Aspies For Freedom

thats disgusting.

what a terrible parent.

why? why, so that she would not spawn anymore like her?

disgusting.

huh?

oh, I've just noticed that I have been rather snarky in the past few days.
fair warning and all that

In my opinion if this mother was worried about her daughter having sex she would have addressed the STD issue.
If she were worried about her daughter being raped. She would have addressed the how to protect her from rape.
I believe she for whatever reason does not want her daughter to get pregnant. I wonder, how old is the daughter and what her feelings are?

wait, is she LFA or HFA?

ah, so the mother has a lower opinion of her than is warrented?

if the kid is as you say, then, the mother can go *** a landmine; and the doctors will tell her pretty much the same, I'd imagine.

thats true, but it might help to understand the motivations behind the mothers words.

You cannot keep a close eye on your child all the time and/or forever. My mother in law is MR, due to all kinds of problems during birth and afterwards. I think she's also autistic. At least twice some-one has taken advantage of her. Twice she had a baby she could not take care of. After that they have pushed her to take oral contraceptives. I can not see how they could have educated her in a way that could have avoided the pill for her, unless it would have been locking her up.

The difference here is that there was no doubt at all that she did not long for these children and that she had no idea at all how to take care of them, and was not capable of learning it either.

Another reply.

It does make a lot of sense.

I don't even know if this mother has talked to her child about sterilisation. She might have. But even then, a 17 year old has no idea.

I'm sure she has talked about contraceptives. Esp. condoms, because of STD's.

But that's all I know.

on a side note, the decision of Florida to teach abstinence worked *so* well...(!)

IUD's and injections of hormones are done here by qualified gynaecologists or GP's that have had special instructions by such a gynaecologist. (My GP went with me to the gynaecologist to train)

These methods can have sideeffects. Sure. But mostly have no irreversible effects. A sterilization has.

The girl is by now allmost 18. As far as I know the mother has not succeeded in getting her sterilized. (And she should not be able to succeed, because it is illegal here in the Netherlands)

No amount of 'teaching' can help if you have someone extremely silver-tongued and persuasive looking to get you into their bed. Some guys are just dogs (hell, so are some women that I know of) and will say or do whatever it takes to get their leg over. You don't need to be of a low IQ to be caught up in their webs, and I'm pretty sure a few women here can testify seeing that sh*t in action with guys who have tried it on. Some people will literally say anything to get you into bed. If you're not used to attention, sometimes you're so awed by the forward attention of another that no amount of clucking from Mother Hen is going to stay in your head for long.

If 'teaching' your kids worked 100% of the time, there would be no accidental pregnancy. Unless we're talking about a 'contraceptive malfunction' You also cannot underestimate the power of peer pressure. Like it or not, it is uncommon for many 18 year olds in Western society to not to have gotten to at least second base. Most people, the older they get and the more they spawn the earth with the fruit of their own loins, start to like to romanticise their first sexual encounters. Mine sucked, both with a man and with a woman - I was drunk during both. Oh, and I was raised a good Catholic girl to abstain until marriage, and yes, I bought that crap* until I was about 16 and my hormones kicked in.

You also cannot underestimate the power that being a bag of rattling hormones has over an individual: male OR female. Personally, I believe that the only reason young females aren't as "promiscious" as their male counterparts is more to do with the socialisation of the female child towards sexual morality. I see plenty of lesbians in that age group who are like rabbits, because I believe that accepting your being gay is a fundamental 'rebellion' against the Madonna/*** crap that girls are brought up with. It breaks down a barrier that restrains one's sense of sexual conduct. I've never heard a lesbian call another lesbian a *** or a *** - its a common slur in heterosexual women of the same age group. Liberation from preconcieved female sexual morality bullsh*t much, ladies?

