B"H
I had a few thoughts about how I would compare with an NT as an Aide for an Autistic student. Now, my ideal "NT" Aide would be a statistical strawman (or straw-woman). She would probably not be real, yet she would be realistic as a composite. I think that we can arrange a brief comparison between myself and her:
ATM
My Positives:
Engaged
Knowledgeable
Enthusiastic
A lot of good philosophy
Ideal NT Aide
Her Positives:
Able to teach socialization in the NT world better than I
Able to get along with other Aides better than I
Less verbiage, more focused attention on non-verbal cues
No Stimming
As I see it, the NT would have "less." That can be a good thing, since it includes less attempts to teach the material when that is probably the teacher's job. Again, I am making generalizations that are always negated in the breach. As a generalization, I make for a good assistant teacher, motivator, debater, and inspirer.
As a generalization, an NT Aide makes for a better facilitator of socialization and integration. Most very educated NT's are not Aides, whereas I would be motivated by intense ideological feelings to take a job a bit below my educational level. This is not true about all NT Aides, to be sure. Please do not misunderstand me.
As for my "needing improvement" in some areas, fortunately the NT's are helping me out with their "behavioral plans.' These are odd things, but they seem to work. I have decided to make the young man responsible for giving himself points. It builds honesty. He can have his reward if he feels that he has earned it. I simply ask Socratic questions that inspire honesty (and make a few statements for the record).
This was a modification from the original idea that I would give the rewards. It seems more adult the way I set it up, with him giving himself rewards, provided that he is honest with himself. Getting our friend ready for adulthood is the goal here, no?
That is my thought for the night. Good night.
All the best.
"behavioral plans.'---should have read, "behavioral plans"---Sorry.
And, I would add that the differences in culture between myself and Special Ed. teachers/paraprofessionals have been a bit of a problem. I do not exactly fit in all that well with them. I fit in much better with mainstream teachers. As it is, I cannot understand how to relate to NT Special Ed. teachers and Aides. Perhaps some of you can assist me.
My problem is not just that I am a male. It goes a little deeper than that. Yet, how to understand it? I never go and seek problems with them, but they seem to arise.
All the best.
ATM
As I see it - you can have an advantage over an NT aide in helping an autistic child.
Because you have autism, you will likely have a better understanding of why this boy struggles. If you can understand this boy, you have much more chance of being able to help him. People who don't understand, arent' usually much help.
In regard to your colleagues - it seems they don't understand you - in the same way they lack understanding on how best to help this child.
I don't know how you can fix this. I have a struggle at work to be understood by my colleagues.
I think remaining silent and listening can help. Don't try to hard to adapt and fit in - find your own way of doing things and focus on that - not other people. Try not to let your workmates thoughts and opinions concern you too much. Your concern should focus around finding ways to help this child.
Also - when I am confronted with something my bosses don't understand - I realise now I have to write out an explanation.
I don't have discussions with my bosses without support.
I am in the process of learning all this for myself at the moment.
Good luck!!
Thank you, Lucie1. Your words are very kind, as usual. Sadly, their opinions affect me directly, because one has taken to reporting on me to the Administration in a very prejudicial way. This has been going on a long time, and I just discovered it. Of course, she has a "son on the Spectrum." That apparently gives her license to be as aggressive as she wants to be. I now must confront the problem, head on, with a possible counter-complaint of my own.
Yeah, I guess we can say that I have Autism. My Autism does not come with any learning disabilities. Thus, it is not so obvious. However, people seem to be able to tell, at least after a while. I had better come to terms with the fact that I have been Autistic for my whole life, without realizing it. And, there is a strange discrimination that can come, especially from people with the best of motives, who think that they are progressive and enlightened. They may have known long before I did.
I do not go out of my way to pick fights with this certain set of NT's who supposedly know more than I do about Autism. That is what is so peculiar. Why do they pick fights with me? I don't even tell them who I am, really. Why can we not focus on what is in the best interest of the young man? I even listen to their suggestions, and try to act on them when appropriate. "Give him space," she says, and so I did. Now, I am not doing enough. Now, I am some big problem. I am a "valuable asset," but now I am a trouble maker. She finally exploded at me and filed a grievance. So, I had to respond with one of my own. All of this after never challenging her in any way, or making her life difficult at all.
I get all of this after helping her do a project on Asperger, and making an answer sheet for her on math. I get all of this after helping with teaching science, something that was appreciated at the time. I get all of this after agreeing to do a position that turns out to be a long-term sub position, with no benefits, and none of the prerogatives of a teacher, much less benefits. Why? Because I am helping the young man to fulfill his holy Purpose. And, friends, I would do it again. That has made this worthwhile. I would have been long gone if it had not been for that. As it is, I am honored to help him, and honored to be his friend.
