My little boy will be three next month. He's been under observation since I raised the fact that he didn't talk at his two year check and was finally assessed by a paediatrician last week who found that he has many developmental delays (most especially language) and she thinks he may well be on the autistic spectrum. Having read-up on the subject and now realising that the fact that he's a hugely loving little boy who makes pretty good eye-contact and is totally "go with the flow" (about most things but definitely NOT food), does not rule ASD out, I have some questions if anyone here would be kind enough to help me out.
At the moment he is basically under the direction of the speech therapist. She's given me exercises to do with him and ways to interact with him. Left to his own devices he plays happily for hours and babbles to himself etc. He loves the interaction of these exercises although he doesn't seem to either understand or co-operate with them much but he seems to get over-excited by the interaction and he tends to grind his teeth and sometimes flap his hands around his head (not behaviours that he gets up to much when left alone). Can someone tell me whether I should continue, does he need longer breaks or whatever (I have mentioned this to the paed but she was vague and unhelpful). Also it's my perception that although I accept he has language difficulties (and I'm not implying that he's naughty or awkward) but I think he understands far more of what is said to him than is apparent and I think he has quite a vocabulary stashed away in him. He uses pretty much no meaningful words reliably but he comes out with new words and different words sporadically, used in the correct context. I was a bit hurt when the paediatrician said "He just doesn't understand at all, not even when I show him what to do," - just because he didn't do what she wanted she seemed to think he's stupid.
Anyway, enough rambling. Just needed to make contact.
janine
I am certainly still learning. I will do my best with what I have picked up on so far.
Do not rush him. He will progress at his own pace.
Do not pressure him. If he seems uncomfortable, he probably is.
Love him as he is. (You are already doing that.)
Seek the help of a specialist on the Autistic Spectrum.
Thank-you, I will bear all of this in mind. I really want to help him with his speech etc but he is the loveliest little person and I don't want to mess with that. I'm still adjusting to the idea that he's on the spectrum and I just want to do the best for him. I realise that it could be some time yet before we get access to specialists but now I've discovered this board with people who are "living it" I don't feel so much at the mercy of people who don't have that in-depth knowledge.
janine
Do you mean he becomes over excited in a bad way or a good way? I flap when I get excited by things, from being pleasantly excited or from wanting someone to leave me alone i.e. if I'm being tickled etc I flap. If he doesn't seem distressed negatively, I wouldn't worry too much. From those I know who flap, flapping isn't usually associated with negative feelings. The teeth grinding is something I'd say to keep an eye on, not for any autistic reasons, but because its bad for the teeth!
Remember he is only 3 and his personality is only starting to emerge. Don't let doctors bully you around about what your son should or shouldn't be doing. The important factor here is your son's own development and not the development of his peers. Some people are just slow to start - I had to have a speech therapist as a kid because I didn't communicate and tended to babble too. I'm at university now and hold down a communication-based job. Beyond the fact I tend to stumble over my words when I get worked up, I don't have many problems with that on a day to day basis. I suppose what I'm trying to say to you is, don't worry about all that because you know your son. You've seen him since he was a newborn, whereas doctors don't have that relationship.
With regards to eye contact, mine used to be really bad, but after loads of people pointed it out post-DX, I personally wanted to try and improve it. If someone had told me to work on it myself, I wouldn't have - why should I? But it was something I didn't like myself. Saying that I'm still respectful of the fact most auties don't like it, and thus it isn't my place to force it on anyone else.
ASDs affect everyone differently and there isn't one size fits all. There are common similarities but most Aspies I know of think the DSM criteria for diagnosis is outdated. When one of my relatives was diagnosed (leading to my diagnosis), I remember reading websites on it and getting really upset because people thought autism was a horrible, evil thing. Sometimes just speaking to other autistics makes you realise how much nonsense that actually is.
With regards to longer breaks and his vocabulary... well I'd always say you may find it helpful to go somewhere like the Early Learning Centre and see if there's things there that encourage him to express himself without it being a chore. And seeing what kinds of things he seems to be really interested in, and trying to work around that. It sounds like these exercises are about getting him to work to you, as opposed to you working to him. Does that make sense? Education should be fun, especially at that age, and I totally disagree with trying to achieve targets. All that does is encourage insecurity as someone ages.
He is only three - thre is such a joyous age - enjoy every minute of your lovely little boy - he sounds alot like my son at a similar age. I didn't end up finding it necesary to have him Dx'd until he was 10 - he's 11 now.
When they don't HAVE to be in school, it is so much fun. Going with the flow is so much fun. Following your sons nap and feeding/and preferences and (pooping) schedule is all you need worry about right now (my son did better on a schedule for that- he dictated, I followed it). It rurned out that the best thing (in hindsight) that I did for son #1 and the other two as well was that I spent alot of time OUTdoors, at parks, in wide open spaces in nature. I didn't worry that he babbled - he sure wasn;t suffering - he was the happiest kid -
I smile broadly thinking of your son right now doing the same - is there anything more beautifu than a kid just being let alone to his contentment?
By the way my son is 11 and in 5th grade and has a college level vocabulary - (not good at math though) Though he didn't figure reading out until he was 7/8, 2nd grade (we were shocked cuz up until then he just wasn't interested- same went for bike riding and shoe tying --not interested). One of the Dx criteria for aspergers is being late at something and then catching up really fast... Don't worry about school too much right now - sorry to have brought all that "timetable" stuff up. Try to ignore all timetables - you'll all be alot happier...