Case example: I've never been cool with local women. Local guys, sure - if I was interested in men, I'd get a boyfriend no problem. Nothing to do with my looks, I just banter with blokes well and they usually think I'm cool. Women? Nope. No way. I have no sense of dignity around cute girls - I stare at their shoes and giggle. So when my ex started aggressively pursuing me, I responded even though she OH SO WAS NOT MY TYPE (Rain will vouch for this). I was 19 and hungry for attention as well as action. Similarly, my last partner said similar - I openly pursued her, and it piqued her curiousity... You get more action the more confident and devil-may-care you are, not the more desperate you appear. The only good thing that I learned from my ex is that I know how to handle forward women much better. American women are about a million times more forward than British women plus they tend to think my 'nice shoes' routine is cute and British; if I'd went to the US at 18, I'd have had no idea how to deal with someone aggressively pursuing me. I still don't, but I can take my cool, detached cynicism pill much easier than I could before.

I'm in my 20s and I've only been having sex for like... *counts on fingers* 7 or 8 years. I'm not married with kids having been exclusively f*cking the same person for the past 10 years in our mortgaged house with garage. In other words, I'm far closer to remembering how it was to be 18 and horny, and a lot less likely to romanticise it. Most kids don't want to talk to their parents about sex or drugs because their parents honestly forget what it was like to be in your youth and take the moral high ground. They're the ones that want celebrities to apologise publically for making the unforgivable human error of f*cking up. Seriously, who cares if whatsherface from High School Musical took scantily clad photos of herself? Maybe if you spent less time b*tching about it over lunch with your girlfriends like you've never done anything stupid and more time telling your teenager that its sorta kinda er STUPID to do that, whatsherface won't be inspiring any copycat stripathons. Personally I'd rather my kids told me they were sexually active or had experimented with this or that. They're more inclined to listen to you if you tell them something's not a smart idea, if they honestly can see you're talking from experience. You can't stop them from doing dumb things but they're more likely to listen.

I was brought up not to answer back or swear amongst other things. And I don't mean in terms of thinking swear words are naughty, I mean in terms of being told swearing was going to send me to Hell and girls just don't answer back, its not feminine. I got told constantly that children should be seen and not heard (good luck telling that to an Aspie with ADHD, btw)... yeah, totally, its worked! I am a cowed little girl who realised all that bullsugar was to get me a nice husband with self-esteem problems who can't handle a strong, independent, feisty woman for my own benefit!




* if you truly believe in retaining your virginity/becoming a born-again virgin until marriage is for you, then good for you. Its not for me and I don't personally believe its a healthy, valid choice, and its something I wouldn't raise my kids to blindly accept. I don't believe in sleeping with every girl I date either but I do believe in experimenting somewhat before you commit to a serious, long term relationship. Like I said in Timhomer's thread (in the most tactful, diplomatic way possible I could, I know), criteria changes as you grow up. The girl I would have went for at 18 is not the girl I would go for at 25. I was so f*cking naive and stupid at 18. Hell I was stupid and naive and drove all my friends crazy for months this year, at 24. I will probably date a girl at 25 and be equally stupid, if a lot less naive.

Implants are known for problems. Three monthly jabs also. An IUD can cause problems, but is easy to remove. That is also true for the IUD with hormones.

The girl is not asexual or a late bloomer. She has a dx that states mental retardation and autism. Also braindamage at birth.

She looks like a regular teenager and is gorgeous. Also easily influenced it seems. Loverboys* do prey for girls like her. It does happen. I know another mother with a similar girl who is almost stalking her daughter to keep her out of the hands of loverboys. And she has had reason to call the police more than once because of dodgy types trying to take advantage of her girl.

So her worries about abuse, unwanted pregnancies, are not completely without reason. And yes IUD's are not the first choice for women who have had no children. But sterilization totally out of the question I think.

*Loverboys is the terminology used for pimps using young girls as a prostitute by totally controlling them. They prey at school yards and via the internet.

How do you keep an almost adult girl (18 is reaching adulthood here) out of dangerzones.
And if you do keep a strict eye on her all the time, are you not keeping her from forming healthy relations too?

oh oh oh!

don't forget..was it Florida?..deciding that teaching Abstinence would work!