Aspies For Freedom

That's what I feel like every time I end up in the same looped discussion over and over again on one NT ASD board:

http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/toddler/...ad/2102184

Here's the topic I'm referring to.

Because their kids must be unhappy and all, everyone must not have a great future and all... um... go find yourselves a study to do on autistic adults for outcomes and how many want a cure... you'll be surprise you silly NT parents with hatred for autism.

I have stopped going to NT "Curebie Parents" Forums-especially OASIS.  It frustrates me to no end to read boards like the ones you have linked to.  I just cannot understand their point of view.  I especially hate it when the say their children have Autism and Mercury Poisoning.  To my knowledge, Mercury Poisoning causes "Autistic like" symptoms, which would explain them being "cured" through chelation.  Also, if Mercury is to blame why are there Autistics who have never been vaccinated or exposed to Mercury?  I think that some parents (my husband included) are hopeful for a cure because it comforts them to know that their children will be accepted by society.  Doesn't it make more sense to try to increase societies acceptance of "uniqueness" than to try to mold unique individuals to be "normal".  I am a logical thinker and I cannot understand the illogical arguments that these "curebie" parents are trying to convey (my husband included).

Here's a link to a game that might make these kinds of Forums more fun:
http://www.autistics.org/library/bingo.html

OASIS is curebie? Didn't know.

I am not sure if OASIS is curebie...but I know a lot of the parents on the message board are (or at least were about a year ago when I stopped participating).  I just got tired of hearing them complain about how bad their kids are and what could they do to stop them from being so bad.  In OASIS's defense though, I did get positive support at times...but that was also when I was looking for a cause and a cure-needless to say my attitude has changed a lot since then.

Saint Stevie:

I am assuming that you are unhappy because you are unpopular.  I relate to that because I felt that way for a long time.  I am still unpopular but I have never been happier.  

Learning about Asperger's Syndrome is what changed my attitude.  It explained all of the questions I had been asking myself my whole life (like: Why can't I make/keep friends?  Why am I not interested in fashion?  Why can't I carry on a conversation? etc., etc.).  Now I know that I am fine and it's the one's who don't accept me the way I am that need to change.  I would never trade the way I am (intelligent, logical, honest, original) to be like everyone else (not always smart, very illogical, occasionally dishonest, unoriginal).  I hope that someday you can see the positive aspects of AS and learn to love yourself the way you are.  If you are unhappy because others aren't as accepting of you as you would like, then wouldn't it be more logical to encourage acceptance rather than change who you are?
***points to quote in signature***

I wonder why people like that even have kids, if they can't accept whatever their kids are.  

Saint Stevie, that's why I love Lisa Simpson so much.  She's incredibly intelligent, but she's very trodden-upon and sad.  Very much like me, and most aspies.  I often think 'wouldn't it be wonderful if I was just a happy idiot, blissfully unaware of anything important', but I really think being a sad genius is better...

Are these real quotes, or just made up?

There were only a couple on there I hadn't seen before used in arguments by the ignorant. It was both funny and sad seeing them altogether like that.

Yes I have to agree - 'choice' is not the right word. There seem to be a few Aspies who can monitor themselves so well that they can 'act' in the first place, and who can easily learn to read body language etc. by rote but many of us seem to find this very hard (perhaps to do with mono-tasking, you can't do something and observe yourself at the same time?) so while there is a choice to 'try' and adapt, whether or not you are able to 'act' is not really a question of choice.

Stevie as an NT parent I find what you say very disturbing, I feel it is my duty to defend my sons differences and allow him to be happy and as confident as possible with himself. I can not understand that you want to change who you are?  What benefits do you think you will gain from a Cure? You say it will allow you to do the things that you want to but can't, what sort of things?  I also find it hard to understand why you want to be able to feel what people think of you, being confident in yourself should be enough to allow you to meet people who also like the positive side of you. I don't know your circumstances but you say you have to act NT to be among your friends. What sort of friends are they if you have to put on an act and pretend to be someone your not? NTs do this as well - I have done it in the past to get friendly with the 'in crowd' only to find out that being in with the 'in crowd' is not all its made up to be and I soon found that does not lead to happiness. So pretending to be someone your not whether you are NT, AS or whatever gets you a life of misery. You have not mentioned anything positive in your post about yourself, everyone has strengths and weaknesses you only seem to have posted about your weaknesses it would be nice to hear about your strengths.
The reason why I’m asking so many questions is that I can relate to what you are saying about being high functioning and wanting company with my son and I would hate to think that he will grow up being unhappy with who he

Nobody's done that with me in 36 years - if it was going to happen it would have done by now..... I only ever get any degree of "acceptance" by p"utting on an act" - that tells me all I need to know.[/quote]

So am I right in assuming that your parents never accepted you for being who you are?  

Paula: "Stevie as an NT parent I find what you say very disturbing, I feel it is my duty to defend my sons differences and allow him to be happy and as confident as possible with himself. I can not understand that you want to change who you are?  What benefits do you think you will gain from a Cure?"

What does Stevie's wish to get help with specific things that bother him have to do with your son?

If Stevie wants to be cured then that is Stevie's business - who are you to tell others how they are allowed to feel about their difficulties?

I don't understand the fuss - each of us is allowed to feel about our difficulties the way we feel. Personally I don't give a rats' about being accepted, but there are some things I would love to change if I could.

Feeling cut off from the world can be horrible and I don't think it means Stevie must "almost be NT" as Amy suggested, nor do I think it has anything to do with how Stevie's parents acted or felt. It's similar to depression - if someone feels bad, you can't just "love them better".

Would you tell someone whose child was born without legs, and the child is depressed about their difficulties, that they should just accept their child as he or she is, and then the child will be happy again?

Noetic
I'm sorry if you feel that I am trying to tell Stevie how he should think and feel, that is certainly not my intention. The reason I ask is because he is the first person I have come across that wants to be cured of his AS, I am not talking about comorbid conditions if he has any just the AS.
I agree with you if Steve wants to be cured then that is his wish I just want to understand.
Having suffered with depression for many years I wish I could just be loved out of it. Sadly it is an illness that pills alone will not cure.  But I do have a theory that if you are subjected to a lot of critisism over time it can make things worse.

As for the child with out legs I hope the parents would love them as they are and offer them all the support a child needs. As I said deppresion is an illness - completely differnet from feeling down in the dumps or blue.

Once again I appologise if I have offended anyone it was not my intention, and if Stevie wishes me to remove my post I will. I am only trying to find out the best way in which I can help my own Son. As you have pointed out Love only you gets you so far.

Great post, lilbangladesh!  Very positive and insightful!  Do you have a blog in which you write about autism and disability issues?  If not, you should!

You could use your net nickname.   :smile:   I don't use my real name on the net either, for the same reason (and I often end up confusing people with my various aliases, though not intentionally).

I work in legal publishing, and yes, it's a very good match for my temperament.  The company lets me work at home... can't get much better than that.  Of course, I have to be careful that I don't end up spending all day on Internet forums!   :lol:

I hope things improve for you, lilbangladesh (and Amy too).

Fortunately I don't have anyone harassing me in real life.  I'm just being cautious because there's no way of knowing when a nosy manager might do a google search to see what an employee has posted and where.  (My manager doesn't seem to be particularly nosy, but again, you just never know.)