And what if I'm just not a very generous human being?
What if I'm stuck on what I can do--what Aspie gifts I'm entitled to--rather than what I can do for others?
It's nice to have someone value you for your assistance or generosity. But in the end, that's not what I want to be valued for. I want to be valued for other things, like special interest-type stuff, just like most other Aspies on the forum.
I'm still asking... "where's mine?"
People tell me I should do something with writing and art, and therefore it has the potential to be a special interest, which might eventually lead to the possibility of monetary gain (how much or how little does not matter to me, the desire of every autistic is to have a job where they can employ their special interest.)
If I had to care about other people, then all I would do is care about other people, because I don't have the cognitive flexibility to switch from one mode to another--my life is based around routines.
I still think "me me me" is fine, because all I see from the kids I've interacted with is "degree in 4 years, I didn't study for the SAT but still got 1300, 50k job in another 2 years." If you are telling me I'm not allowed to think this way--in my own little way, around my special interests--then you are saying that anyone with ambition is selfish.
Why would you say you are "better than me"? That's not a nice thing to say.
You're not entitled to any gifts. Nobody is. We are what we are.
For the record I'm not naturally good at anything. I read a lot of books and I made up stories in my head, which is why I can write stories. You're not the only one with problems. I don't know what sort of life you have or what sort of family I have, but your recent posts have made me angry, not just on this thread, on the other ones too.
Let me tell you what I've been dealing with lately - my dad hit my sister and called her a moron just the other day, but my dad has Parkinsons and also probably Bi-polar and the morning after his anger he rang both my sister and I in tears. So I put aside my morals about him hitting people... hell I've even seen him hold his wife around the throat while she called out to me for help and I was helpless because I was scared of him... but now I need to sit and listen to him talk about his problems because he is ill and I help him.
I'm very sorry to see that you are going this at the moment. I'm afraid I don't know what else to say, however, because I'm not good at empathizing and I've already pissed you off anyway.
I know it's not all about me, but to me it looks like you're saying I shouldn't be allowed to focus on my interests, or something. That I should be "forced" to focus on people or something. I may be imagining things, of course, but the dislike you've shown in your comment seems to indicate you are disgusted by the lifestyle I seem to have.
It does look like I am disliked by some people here. Not many people replied or seemed to care about this thread, anyway.
I like you, Batman55, but if you are as stuck in this negativity groove as you appear to be, you need more help than we can provide. Ultimately, only you can provide the answers you need - they may be escaping you at the moment, but that may be because you seem to be focussing on what is wrong for/to you and refusing to accept that there might be answers, let alone explore what they are.
You will be disliked by some people everywhere and anywhere - you are also liked by some people here, and some people everywhere and anywhere will like you.
Try typing that, right now - making a positive thought concrete can help it conqure the negative thoughts. It is true - if some dislike you, it follows that some people like you. Write that instead - you might find more people posting here...positivity appeals to people, especially groups of people who probably have enough of their own negativity to field.
Well I don't understand what I'm seeing here. I get from some that I'm gifted in one or two things and entitled to focus on these things as often as I wish. But others are saying, since I'm not good enough at these things for them to ever become marketable grade, I should lose the self-interest space and apply myself to other people instead.
It can only be one or the other for me--do you understand how executive dysfunction works, or like everyone else, you see this as "Batman's great lie"?--I can either apply myself to people, or apply myself to special interests, but not both. I can do both equally and fail at both, though, but that's not what I want. I can do one and possibly succeed, but then I have no room left for the other.
There's an image I'd bring up to evoke this particular "all or nothing" problem: think of a stereotypical LFA working on a puzzle all day by himself. In that kid's world, there's no ROOM left over for people, it is either all the puzzle, or all NOT the puzzle, but not both.
I think most aspies are only good at something because they focus on it as a special interest; they practice it a lot--that’s why they’re good at it. Not because of any inherit gift or ability (of course I could be wrong).
AFF is a way to practice my writing, if I would force myself to get off the internet and do stuff with people instead, then I would lose some "practice time."
I guess people are saying volunteering as a way to get myself out of a rut, I understand that, but it's not really my aspiration in life.
Just focus of the things you enjoy...your special interests.
If you focus on them enough you may become good at them--if not just enjoy them.
I'd like to do precisely that, but to do so would mean I will continue to be castigated by people on AFF--and elsewhere--for not "paying my dues" to society or helping out with family and friends, and stuff. It can only be one or the other, I'm afraid.
I'm afraid I live a disgusting lifestyle that no one approves of, but it's the only way I can have special interests.
So it would seem...
Ouch!
For what it's worth Ethel, Batman hasn't behaved any differently toward you than anyone else.
Many of us have tried to help; and have been met with the same response.
Try not to take it too personally--he's a good guy...just a bit self-obsessed.
Ah, what kind of undesirable response have I shown you, quickduck, and others? Understand that I sometimes like things to be repeated so I can remember for future's sake.
And Ethel, that did hurt a bit.
Quickduck I must say it's a brilliant use of pictures and visuals in this thread, you really hit the mark.
Ocampo is implying that it's "just my attitude".. well, some of it is, some of it is not, though.
