hmm...yes, I know a guy who is a little like what you describe...
the tricky part is establishing a repartee....
question; does he have any major, special interests?
give him a dictaphone.
tell him to record anything anyone says to him, that he considers is trying to provoke him.
that way...I'll assume that dad was one of the, "oh, my children would never do that" type?
Hi Mandy, and welcome to AFF!
I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer by way of advice, but I'd like to say you are being wonderful in your care and support of this boy!
There are AFF people around the globe, so no doubt over the next 24 hours or so you will get a lot of support, and advice on this situation from others here.
You're in my prayers.
I have to ask you a question... how can you be "counseling" a boy that you have "no idea how to talk, relate, coexist and undersatnd him", etc.,? How did it come to be that you and your husband are involved with him? Wanting to understand shows alot of godd intentions but peoplet hat don't know much should not attempt and tinker before they do know - first impressions are important.
Now that said, I am sure your reasons are good - maybe you feel bad that he thinks that you hate him and of course want to remedy that.
My 11 year old "assumes" more and more that people are thinking badly of him or are looking at him like they do not like him - due to maybe an accumulation of negative feedback and actual experiences...
anyway, depending on what your purpose is for starting a relationship - where are his parents-are they friends of yours? like another poster mentioned as with any kid, finding out a special interest is a good ice breaker. It taked a long time to gain trust - my son can see thru a "ploy" even while that seems odd that he misreads many a good intention - but once your are trusted adn you treat him with CONSISTENCY and honesty - your relationship should be good one.
The thread about needing advice about an AS stepson may be helpful. You'll see it if you click on new posts, or today's posts.
This one, Marcia?
Oh, that's clever! 
How'd you do that?
[url=http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=12862]This[/url]
like that 
I don't know where you are, or which church you are part of, but I was just thinking. If you're part of a large denomination they may have people who are more experienced in the nature of support this boy needs. This sounds a bit vague, but I know that in the Church of Scotland there are people at church HQ whose work involves them thinking about how various groups of people are able to participate in worship, eg, people with learning and other disabilities and so on. They also have a "social work division" who provide care and support for a variety of people in the community.
If you can contact anyone like that through your church it may be very helpful.
His family has very little interaction with him, because they don't want to deal with it anymore. My heart just breaks for him. We are with him 4 days out of the week and I and my husband probably have a more trusting relationship with him than his own family. If I am busy talking to someone else or doing something else and I can't give him my attention right away, he thinks that I am mad at him. We are trying to help him understand that sometimes people are busy with other things for a moment, but as soon as they are done they will talk with him. IF that makes sense? I always give him positive reinforcement and I think that is why he is so attached to me. I am in no way trying to inhibit his growth, on the contrary, I am probably the first person to ever take them time to help him grow for the first time in his life. These are not my "works". I hope this clarifies for you what my intentions are.
What you say here about him reminds me of my own son who is 6 years old. My son finds it almost impossible not to talk to me when I'm busy or speaking to someone else. He has been referred to the Speech and Language Therapists and I have an initial assessment meeting with them tomorrow.
I'm so sorry that this boy hasn't had the support he has clearly needed, and very glad that you are so committed to his wellbeing and growth.
It sounds to me as if he, like my son struggles with pragmatic language skills - that is, the give and take of conversation, the ability to let the other person speak and to know when not to speak.
If you look for information on speech and language development you may find it helpful.
Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" is a very good book, which includes a chapter on language skills and information about older children and young people.
His family has very little interaction with him, because they don't want to deal with it anymore. My heart just breaks for him. We are with him 4 days out of the week and I and my husband probably have a more trusting relationship with him than his own family. If I am busy talking to someone else or doing something else and I can't give him my attention right away, he thinks that I am mad at him. We are trying to help him understand that sometimes people are busy with other things for a moment, but as soon as they are done they will talk with him. IF that makes sense? I always give him positive reinforcement and I think that is why he is so attached to me. I am in no way trying to inhibit his growth, on the contrary, I am probably the first person to ever take them time to help him grow for the first time in his life. These are not my "works". I hope this clarifies for you what my intentions are.
What you say here about him reminds me of my own son who is 6 years old. My son finds it almost impossible not to talk to me when I'm busy or speaking to someone else. He has been referred to the Speech and Language Therapists and I have an initial assessment meeting with them tomorrow.
I'm so sorry that this boy hasn't had the support he has clearly needed, and very glad that you are so committed to his wellbeing and growth.
It sounds to me as if he, like my son struggles with pragmatic language skills - that is, the give and take of conversation, the ability to let the other person speak and to know when not to speak.
If you look for information on speech and language development you may find it helpful.
Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" is a very good book, which includes a chapter on language skills and information about older children and young people.
Good post Marcia
China-it's great that you offer support to this person and that you want to learn more in an effort to help him. It sounds as if he is in need of some loving acceptance..and you are trying to provide that.
How old is this boy? Do you think he would want to join AFF? He might find some support here as well..
I was wondering about the age too. Telling someone he/she has to wait untill you're finished can be a big problem. How long does he have to wait. Is there something he can do while he waits. Can you tell him or show him how long it will be. If he does not know how long it will be minutes can seem hours. Most people know how time can be experienced different when you are waiting for something. For lots of people on the spectrum this experience is much and much stronger.
In church it can be helpful if he's allowed to do something. If he can attribute to the service. Also giving him insight in what will happen, when and why, a lot of the problems can be gone. It depends on his interests and abilities of course. And if your denomination likes it when lay people contribute to the service. Some children love to hand out leaflets with songs. Other children/youngsters like reading a part. I loved to take part in talking about the tekst and helping to find appropriate songs and prayers.
Reading something about aspergers can help you a lot too.
If he's 20 he could make some frinds here, who are the same age and I guess most of them face similar problems.
I'm a bit old, and have enough things to cope with myself.
May god bless you.