Aspies For Freedom

You've hit 4,008 now,mate!  

Batman, you're in with the wood, you've got your feet under the table....

(See my warning thread now....posting while drinking....onto second glass red wine...well down it in fact!)

You can't go....!!!  AFF wouldn't be the same without you!  I've missed you these last few days - have you been posting less or did I just keep missing you?

Sure....sometimes you could lighten up a bit!   But this is a community....we're all coming here from different places - geographically, spiritually, autistically....

Diversity in unity, unity in diversity....that's what I say!

And go to the doctor .... that's what we've all being saying!

I can say that I have not been irritated with you, and that I see that you often times add a welcome different thought to the threads.  Your posts shed light on many things.  I like that you post honestly about your struggles with your learning disabilities.  

I think that if you decide to stay, and that is what you WANT to do, that is a good thing.  But you have to make yourself happy, so I wish you the best either way.

Batman,

I agree with Ethel.

I've been thinking about this for a wee while and it does seem to me that you need to get yourself out of your real life environment in which you feel devalued and get yourself into another environment in which you are valued.  I was also going to suggest volunteering in some way - not so much to appreciate that there are others much worse off than you, although that would be part of it - but in a more positive way, for you to participate in a community in which you are valued.  I have told you before that you have worth and value and you denied it.  Every human being has worth and value, and we all have gifts.

You are very clear on what gifts you do not have, and you need to take the time and the action, to work out what gifts you do have.  From what we all see of you here, you undoubtedly are able to communicate very well in writing - maybe that's something you could explore...  Or maybe something else...

But get out, do things for other people who need and would welcome your interest and help.

And, for the umpteenth time, go to the doctor!

This thread is about Batman55, so I am sorry to interrupt to say this, but I wanted to let you know, ocampo, that I am very impressed with you.  You are a wonderful person.

Batman55, I hope you are able to listen and learn from all of these kind people that are trying to help you, help yourself.  

Thank you it does mean a lot to have people say that, it reassures me that I am going down the right path...

Also

Today this is how things are. Oops!

Thank you, QD... thats actually made me well up it does mean a lot to me to see people here who obviously see a difference in me... it gives me a lot of hope for a positive future

Anyway, this is Batman's thread, and I need to go blow my nose... lol

Batman, what I am going to say echoes what Natalie has said.  

You have spoken about your uncle before, and from memory I don't think he has any diagnosis.  I had a great uncle who, when his wife died, couldn't get himself dressed in the morning because he didn't know where his clothes were kept.  Like your uncle, his mother had done everything for him, and when he married, his wife took over that role.  Yes, he was in many ways helpless, and by the time he found himself having to fend for himself he was in his 90s, and really it was too late.  However, he was made helpless, by those who cared for him and looked after him.

There are many people who juggle jobs and family commitments, not because it's something they are particularly adept at or enjoy, but because they have to and because they'd rather swim than sink.  Often they're not so much swimming as staying afloat!

Then change that one thing at a time. It doesn't matter how small it is, or insignificant it seems to the world at large. Its not realistic to compare yourself with other people - when I did that, thats when I started getting depressed.

I was pretty chubby as a teenager, and I'm still prone to put on weight easily if I don't watch what I eat and exercise (luckily I tend to get absorbed in a special interest and not eat for 2-3 days ). I also had zero social interaction skills, but the way I saw it was that I was academic, so it didn't matter that I had no friends and got bullied constantly. I couldn't handle it when I didn't get first in a test, or when someone finished coursework before me. Then I went to university and not only were all the girls prettier and slimmer than me, but some of them were also more intelligent. And I hated them, because they threatened me in the one thing I thought was sacred: my intelligence.

