I wonder if I'm the only one who has trouble using the hand gestures that others use while driving. For example, when someone lets you over in front of them in traffic or lets you pull out of a driveway, and you are then supposed to wave to say "Thank You". I always feel really uncomfortable when I have to do this...is it an Aspie thing or does everyone find this awkward?
I found driving on its own so difficult I had to quit lessons.
It doesn't hurt to wave to say "thank you." I usually give a "thumbs up" response. What can hurt is to react with negative signs to dumb things other drivers too like cutting you off, honking rudely etc. I used to flip these jerks off but with the road rage people out there, I just ignore them. If there is a light ahead and I have to be in the lane next to some driver who has offended me, I avoid any eye contact.
Jerry Newport
I always wave at a driver who lets me in; it is just good manners and feels perfectly natural to me.
The thing that I'm not sure about is what gesture to use when I want to say, "I'm sorry," as when I unintentionally cut someone off. Usually I shrug my shoulders and throw my arms up in the air the way an Italian does when he wants to say, "I don't know," but I'm not sure whether my gesture is interpreted correctly. Does anyone here know of a gesture to use to say, "I'm sorry," while driving?
Once I accidentally cut off a motorcyclist, even though I'm very respectful of motorcyclists. I used to have a motorcycle myself, and I know how careless and even intentionally viscious some people are to motorcyclists, so I always try to be extremely careful around motorcyclists. In this instance I was moving into the right lane, and I turned my head to check my blind spot on the right before changing lanes, but he must have been right behind the post on my right side, because I could not see him at all. After I changed lanes I saw him in my rear view mirror, and he was giving me the finger (which I can't blame him for, since he probably thought I was trying to kill him). I gave him the "I'm sorry" gesture, but for the next few minutes he followed me closely, giving me the finger the whole time. I wanted to say, "Hey, I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry; I'm a biker, too, but I just didn't see you," but he didn't seem to understand my gesture.
Now don't anyone here make any negative comments about bikers, becuase I'm still a biker-at-heart myself.
I couldn't resist this one as I drive for a living. Fluxmaster asked how to say I'm sorry when you unintentionally cut off another driver. My advice is to do just like the wave except to keep up the hand an additional second(s). Shrugging the shoulders is showing exactly what you said - you don't know - you don't know what?? how to drive?? this sends a confusing message to an already possibly p**ed off driver. I won't give the "thumbs up" either - at a distance this may be misinterpreted for "the finger."
Also won't feel awkward about the whole "waving" thing as this passes on kindness and goodwill to other drivers. It's not necessary to look the other directly in the eye, by waving you have acknowledged the persons kindness, that's all. I have difficulty looking people in the eye so wearing sunglasses
while driving helps, that way by simply turning your head in their direction other people think your looking at them.
I believe it's all motorist responsibilities to be aware and give plenty notice of future actions: For example - many people do not use the turn signal, why? - I know YOU know where your going , however everyone else around you does NOT. Why put on headlights during the day?so you can see...no....so others can see you better.
Many times motorists drive too quickly and carelessly they do not give others a chance to react safely :shock: .
Wow! Thanks for the good advice.
I don't think I would give anyone the finger. The way my husband talks about other drivers when we're out, I am sure if he had a gun he would shoot at someone's car. He doesn't have a gun. I am afraid of people who do have guns in their cars.
I don't drive much anymore. My biggest problem is with drivers behind me while I am waiting to turn. I have trouble judging speed and distance so I am always extra caution when making turns. Someone behind is always impatient and hooking. I won't go until I feel safe to go. Sometimes they don't see the pedestrians that I can see.
I get anxious turning left at busy intersections. I am talking about driving on the right side of the road. Often I will make three right hand turns around a few blocks to avoid turning left. The driving school taught me that. They also taught me how keep safe distances between myself and the car in front for stopping. You can count poles along the side of the road. Also when coming to an intersection, you say "I think I can stop, I think I can stop, and then I can't stop" and go through if the light is amber. Otherwise if you slam on the brakes at an amber light the person behind will hit you. I don't think I explained that well.
I hate driving over narrow or high bridges and during snow storms. I tend to drive too slowly. I also hate parking in small spaces like garages. I close my eyes when my husband parks and even when he drives sometimes.
I didn't get my driver's licence until I was 21 yrs old. I went to a driver's school and took many many extra in-car lessons. The instructor was amazed that I passed the first time. I had an extremely lenient examiner. I made lots of mistakes but I think he passed me because I was very polite (and hell, I was very pretty then). Then my parents never never let me borrow their car. I bought my own car about 6 years later. I was too scared to drive it on major streets or the highway for about the first two months. I practiced driving around side streets by myself. I got my younger brother to come with me to practice on the highway for a while until I could drive myself.
So aspies, don't give up hope with your driving troubles. Practice.
Thanks for the advice, thornycactus.
