Aspies For Freedom

Hello to all of my great friends. I have missed you all so much.

I stopped posting here for a million reasons, the biggest was that my husband had asked for a divorce and threatened to hold my aspie-ness against me in court. He still could, hard to know.

Things got really, really ugly really, really fast. He was very horribly disillusioned and seemed to think that upon hearing that he was cheating and wanted our marriage to end, that I should say something along the lines of, "Hey, that's great. Well lets go get a smoothie together." I was totally heartbroken, most of you probably got all that.

So we stayed with my parents for almost a month before I realized that all I was really doing was running away from my problems and that wasn't the right thing to do. So I filed papers on him in our home state. (There's a bit more to it than that, but for clarity's sake I'm summarizing liberally.)

Then we moved back to our home city. That seems really weird considering that I have no family there, but it really was the right thing to do. Our whole family was really connected at our church before and they really pulled together to help us when we got back in town. We moved back after being with my family for two months. When we got back we weren't 'allowed' back into our house... I could have sequestered it, but then I would have had to pay the bills and I didn't have a job... I also didn't want to live in a place where 'who-knows-what' had happened. So wrong for us to be there.

So some amazing people I had only barely known from my church took us in. They had a gigantic house with an extra room for me and an extra for the girls. They fed us and were the most giving and amazing people that exist in the world.

So lots of other amazing things happened in short order. Within a week of moving back I had a job that was in my career field. This job allows me to work part-time so I can be with the kids AND pays me well enough that I can still pay the bills and live more comfortably than we did before. Judgement was passed on support and I am very well provided for on that end. Within a month of moving out here I had found a place for us to live, and we moved in by the end of the second month. I was given some of our furniture, but people from my church donated and loaned everything else... and they are better and nicer things than what we ever had before. Some friends of mine are coming this weekend to paint the inside of our new place for us... a colorful place- a dream of mine.

So I am sending this from my new place. The bills are paid, the children are asleep and I am free to deal with the emotions of everything on my own level, without the worries of money that were always so stressful before.

Not that its absolutely wonderful, there are still problems to be had... custody battle being the biggest. We'll see, we may still be able to settle. There is still a whole lot to be done, but the girls and I are very well taken care of.

Anyway, I'm sorry for leaving you all hanging like that. Things just hit me all at once.

Oh yea, this will probably be the bigger bombshell... I started seeing a therapist and she said I don't have Asperger's. She said I was the victim of emotional abuse and was really, really depressed about the life I was living and was acting like someone who has AS.  I'm not completely convinced either way, but the likely-hood of me going in voluntarily for testing is much less likely now than it ever was before. It is a relief to know trying to hold it against me could potentially blow up in his face, however.

  So anything good been going on in my absence?

Wow...

My first thought is that I'm really, really glad to see you here again.

My second is that you and Hyke and Jewelie need to to have a loooooong talk...

Well, Aspie or not, we've really missed you.

It is wonderful to read that you and the girls are doing so well!

And that you have such good friends!

And if you are officially NOT Aspie - then you have way less to worry about come the custody 'discussions'.

After all, it makes not a jot's difference to us - we all love you whatever your official diagnosis!

WELCOME
BACK
SARAH!

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Welcome back! *grins* I'm really glad things are working out well(ish) for you.

It's times like these I wish I could give amazing advice on demand - for now I'll just say <Insert great advice here>.

Thanks all.   Yes, things are all over the place. Most of it is good though and I'm happy that they've turned out so well, they could be very, very wrong.

P.S. Nothing about any of the diagnosis stuff was official. I am fairly certain that she didn't know loads about AS, but at the same time in the last six months I have seen a completely different side of myself. I have aced interviews, met new people, paid my bills on time, balanced my budget, etc. So it is a resounding no if it needs to be, open to interpretation if it needs to be. (Felt I should clarify)

I'm still just amazed that everything has turned out as well as it has. I am fairly confident that at some point the 'other woman' dumped him. I'm not sure where things are. I'm trying to open my brain up to the idea that he is the type that will always have a girlfriend, so that I can be ready for the painful eventuality of me seeing him with someone. I'm not quite sure what I would do about that.

Oh yea... I also wanted to tell you guys about my oldest daughter!

She's really upset about the divorce, understandably, especially since X doesn't really do right by here when she tries to talk to him about it.

Anyway, while with my parents she got really close to their dog and seems to have overcome most of her gigantic fears. She's still plenty anxious about lots of things, but can pet a dog and survive a thunderstorm moreso than she could before all of this started.  Mostly the things she's anxious about not are very horrible things that make me want to cry. She had nightmares about 'daddy's girlfriend' (before I knew that there was one...) and she asks me questions like, "who gets the money in a divorce?" because he is apparently talking to her about money, or at least she is making the connection that money is tight. When we were living with someone else she started bringing extra food home from school because she was anxious that our friends' generosity would require reciprocation. For quite some time her favorite song was, "I miss you" by Hannah Montana- that was written for her dead grandfather.

I had had her in therapy and got her in with the school therapist (who is awesome!). She has always been very anxious so its not really that surprising that she is acting out so much when things are so very stressful for her. It also doesn't help that her dad isn't working that hard at keeping a regular schedule... that makes it hard for all of us!

On the plus side of all that... she's still a super smart kid. She finished kindergarten with a reading level test. The teacher had her stop at second-grade reading level because my daughter started to get tired. (Its apparently a thorough test made much longer by good reading skills.) So basically, second grade is where the test stopped, but she's probably much higher than that.

Oh yes, and she still bites her nails incessantly and loves her 'chewy' chewlery.  

edit, second paragraph should say 'now' not 'not'. I was trying to say that before her fears were child-related and now her fears are adult fears and worries, things she has no business worrying about.

Welcome back, Sarah.

Welcome back Sarah.  I've been wondering how things were going for you. Glad things are starting to look up for you. I've missed you.

Welcome back Sarah,

I'm glad to read how your life is changing in a way that is beneficial to you. Hope the rest will work out OK too.

Hi Sarah, and welcome back!

Tomorrow I'm moving to the second house, both provided by churches, I'll have lived in since I left my husband and two weeks ago I came face to face with his girlfriend for the first time!  Seems like we have a few things in common.

Would be good to meet up in pm once I'm back on-line.

Right now I really should be putting things in boxes, not on AFF!

I have wondered how things were going for you, and am so glad that things are going well. Consider yourself cyber-hugged.