I still don't have very good social skills. People like me because I seem quite witty, and random, but I'm a bit... magnolia in terms of being traditionally fun, for my age and peer group (thankfully a shift to Computer Science may change the latter - I've been assured by several Aspies in my area I will be a pin up for WoW-obsessed, socially awkward 20-something year old male virgins ). Pop culture holds absolutely no interest for me. I can't grasp that I 'should' at least make an effort with these things. You might think I seem articulate when I communicate, and I am, but socially, I'm below inadequate. It used to upset me, but I don't let it get to me anymore. Thats where you can have a cognitive difficulty and your attitude does reflect how you adapt to it. I have very little understanding of what to do in certain situations, and I find them really upsetting, because I can't adapt to deal with them. For example, I went around to the house of a girl I know after things blew up in my relationship, and I just wanted someone to have a coffee with, and have a laugh with. Anyway, she hadn't seen me in years, and I'd really changed appearance in that time, and throughout my time being there, I got the impression that she was extremely attracted to me... then her housemates came in and made it obvious that they thought the same. I left the room to go to the bathroom, and I could hear them saying "is your mate gay?" *whispers* "is she single?" *whispers, giggles* When I came back in the room, I just felt totally, totally out of my depth. I felt like a tin of Pedigree Chum at a dog rescue home. We're all 'impaired' in some way - I just happen to have a lot of social difficulties. I just do not recognise cues to shut up, go away - I will literally follow someone around talking about something I find interesting, until they tell me to shut up. Even if they change the subject, I'll still talk about mine. I feel like a total idiot when I realise I've put my foot in it again, and I wonder why I just cannot grasp it. I've called myself a *** and gotten angry at myself so many times because of it.

If you genuinely believe your difficulties are due to AS or a similar disorder, then my best advice to you would be to get it diagnosed, so that you can get the adequate support. Part of changing things about yourself you dislike, imho, is to set up support to help you in things you have difficulty in.

I have to weigh in with a similar comment. Whether I was ready or not, I was out on my own when I was 16 years old.  I tried to return once, with my boyfriend in tow, so we could both "go to college and live without cost at my parents' house".  That lasted 3 months.  (Granted, I am NT, and all that stuff, but...)

My husband was literally kicked out when he was 18.  As in, came home to find his things on the lawn.  Again, he was allowed to return (when he was 21 and attempting college), but only for about 2-3 months when he was informed that it was time for him to go.  

We really had no option.  It was a sink or swim situation.  What would you do?

Batman,

I'm not turning against you.  Please read all the posts on this thread with an open mind - open to possibilities and open to the fact that people are offering advice because they care.  I'm sorry if I offended you - that was not my intention.

I wouldn't say I'm turning against you either Batman - I don't know you for a start, and there's no reason for me to. You're under no obligation to listen to, or take the advice of, anything anyone tells you - so insofar as turning against you, that would be rather futile on my part...

O/T... My God Marcia, you've only been here what - 2 months, and your post count is only 20 off mine? DO YOUR ESSAY WORK WOMAN!

Mmm...post count - see what you mean...ooops!

Did I ever mention that procrastination was one of my hobbies?

I think this is an unneccessarily harsh, patronising and unsympathetic response to what Ethel is saying.

Objectively as well, if someone is telling you that they're suicidal... well, its draining. My ex was like that with me, I used to have to deal with her self harming a lot. This isn't to tar all self-harmers with that brush - I know people who self-harm, and they've agreed with my opinion of certain people who do it... but she used to do it in places that you could see, so it would leave scars...

Its draining. Its completely exhausting. I don't know the situation between Ethel and Batman at all; I'm speaking objectively. But coming from someone who has supported someone with a lot of personal issues, it is a lot of hard work. And to some degree, I think Ethel should get some kudos for that, not criticism, just because she lost patience. I think when someone tells you their problems, it is hard, especially for an Aspie, not to try and take on the role of problem solver. And to outburst the way Ethel has - twice - would say to me that she is someone who clearly did care very very very much for Batman and has, in time, snapped. Its not easy to snap like that at someone you've cared for and tried to help either. I've snapped and been snapped over... Both sides are frustrating, and both sides feel guilty.

There is obviously something in Batman's behaviour/posts that has kept Ethel feeling that angry, and I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it, if thats how she chooses to feel. To me, thats obviously a woman who has tried to be of help and assistance to someone, and has snapped.