Regarding turn signals, I always use them, even when no one is around. To paraphrase Bill Gates, "Its the car (or motorcycle) that you don't see that you have to worry about." I especially use them around pedestrians, because pedestrians need to know what you're doing, too.
Further thoughts on the "thumbs up" sign:
The only time I use the "thumbs up" sign in a vehicle is when I'm following another vehicle in a convoy. I use it right before setting out, to signal to the lead driver that I am ready to follow him.
In many cultures, the thumbs-up sign has the same meaning as the middle finger in American culture. (I was going to say "our" culture, but not all members of this board are Americans, and I'm not sure what other cultures use the middle finger in that way.) Also, the OK sign formed by putting the thumb and index finger together means "zero" in some cultures, or can represent a female phallic symbol.
I also read somewhere that the use of thumbs-up and thumbs-down in gladiator bouts was invented by Hollywood. In ancient Rome, thumbs-up meant "kill." And, if you think about it, that makes sense, since an upright thumb can represent either a sword or a male phallic symbol. To indicate that the gladiator's life should be spared, the spectator would place his left palm on top of his right fist, to indicate putting his sword back into its sheath.
Another hand signal that can be misinterpreted is the "come here" singal. I read that a Latin American immigrant woman once took her little girl out of school because the crossing guard was using that signal to tell her daughter to cross the street, whereas in her culture it is used by men to proposition women to have sex.
Cultural misunderstandings can be amusing when they happen to other people.
Sorry, I didn't realize that I wasn't logged in; that last post was by me.
A good rule to live by: Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
Turning left: as you realize it's not a good idea to let someone "bully" you into doing something unwise. First rule of driving - Safety! And yet many people think they are a good driver cause they speed :roll: (anyone can press harder on the accelerator) or cause they're first in the pack of drivers(is it really necessary to be first all the time - at the peril of everyone around you)
There are different kinds of driving abilities out there.....some are inexperienced drivers, some are easily distracted- eg) cellphones/talking with passenger, some make incredibly bad choices and manoveurs - eg) why are you in the left lane when you know you have to turn right at the next light? or a U-turn in a busy intersection.
If you consider yourself a poor/inexperienced/lacking confidence driver than at the very least I urge you to stay off the roads during "rush hour". Not only is it more dangerous, but people are even more impatient! I personnally feel at this hour - only people who NEED to be on the road SHOULD be on the road.
I'm like you, in my car I'll go out of my way to not do a left turn, mostly cause at some intersections I feel like a "sitting duck." However in the job I have no choice. There are set routes and rules about which streets are allowed and always being in the right lane(exceptions of course).
And when the street is backed up with traffic, I know why I'm there, but I have no idea why other drivers remain on this street??
To beat the light or to stop safely: in Canada there is the red flashing hand for the pedestrians - count this - many times it's set for a certain number, if your familiar with the intersection and know it takes say 10 flashes than you will be able to judge whether you can make the light or if you should start slowing down. Unfortunately there are many other factors to consider, for example: is there a truck/bus right behind you?we take a long time to stop!; is there a left turner on the other side who looks like he is anxious to turn?; are there pedestrians in particular children near the intersection?children cannot judge speeds of vehicles! is there someone beside you that may dart in front thus cutting down your braking distance?etc etc. As you can see driving is not for the "faint-hearted"!
One of our drivers had a left turn accident last week.....a women and her children in a mini van thought she could beat the bus while making a left....she didn't beat the bus! Vans totaled but they are ok. Large vehicles should be afforded some respect - do you know how long it takes to stop a 14 ton vehicle going 60k??? In addition I have people nearly killed trying to stop my bus in order to get a ride.
We have a joke in the bus biz:
What's the last thing that goes through a person's mind when they get hit by a bus?
His a**hole
Safety Safety Safety :grin:
I'm a professional driver and they scare the he** out of me too.
Thing I hate the most about driving: I'm approaching a railroad crossing where there's not enough room on the other side to clear the tracks, so I stop on the near side of the tracks, as any sane person would do. Then the driver behind me puts his hand on the horn and leaves it there, trying to get me to stop on the railroad tracks.
People like that deserve to be shot. (And, no, that was not a figure of speach!) :smile:
Haven't driven for a few years due to losing my car. I was a very nervous driver and didn't get my licence till I was in my twenties. Highway driving and Sunday driving suited me better as there weren't so many other people driving on the road. I did not like "town" driving and hated parking unless it was centre parking.
One day, I hope to get my courage up to buy another car and start driving again but next time I will get an automatic. Trying to concentrate on several things at once was the hardest thing I found about driving and itis certainly consistent with having autism that I had that trouble.
I was possibly an overcautious driver so unfortunately copped a few tailgaters and people beeping their horns. I think I only ever gave someone the finger once and that was because they kept on tailgating me.
I find it really stressful when someone tailgates me. I usually put my fog lights on to make them backoff.