Aspies For Freedom

This has the potential to be pretty rambling so I'll attempt to keep it short.

Since I've been here, I've found that I seem to have more in common with Aspies than I have with most other people, and have been able to identify a fair number of aspie traits in myself.  Some, I've grown out of, or have "learned" my way out of as I've got older and more used to being with other people.

The other night I had a look at the diagnostic information re adults in Tony Attwood's "Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and it seems that I probably meet the criteria.  I don't think that I have the confidence, or the need really, to go and ask my doctor to refer me for a formal assessment, but I don't know whether I would refer to myself as self-dxed either.

There are a few people here who are self-dxed and I wondered how you came to that conclusion...

I remember just looking through a big list of common traits, and realising that I identified with a good chunk of them. This included major things (unusual methods of social interaction, hyposensory issues), and minor things (enjoyment of patterns, special interests, tapping out rythms, etc). From there I just read everything I could get my hands on, and it all just seemed to make sense.

Because I was 14 at the time, a lot of the social skills issues were fairly obvious, too - so I knew there was "something", and the word just seemed to fit.

And, if I'm going to be completely honest, there was something of a mythical aspect to it too. I used to love reading the sort of fantasy novels where the main character finds out they're a member of some long-lost race, and learns all sorts of abilities, etc - so the idea quite appealed. Again, remember I was 14... *grins*

Not sure if I would have had any self-doubt over the self-dx, because I got the official one only a few months later. By that time, I'd done enough reading up on the subject that I remember thinking "I know more than this person does!" in the dx sessions.


As far as your situation goes, my advice, if you believe you meet the criteria, is to just use the word if it's helpful, and don't worry about it if it's not.

Helpful could mean "a useful term for self-understanding", "a word that helps you find similar people to yourself", "a way to explain some behaviors to trusted people", etc.

And you don't even have to commit one way or another, if you don't feel sure about it - autistic traits is a good explanation of some behaviors, even if you don't feel confident calling yourself a spectrumite just yet.

Hope that's helpful!

Thanks for your thoughts, EvilZakkie, and they are helpful.

If you have any questions about how I came to my own conclusion--which resulted in a self-dx--you can always PM me, Marcia

I self-dx'd first.  I actually joined AFF to learn more about Aspergers, since I already knew my husband EZ had it. I started reading a lot of things on here and found some traits that I had, so I introduced myself as an NT who had some AS traits and asked if it was possible to have slight AS. The answer was that it is a spectrum so you can be anywhere from 'just dipping your toes into the sea to being fully submerged' (quote by Sarahjoke who sadly isn't here anymore), but the general consensus was either you have it or you don't it seemed.  

So I read a lot of things, did various tests and found more things that I had just thought everybody did. It was kinda spooky seeing a name given to some of those things.  Before I got my diagnosis in December, I spoke to my mum about my behaviour as a child and she admitted that sometimes she didn't understand me.  She spoke of me getting angry all of a sudden and hiding away in my room for a few hours and she couldn't work out what had caused the change. I also used to have a lot of tantrums, banging my head on pieces of wood.  

My mum also told me that when I was a few years old and they were in the process of building the house, I would wander around after the tradesmen who came to the house and ask them questions about what they were doing.  When they came back I would remember their names and what they did.  Maybe bright NT kids do this too. I don't know, but it's something my mum brought up when I told her about AS.

Now that you have the official DX, do you still think you're hanging on the NT/AS divide?

I was thinking I could be borderline AS/NT for a while, but some of my traits are too strong for such a thing to be true, possibly.

I don't know really.  It's hard to say when I've been out in the world developing coping strategies for so long.  I was always the person to look after my little sisters, particularly when my mum was off doing whatever it was she did instead of coming home to cook dinner.  That changes a person I think.

Plus I left home at 17 as soon as I finished school. I had moved in with my father due to the fights with my mother expecting me to look after my sister's when I was also dealing with year 12 work...  Basically my brother was kicked out of my dad's house straight after school when he wasn't studying or working and I wouldn't have been any different.  I think that makes someone different...

As far as the spectrum is concerned, I'm probably not as far into the water as some people, but I guess I'm far enough to be diagnosed, so that's enough for me to say I'm an Aspie.

In some ways I suppose I have been fortunate to avoid the hardships you've written of, here.  But I don't think I'm any more or less Aspie for my struggles or non-struggles.

I'm reading some things in between the lines here that I'm not sure I like, perhaps you can clarify whether it was intentional or not.

I found out a relation was on the spectrum, and at first I panicked, because I thought of Rainman, and I genuinely thought autism was this horrible disorder that trapped you in some other world. But me being me (and that is, total Aspie ), I wanted to find out everything I possibly could about autism. In the end, I suppose autism became somewhat of a special interest - I collected as much literature as possible, scoured every (sensible) website I could, and asked as many people as I could.

By this time, I'd started to recognise autistic behaviours in myself, and people close to me started to comment on it. Linsey said to me "when I met you, I thought you really were just different... but the more I got to know you, the more I realised that there was just something... not not quite right, but that... you really are different, and I could never put my finger on what exactly". I'd show people Aspergers traits, not telling them what it was, and ask them what they thought - I'd usually get "oh wow, you do that, you're like that..."

