Aspies For Freedom

[Originally posted on the general forum but told that this might be a more appropriate forum. It's my first post, so I'm still trying to find my way around.]

I'm the father of a five-year-old autisitic boy. He's at primary school and we are lucky that he has a statement of SEN. We are even more fortunate that he is in a specialist resource base, attached to a mainstream primary.

He's been there nine months. The school has a wonderful ethos, he gets near 1-to-1 support from staff specifically trained in ASD and is taken into the mainstream class on an increasingly frequent basis.

He's bright, verbal (though clearly disordered at times and restricted in terms of pragmatics) and thriving. Until a couple of weeks ago, he would skip into school, face beaming, greeting the teachers, as happy as could be.

But the last couple of weeks have seen a change. He's anxious on the way to school, tearful, complains of a headache, a bellyache, being tired. He had his first major tantrum in school last week.

At some level, it's no mystery. He says he's worried about the computer in the mainstream reception class. There's a voice on the computer he doesn't like. I'm worried lest the anxiety this voice is causing colours his whole attitude to school.

The staff are fully aware and talk to him about it. They've continued to take him into the class and say this causes absolutely no problem. Once he's in there, he's quite happy, mucks in, does his stuff and seems unconcerned about the computer. He makes no mention of it once he comes home from school.

However, the next morning, the anxiety reappears.

So, can anyone shed any light on what might be distressing him and how best to go about dealing with his fears.

Thanks.

Is there any chance to stop this voice in the computer?
You can be thankfull that he is able to tell you.
Our nine year old has severe difficulties in explaining what bothers him, because only the thinking of it may cause a tantrum.
It sometimes took us days or weeks to find out.
Now it's your or the staff's turn to act, and take care of that voice.


This advice helped me
-a lot                                      � �        [ ]
-a little                                              [ ]
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Is this voice on the computer there the whole day? Or is it just in the morning, to start the day?
Maybe the staf and your kid could think of a place in the classroom were he'd feel safe when the computer bothers him. Maybe you could ask your kid to help think of a solution. Just talking and drawing to find out what exactly is the problem.
When you talk it can help to have a piece of paper between you to draw on. It may help you visualise what is happening when. And maybe it will be easier pinpointing the core of the problem.

Good luck the two of you.

Maybe the voice reminds him of a voice he heard somewhere else.

I like the idea of getting him to suggest a solution though I have a feeling there may not be a direct solution. I think the specific computer issue is being used by him to express a more general sense of anxiety. It may be that he enjoys being in the comfy, quiet resource base so much, that the computer in the reception class is just his way of saying he doesn't want to be taken out of his comfort zone.

The fact is that, once he goes into the mainstream class, he's fine and has a good time.

Thanks to everyone for their response.

Hello Blockhead, ici Ilja:

before I continue: I'm Dutch.

Ok, when I had a (real!) headache or bellypain in my (mid-)school days it was simply straight forward because some of the kids bullied me & the others seem to agree with that.
My parents told me they did because they were jealous of my abilities. My father, not only a pacifist but also a Dutch champion boxer, told me how & that is was allowed to defend myself. Besides that...

I read it's has something to do with going to computer class. However when he is working at the computer there seems to no problem.
Therefore, by trial & error, You can assume it might have something to do with the computerclass or it's environment.
(It's difficult to tell for me from behind the screen, but even NT kids could have the same symptoms in the same situation, I can't tell.)

Dutch academic hospitals found out some years ago that over 50% of any headache were due to a psychological false in thinking. Get rid of the false, Your headache is gone.

The bellypain, if not really physical & possible by Autists, is anxiety about the anticipation for what can happen (in the near future). This is for Your kid an absolute reality, instinctively. Fear.

I have a friend whoes also Autistic. He is a graphic computer lay-out specialist. He can tell You at a glance of the monitor Your computer is working (in his eyes) on a wrong frequency &\or resolution. You can test this by asking the systemadministrator to try different settings of the monitor. Also check environment illumination (bulb or tl, could interfere with the monitor).

This is again a physical problem: Autistics are very sensitive for light &\or stroboscopic effects (epileptic).

That's all I can tell You now for what I know.

Ilja. _\\//

Question?

Is the problem the same every morning?
Could it be the anxiety has become a, non functional, part of a ritual. (false thinking?)

If that is the case maybe you can work out a new routine with him, without the anxiety part.

Dutch autism researchers have also found that anxiety and depression in ASC children with average or higher intelligence is best treated by helping them in thinking. It does take a gifted psychologist to help children discover the flaws in their thinking that leads to anxiety and depression, because an ASC kid will think further and with more stamina than most kids.

But finding out if there is real ground for the anxiety has to be done too. If a certain flickering or tremor in sound is hurting a cognitive talk with a psychologist won't work.

Does he understand that the anxiety is temporary? Because if he internalized that, then he could just "ride it out". I learned to do that with nightmares and they hardly even bother me anymore. Only works if you still have the ability to see past the present when you're anxious, of course.

[. . .Continued from the General Forum version]

Whatever the problem may be, don’t talk to him as if he were a child –even though he is–. The thought processes of an Aspie are at the extreme end of the literal and the pragmatic. That, therefore, is how you must talk to one. Trying to sugarcoat an issue will only cause distrust, trying to dance around an issue will only cause confusion, and trying to explain an issue through metaphor will only cause frustration.
Ever wonder why Aspies have such an easier time understanding technical documents than most people, while at the same time have difficulty appreciating or contributing to meaningless small-talk?

If you want to talk to your son about what’s going on, you must do so in the same way you would as if you were conducting a business meeting.
“This is the situation. Here’s what’s happening. This is what I think. This is what you think. And here is what we need to find out.”
Of course, given that your son is five, you need to keep this as simple as possible and use small words. But the point remains. Keep pragmatic and literal. No sugarcoating, no dancing, and no metaphors –similes are okay as long as you explicitly state that the comparison is nothing more than a similarity for the sake of understanding, and there’s no actual connection between the two subjects–.

Couldn't the people at the school do something so the bad voice doesn't come out of the computer any more?

I think that the idea of breaking the cycle is important. (before the cycles gets too ingrained and too hard to break out of or what if the fear gets imbedded too deeply) That is what I did for my sons' last few weeks of school - As I described earlier in the thread, he balked for the first time this past year, 5th grade.... The morning routine was kept the same -and as he has no idea of the time (he tells time but does not pay attention to it) I added a trip to dunkin donuts - for hot chocolate one day and made hot tea at home on another - he drank it in the car - so the last 10 minutes he was distracted- he forgot to worry.  That and I took him to a different door to his school - under the premise of the garbage can where he needed to throw his napkin...