That is the truth. As for "LFA" Autistics and holy Purposes, I put my efforts where my mouth is...
All the best.
My work mates (more than one) go to management about me. Management believe their half truths - I am taken in to the office and to have strips torn of me for they things they don't understand.
This is why I don't go into their office anymore. If they receive complaints from certain people - I write up an an explanation to explain my rationale. If I have to have a meeting with my bosses, I have union support. I have a tutor who knows me well enough, she will also attend meeting with me, to make sure I am treated fairly. Really our situations aren't that much different.
It's hard working with extra stress, my anxiety is bad enough usually anyway, add this to it and my brain function sinks to my boots and I can't explain anything and I am more open to making mistakes.
I have tried so hard to do everything right to please everyone else. But this will never happen. I also have a mentor. She has told me to learn to relax, focus instead on what I need to do, let other people think what they want, and if I need to write an explanation to my bosses, I will do this and try not to worry about it.
For now focus on what is best for this young man. Try not to be so concerned about your colleagues (sp??). You can not afford to let them worry you - however I know from experience how much easier this is to say than actually do.
I hope my post has being helpful.
I will look back at your post and reevaluate.
"colleagues" is correct. And, thank you again. I will consider your words very strongly.
I think they perhaps they pick on you because you are different.
Is it hard coming to an acceptance of autism, or does it feel like a light of understanding?
You are honoured to be able to help this child, also it will allow you to find a sense of purpose and a sense of direction perhaps in your own life.
You are a good man - with good intentions. Hold on to this in your heart - don't let these people drag you down too much.
If things don't work out well in this situation, you will just have to let it go, this is what I have decided for myself in relation to my job situation. I can't control what other people think, I can only control what I think. And worrying doesn't help.
"colleagues" good!
also - cross out one of the 'they's in the first sentence.
The NT aides that I am aware of have no clue about what an aspie/autie needs. I think the #1 qualification should be to be able to scan a room/area and try to see/hear/smell what the child does. I think the aide should be able to detour a child away from a negative situation by thinking ahead. Then the aide should explain to the kid what just happened and why (not during class time).I think that intuition, recognizing the patterns so that bad situations can be avoided before they repeat would be helpful. Lunch time or the playground needs to be a positive experience for all involved. I don't mean a kid should be coddled, but do set him up for success.
(I am aware that some social workers and occupational therapists do not think that protecting an autistic kid from stresses is what should be done. They think that the more you expose a kid the better the chance he gets used to it. I disagree.)
sorry tired, not sure post makes any sense.
You know that there is discrimination when a doctor is acquitted of murdering a 5 year old boy. He practiced chelation therapy, and the boy died. Murder, mind you! Life is cheap in America today! They are going to pursue other "appropriate venues."
As for my own personal situation, the NT who opposes me has gone through the motions of filing a formal complaint. I have been forced to counter-file. It is ugly. However, I have decided not to make it personal. I will not go down to that level.
All the best.
Must be awfully stressful for you ATM. Not nice considering your dedication and good intentions.
Things will eventually smooth over and get better.
B"H
I'll be honest and admit that I went through a period of intense self-doubt about whether this young person should have an Aide who is NT, instead of yours truly. I am not going to lie about it. I did go through that period. My main thought is that the NT Aide would be better at facilitating socialization in a world that is NT.
However, I have since come to certain realizations. One is the Chinese saying, "An unaimed arrow never misses." How true. You see, I am not trying to make this young man anything different. I am not trying to "cure" Autism, either through biochemical or through psychological means. I do not want him to conform to NT society. Rather, I want him to have the tools he needs to fulfill his holy Purpose.
That is a key difference between my ideology that that of others involved in this mess. I am ideally suited to all of this because I am probably the only one who does not want the young man to be something that he can never be. I want him to succeed, exactly as he is. Now, I also want him to develop a stronger empathetic development. However, what teenager does not need that? How many so-called "adults" could use some of that? He needs stronger social skills, of course. His NT psychologists can help him with that. But, he mainly needs a friend who is not some kind of "expert," or self-professed "expert." The young man needs someone who can validate that the NT world is a perception, not a base level reality.
I believe that I am doing something important. I do not see myself as "educating" this young man. I did before, but I do not now. Rather, I see myself as helping him to bring out qualities in himself. As such, my arrow is unaimed. With G-d's help, I cannot miss.
All the best.
Do you mean that you would mainly want to keep him safe/unharmed and unstressed to be open to experincing life?