I do believe it seems to run in families - I think the idea of having an Aspie kid is quite cute (not that I have any intention of breeding an Aspie kid, a kid's a kid, its not an extension of my personality and life ambitions). Especially because I'd know, and I'd know how to deal with them. When I spoke to my mother about autism, and she started asking me about traits, my dad happened to come downstairs to make a cup of tea, and I saw the look she gave him, as if to say "ah..." Speaking to my dad's brother about my dad, he said "you're the double of your dad in every way, even your mannerisms, the way you speak, your sense of humour... there's no way he could deny you're his!" He showed me pictures of my dad around my age, and its pretty clear that he's got Aspergers - he's not smiling in any photo (even his wedding ones), and he just has that... vibe. If I hadn't been told by his brother that I replicate his mannerisms, I'd not be as certain, but seeing photos of him before the schizophrenia got to him, and that knowledge... its too coincidental. Oddly enough, I always felt that I had a stronger connection to my father than my mother - felt confident that if my dad was well, he'd 'get' me in ways my mother didn't. Which is probably true, but hey! Its good enough for me these days to know I'm that similar to him, so I try to think "well, I'll live my life happily and fully now, because he can't, and I know this is what he would have wanted..."

Another thing that really struck me when reading about Aspergers is the part about echolia. I'm crap at doing accents, but if I'm around someone with a different accent, I've always absorbed it, without realising. When I was a kid, my accent flitted between Irish-American-Scots - I used a lot of American and Irish phrases, probably more so American. I just put it down to the fact I had an Irish gran, and lived in quite an Irish community, and the Americanisms I put down to the fact my dad was in the middle of emigrating there when he got ill. I have quite a few American relatives and people just assumed that I had an American parent (which I kinda, sorta do I guess... my dad was obsessed with American culture and was desperate to leave Scotland) - I used to say "mom" instead of "mum" (then it became this really twee "mother"; I used to say it the way Bambi says it when his mum got shot), stuff like that. Even now I don't have a true Glasgow accent, and I still use Americanisms and American pronouncations sometimes - I say 'vitamins' the American way for example, and I hate being corrected for it. Its all bloody English and you know what I'm saying, so what if I say "vyte-a-min" instead of "vit-a-min"?? Jeez...

Also, the monologues................

I guess if you feel the diagnostic criteria fits, go with it. Its not hurting anyone, and if you're comfortable labelling yourself, I don't see what the problem is. Locally, you can self-refer to the ARC, they deal with adult diagnosis, but one of the adult Aspies I know told me there's a change in their funding. So basically they're only getting funding to diagnose the 'problem' cases, i.e. if your Aspergers is causing difficulty in day to day living. I think most people who work with Aspergers on that level (and this is just my personal opinion on the matter too) would be inclined to say Aspergers itself isn't the problem, its the range of co-morbids that may present with it. I personally just see Aspergers as a different way of being, everyone has shortfalls as well as their good points. I'd probably be called hyperlexic, but also I'm convinced I have ADHD. I can pay a lot of attention to something I find interesting, but if I find something dull, I can't muster any attention. My temper used to be vile too - I have to do things to stop it beginning to boil. And I get really hyperactive spells, where I'm full of beans and literally cannot calm down. Most people do just find me funny in those spells, because all I do is make up my own languages, and amuse myself noisily for about an hour. I can't get a diagnosis though, because it doesn't impact greatly on my day to day living, and most people around me just say "Lorna, you're being ADHD again" if I do annoy them. I suppose I'm more suspectible to it as an Aspie, but its not a necessity. Thats why I don't buy into Aspie supremacy (although, as a geek, the X-Men comparison is always entertaining - "I WILL DEFEAT THE EVIL NT WARLORD WITH MY SUPERHUMAN JAVA PROGRAMMING ABILITIES").

What I mean is that I think my childhood experiences have changed what Aspie traits I would show, so it makes it hard to know which traits are because of my childhood and which are Aspie. If that makes sense.  I really wasn't having a go at you.  I can't find the line and to even think of it confuses me a bit. When I try to think of it in terms of myself it seems hard to pinpoint and vague. So honestly I don't know the line between NT and AS and I don't know where I sit... I'm just somewhere in there.

I think ( I believe I do anyway) alot like my absolutely aspie son. (maybe it's just from practice) I  know that he does not like to be "labeled".  I am also very resistent to labeling. (different than categorizing - I like to categorize as do both my sons) As far as being an adult - well past all the nonsense of being made to fit in an arbitrary "system" like a school system or what have you - if there aren't any issues that need support that being "official" would benefit, I would think going thru the "official" paces would be of no use. Who knows themself better than themself? Not a soul on earth.  If a person identifies or "identifies oneself" with other aspies, or with a certain trait, or any other groups charecteristics or with anything on earth, that is their right. That is enough, in my opinion.  Official means you went to "they" and "they" said you are.  Who cares what "they" say anyway?

I am an individual, that I know.  There is NO one exactly like me - we are all our genetics, our nature, our nurture may be different, our experiences mold how we may act. (Like when Bella wrote:" It's hard to say when I've been out in the world developing coping strategies for so long. ") Our education may change how we think about things.  Our birth into a particular family may well change our attitude - positive, negative, optimistic, pessimistic, cynical, idealistic... I may be very nuerotypical, who knows, I haven't often -( well until this forum) sat back and compared myself to others - that is not my nature - I may be a (supposed NT) because I CAN easily identify various traits/common experiences that I have/have lived thru and see many similarities with others - I often am able to relate (as you know if you read my posts here)  to alot of things that both aspies and non-aspies on this forum say and I communicate back my similar and sometimes parallel situations- I do this as a way to show I empathize or understand before I give advice, if any...  I am posting right now on this thread (talk about a tangent / monologue!) because I see myself in much of Bellas post and ocampos and well many of you all. (Luai!) Putting a label on myself would be akin to being (just for me mind you) homogenized - and who was it that said - famous saying... Groucho Marx (my son does a great impression of him) - and he even walks like him (not on purpose) : "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member".  But that's just me.