of the prejudice and discrimination is not easily seen by those who do not experience it. For instance, even at the high school, in one of my classes, some girls went "eww" at the idea of lesbians. Just because I wouldn't want to have sex with a man doesn't mean I'd go around saying, "Straight girls - eww."

This can also be the case with autistics - the school psychologist, who had at first seemed to be very understanding, as he didn't touch my belongings intrusively or get mad at me for answering test questions wrong.

Then, when he's talking to my mom, he describes me as degrading and shows clear lack of understanding of auditory, memory and executive functioning issues that I have communicated to him and mostly are prevalent among autistics and basically blames me for being bad.

So there's still lots of work to be done, for other prejudices too such as racism, because if you're not seeing prejudice and discrimination firsthand, that doesn't mean it's necessarily non-existent - just more easy to hide, because the discrimination is no longer socially acceptable at that particular location.

That's another good point - a lot of times things like racism and homophobia, even if prevalent and at times severe, can go under the radar to many people who are not themselves experiencing tit.

Like, I thought that there wasn't racism anymore when I was a young teenager, and then on a summer school bus observed terribly overt racism, but a lot of people don't observe the terribly overt stuff, and so assume it doesn't go on.

Then, when something much more subtle, like a racist or homophobic comment, gets observed, many people will just ignore it, let it by, accept or even construct feeble excuses of it being "just humor" or "not really prejudiced" and dismiss offended people as being overly sensitive, because this is more comfortable to do than to question the ideas of what is unacceptable, and what exists.

Most people are resistant to altering an existing worldview, sadly, and even people who work hard to not let this set in, still slip up, sometimes terribly (myself as an example - have been working hard to overcome my tendency to passively "let it by" as if it were harmless).

I don't know about relative prevalences, but most of the time the homophobia I've seen in girls and women is of the "eww, lesbian" type of comments, whereas boys and men seem more likely to become physically threatening, or at least be so aggressive in their remarks as to appear like it. But definitely, for both sexes, there seems to be less homophobia directed at the person who is the opposite sex from them (such as a straight guy and a lesbian, or a straight gal and a gay guy).

It probably has a lot to do not only with the straight person wanting to prove their "straightness" to themselves, but also to the wider group of society. After all, even someone who isn't personally that uncomfortable around gay people, may succumb to social pressures to go along with a homophobic joke or comment, as they may be targeted if they don't let it go by.

For instance, my dad said he wouldn't feel too comfortable crying at a theater. Not because he thinks it would diminish his masculinity or orientation or whatever, and he has cried from movies at home and teared up, but because in this society anyway, a guy could easily cop some flak for that. Even people secure in themselves face needless societal pressures regarding gender roles and conformity.

Yikes! Not surprising, but sheesh. What would really be some rough justice for him would be if he flirted with a lesbian and she kicked his ***! My, my. Sounds like he's someone who has something to prove, either to himself or others. Understandable where that attitude comes from, but unfortunately for him violence is inexcusable, and not going to get any special sympathy from me.

I think you meant it the other way around. I got your point.

"please don't flatter yourself"
I'll remember that one.

Yeah, my mom used to watch Ricki Lake, around the same time I was 12 and my sister was watching Jenny Jones after taking me home from school, and I would plug my ears with headphones to listen to the Going For the One CD by Yes while writing or playing Sonic games on the computer.