As many of you know, I have been here for several months, learning more about the people on the Autistic spectrum, in order to understand my family more, and more recently, in order to become an activist towards increasing world-wide understanding about the Autistic Spectrum and AS/NT relationships.
I wanted to share a personal experience with you that I thought was interesting...
I was waiting for the bus Friday morning, and was standing next to a well dressed man in a suit. I did not look at him in the face, I never really do that, but I noticed he was clean and well dressed.
I got on the bus and there were only a few seats left in the front. I got on and sat down, knowing I may lose my seat to an older or disabled person, but it was a short ride down the street for me.
The man in the suit sat down next to me. He began to ruffle through his briefcase, and mutter to himself. He was looking for something. He began to get more agitated, and he started to move his hands in an irregular way, and I cannot exactly describe the behavior, but it was repetitive and different than a normal hand gesture. He did this, he muttered to himself, which got louder, and he moved his head back and forth.
I had to take a moment to think, ok, um, is he alright, and then I thought, he may be autistic. This may be an upset or meltdown moment for him.
It took me a minute to realize that he was not upset with me, or dangerous, really, he was lost in himself and just needed to find what he was looking for or get off the bus.
It was a moment of realization for me. I just accepted him. He did not seem like he was going to harm me (my usual concern about people acting irregularly on the bus) and he was fine. He may have been autistic.
THIS IS WHAT I AM WORKING FOR! For the other 50+ people on the bus to STOP STARING at him. To realize that he just was having a bad moment. To BE ACCEPTING.
Self-realization. What an interesting thing.
right, so don't give up on this, stay around and keeping speaking your thoughts. It seemed to me that were well respected here, you seem to be reasonable in your thinking, maybe it just will take awhile to get used to the place and start to feel at home.
I think that all of us are likely to feel wary and suspicious of "irregular" behaviour. Determining "Oh right it probably is because he is autistic....no prob" is a hell of a lot more than most will do. For the most part it is not people being mean it is pure ignorance on autism or such behaviour.
I think all wecan do is seek to normalise things for autism.
Consider someone with a bad stutter. What does staring or commenting on the stutter (think Otto and Kn in Fish Called Wanda) do? Normlising things and not treating it as a sligght personal or social is the key.
That you as a person who does not personally have autism realises this is GREAT!
My mates were the same. To help me out they would explain big chnges in advance or when they were throwing a party. It eant the difference between me mentally prepared, joining in and enjoying it OR freaking out and having a stressed out time. Things like that and they were really good about it not in a patronising or "looking after a child" way but just being aware.
It was just so interesting. I have been making the various "Autistic type behaviors" as described in books and on various other media part of what I am studying. I am trying to do a little more work on some of my husband's behaviors in order to help him when he is upset or in need of my assistance. I am also trying to learn more as I am pretty sure my daughter is on the spectrum and I want to learn more before her appointment at the clinic which is coming up.
I know everyone is different, but it was interesting, as here was this man, who was obviously doing well, and had a meltdown of some kind while on the bus.
I just had to ask myself, deep inside, to try to not judge someone immediately upon seeing them act differently. To (of course) make sure that if someone seems violent or something (not spectrum people necessarily, just someone who is acting differently) that I move out of their way, but that otherwise, they may just be doing things in a way that works better for them, or maybe they are having a bad moment...
Again, a moment of - this Autistic man in a suit and tie is doing ok. He is obviously working, clean, and well groomed. He has a nice briefcase and he is currenly having a meltdown. Wow, if only someone like this was shown in both situations (working successfully and then like he was on the bus that morning) on one of those videos. What a bit of understanding you could get from that.
I go on the bus a fair amount, and I see autistic people fairly often. One time there was an autistic woman, who was with who I guess was her family, and we were both rocking, and she was making some noises. As she was walking by me to get to her bus, I kind of waved in my eyes averted way that I acknowledge strangers, and she touched my arm and looked at me.
She was told not to touch me (I'm sure that most strangers would've felt much more intruded upon than I felt, and a number of people had been staring at her at the bus stop), and went onto the bus, then my bus pulled up.
There's also this guy that, if I get to the bus stop at a particular time, he'll reliably be standing there, rocking back and forth. Usually I don't figure someone's autistic just by seeing them rock, but the way in which he does (and he does it every single time I see him there), and his expression, seemed very telling to me.
I get stared at a fair amount of times on the bus. Usually not in an overt way, and I'm sure there have been people who were unnerved by me, but saw my physics textbook and backpack and concluded that I "won't bite" so to speak. Also from what I've noticed, making loud sounds unnerves people more than rocking, much like talking to yourself draws more attention than a fixed stare.
I should clarify, I did not make the assumption that he was definitely Autistic, but his movements and such said to me that he could have been. Either way, working on my own acceptance, not just at home and on line, but also out in the physical world.
I wish you'd get on my bus when I'm desperate to stim because I can't cope with something.
There was the time that my aunt decided to tear a few strips off me and in the space of 15 minutes managed to reduce all the personal work I'd done on myself to scraps. I got on the bus to go home, and I just felt the silent clouds coming over that I know is a bad, bad, bad meltdown approaching. Busy evening bus, and I could feel myself about to start rocking in my seat. Got scared, stopped myself. In the end I started crying on the bus. Its odd how people are just totally uncomfortable with anything like that - not one person asked me if I was ok, moved away from me.
Sometimes I think we forget we're all only human.
I should clarify, I did not make the assumption that he was definitely Autistic, but his movements and such said to me that he could have been. Either way, working on my own acceptance, not just at home and on line, but also out in the physical world.
He could have also had Tourette's with motor tics...
I had a similar experience with a woman who had Tourettes Korrigan. It's that 'waking up' moment when you find that you have learned to be accepting of difference. I felt like celebrating afterwards
Actually -I did, and I had a monumental hangover the next day.
Thanks for posting your personal experience Korrigan...experience is the greatest of teachers.
It has been said that ‘a stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet’. People fear difference; fear leads to prejudice. It’s all too easy to assign evil motives to a person without ever truly knowing them.
By promoting understanding we teach people trust; we give them the courage to accept difference.
Hi Korrigan.
I have also had similar experiences.
A few months ago I was walking back from the railway station to my house. I saw a middle aged man and a male in his late teens sitting in the front of the car.
The younger of the two was rocking back and forth quite forcefully - the older man (his father?) seemed pretty much indifferent to this. I was thinking that the younger person might be autistic (although obviously this was just a guess based on his movement - I may well be wrong) - but it did make me smile as I like to rock forecefully when I'm stressed so it was nice to actually see that I'm not the only person who does this sometimes.
A man was standing on the corner staring at the teen. He stared for several minutes, looked away for about 3 seconds and then started staring again. It really made me angry as I can't stand people who stare at someone purely because they are behaving in a way that might be a little unfamiliar. As I walked past him I said 'It's rude to stare' and walked off with out looking back.
I had a similar experience with a woman who had Tourettes Korrigan. It's that 'waking up' moment when you find that you have learned to be accepting of difference. I felt like celebrating afterwards
Actually -I did, and I had a monumental hangover the next day.
I got on a train where there was a person with vocal tics. And unsuprisingly the staff and passengers were all looking at her.
When she got off at the station to change trains three members of staff on the platform stopped their conversation and just stared at her. It made me really angry and I sent a complaint email to the Access Manager.