Oh and my son did go to preschool - the year before kindergarden... there were 12 kids and three teachers - he didn't leanr anyone's names but had so much fun - it was great for him. He was oblivious and happy.
Alectrum, thank you for sharing that. That is very interesting and I will keep it in mind should we be blessed enough to "pop out another kid."
Are you trying Korrigan?
I hope you succeed. The world is be blessed with many Korrigans here.
We shall begin trying soon I think. We kind of have things on a timeline. Children are a blessing whenever they show up, but I am going to wait till we are closer to having a parent at home to care for the little runt.
And thank you. If I had time I would put a pretty flower here next to the smiley face.
Thanks Atypical (and everybody else), you're right of course and he is fantastic - of my four children, if I were permitted to have favourites, then he might be the one! That's the thing, the thought of him having to enter the world (albeit of nursery school), means that I start panicking for him to "catch up" and not so much enjoying him. I will bear all that's been said in mind. If only he'd answer yes/no questions but I guess it'll come, I suppose my guesswork must satisfy him up to now!
janine
If I had one thing to do over it would be that I would NOT send him to Kindergarden at age 5 - as it turns out a whole lot of parents kept there expecially boys back for one more year.. My 9 year old son is in 4th grade and has 3 or 4 11 year olds in his grade as well... and my 11 year old is in 5th - He gets along somuch better with kids one or two years younger... my son/s are tall - and noone even said - hey he may not be ready - so as he was my first Ididn;t even think to keep him back. (my 2nd son is born in septmebr and is the youngest in his class - but he is also one of the tallest and a great student - I think if he wasn;t right behind myodler son - I might have kept my aspie son another year - I wanted to avoid having htem be in the same class... Just FYI.
I realise what I'm about to say may be hugely controversial, but I have lots of my baby and young child memories intact. I've SID problems, obviously, and speech was so beautiful in all it's tonality and (back then) it's colour. I think I may have had synesthesia that I grew out of. I've get caught up in seeing a beautiful wave of colour from it and totally lose the idea that it had meaning at all - until my parents got mad with me. It's kinda socially unacceptable now to get mad with a baby, but if they hadn't made the bad sounds with me wanting the good sounds back and realising that meant understanding the meaning, then maybe I would not not be aspergers, but would have drifted into autism. There seems to be a line. Too much bad pushes over the line. Too much good pushes over the line. A balance - can bring us back from the brink. That's what I think.
I was on this brink in the summer of 2006, at 41. I've allways been a talker. And then I allmost lost it. It was beautiful. Really beautiful and calm.
But frightening too. Because I did not want to lose contact with my kids. They kept me in a verbal world. But it was a big effort. And I still know how good the silence felt, how tempting and how at home. It was a lot of stress that had brought me on this brink.
I've come to value words even more now. Not because I don't like non-verbal thinking. But the way I can communicate is by words.
I do push my youngest daughter to talk to me. She loves words, she loves to talk. But with me she likes to use sounds or expects me to understand her completely without her saying a word. That does make me angry sometimes. But I know she can talk.
I think most children like stimulation. But stimulating what is not yet possible is frustrating. As a mother you can look for signs to see if you're not overdoing things. What Ocampo said about flapping is important. A child likes to evolve. And it is OK to stimulate your child. And offering a child all kind of words is stimulation too.
I know what you're saying here. I've skipped over to the other side before as a response to extreme stress, and it was very beautiful and peaceful, but also frightening too because when people spoke to me I could not understand them. That just wasn't acceptable, so I came back.
I have watched my son go back and forth - that line- I have not asked him if he was aware of it - or is aware of it (and I don't think I will - it seems his business). I don't think what you are saying alectrum is controversial at all. It rings so true from my perspective anyway.
Among our close relatives - and some other adults - my son seems to have um, alot of extra focus on him - he creates alot of smiles - he seems a favorite tis true. (no one in the family every mentioned autism and my son - we haven't even thought it important for us to tell them he is autistic - as he is just him and nothing changes that. They know he is very special... They just love him and he loves back and when there isn't any stress to change who he is, he thrives...
(also I didn't let him have more than an hour visits when he was younger, and made sure he was well napped, fed, rested before taking him anywhere...just to set him up for success)
I rememeber a thread that talked about LFA and HFA and all that and aspie and autie being so different and I just don't think they are that different - autism is autism in my opinion. I still think that the word spectrum works better - being anywhere on the spectrum, You can fill out a questionaire, or a parent can fill out a questionaire and the answers can change from day to day, the differences in learning or learning disabilty can be more pronounced depending on time of day, environment, age, health, and depending on the moment, you'd gett a different diagnosis = many times not autism. I don't think the Dx is important - just that people be respectful and aware of an individual childs needs.
Oh by the way my sons speech and language pathologist -he first went to her when he was 3 1/2, was amazing. As soon as he started talking using words again - (stopped at 15 months began again around age 3 1/2), we had his hearing tested at 3 etc., that really was nice for him - he couldn't say his s or L - and spoke way too fast. He is now considered to be one of the very best out loud readers and his pronunciation and enunciation is superior.
When a tyrant meets a free man, who refuses to bow to him, the tyrant will conclude that the free man is either evil or an idiot.
True... but not in all cases
Might I suggest you look for a different Dr? This one sounds like a curebie.