I feel guilty for reading this because I feel "you're all expecting" great change from me, and a lot of these changes are changes I'm simply not willing to make, to be frank.
I do need SOME change, but to ask for a lot from me is simply wrong. Ocampo, you mentioned about ten or more things you've changed in less than a year's time... that is not a realistic goal for me, at all.
Can't I make some comparisons and some explanations for my behavior? Am I entitled to some explanation of behavior--some limitations I have where I can say "because I have X limitation, doing Y is not desirable and I should do Z instead". "Z" being what someone with severe executive functioning problems can realistically do. Why do you all say this is just an emotional/negativity problem, when I feel it's related to a cognitive difficulty or PDD, etc??
I mean, how much do I need to do to VERIFY some issues I have and have you folks accept them as things I SHOULD NOT do rather than "it's just negativity; JUST WORK HARD and you'll fix it"?
My uncle, for example, has the same thing I have (and so does my brother.) My uncle has lived at home all his life--his mother cooked for him, even as a grown man, and he never moved out--and if you tell him he should do something for his own benefit, it does not get done. He simply doesn't have the ability to execute. The simplest things for him take eons compared to other people.
And then I say this and YOU ALL say "I have that same exact problem!" If that is the case, then why does my PDD uncle have all these struggles, and yet you all have "risen above it"??
Don't call it an excuse. I can ONLY do one---small---thing---at---a---time. Please do not expect more from me because I can write pretty well on the Internet.
I give up in a way, I tried to get people to understand I have limitations, and I'm still told it's not limitation... it's "all negativity."
I'm not asking for pity, I'm asking to be understood properly, that's all.
My uncle, for example, has the same thing I have (and so does my brother.) My uncle has lived at home all his life--his mother cooked for him, even as a grown man, and he never moved out--and if you tell him he should do something for his own benefit, it does not get done. He simply doesn't have the ability to execute. The simplest things for him take eons compared to other people.
Batman, what I am going to say echoes what Natalie has said.
You have spoken about your uncle before, and from memory I don't think he has any diagnosis. I had a great uncle who, when his wife died, couldn't get himself dressed in the morning because he didn't know where his clothes were kept. Like your uncle, his mother had done everything for him, and when he married, his wife took over that role. Yes, he was in many ways helpless, and by the time he found himself having to fend for himself he was in his 90s, and really it was too late. However, he was made helpless, by those who cared for him and looked after him.
There are many people who juggle jobs and family commitments, not because it's something they are particularly adept at or enjoy, but because they have to and because they'd rather swim than sink. Often they're not so much swimming as staying afloat!
Whether my uncle has a diagnosis or not doesn't matter. Observation over a couple decades of seeing him is all the proof I need. If other people on here can say their grandparents had AS--and they do--I'm allowed to say my uncle has it.
I don't believe my uncle was made helpless. I think he did all he could. He had a fulltime job and the stress from it was enough for him, I feel that was his limit and he fulfilled it.
Marcia, why "turn against me"? I'm not being made helpless. I had a part time job before and could barely handle that, and I'm serious.
If there was more force on me, I wouldn't suddenly gain the ability to do community college without the stress of emotional breakdown and social problems. I've tried these things and they were not for me.
Batman - you don't have to change, you really don't- you are exactly who you are supposed to be and you are perfect just the way you are. Just know that if you want to, vary, or adjust your life or your lifestyle you can, if and when you want to. ;o) If you are not pleased and satisfied with a particular aspect of your life - change that part - you don't need to change yourself to change your circumstances, just decide waht it is you want and plan for it. You are a realist I think, it is not all attitude, you are correct in that. However, thinking that you cannot will most certainly lower your options.
I'm simply upset that some members are turning against me, a bit. I don't like fingers being pointed and judgment being made, etc. I don't judge anyone's life circumstances on here, and yet it is now happening to me.
a lot of these changes are changes I'm simply not willing to make, to be frank.
Well, if you're not remotely interested in considering any of the advice kind strangers have gone out of their way to offer... why bother asking for advice in the first place? If you want to leave, leave. If you want to stay, stay. If you don't care what the rest of us say why waste time asking?
Oh, sorry, it's not advice you want, is it? Because advice would imply you were remotely interested in helping yourself. And if you're not willing to change, you're obviously not.
I didn't say "all changes" were changes I wasn't willing to make. I do like a lot of the advice, but remember it takes me a while to do stuff, and I have this tendency of trying to canvas all possibilities/all points of view. At the moment I am having someone from my real life situation helping me "get going" a bit.
I apologize if it looked like I was completely thankless for your words, Ethel, and everyone else's. It got me down a bit to see stones being thrown at the end of the thread, although I guess that's what happens when you're an oppositional bastard. In that sense I deserved it.
I'd recommend avoiding the PMs with Batman, that's for sure.
I just found out about a week ago that he'd PM'd someone I know personally and had encouraged to come to this site. Basically, Batman gave her the message that because she is NT (with an aspie boyfriend), she doesn't belong here. Like....where do you get off with that, Batman? (The poster was generic_humanoid, fwiw, and while she was perfectly capable of ignoring you, your PM to her wasn't what you'd call welcoming.) I hope that some day you'll be able to get over yourself, Batman. I'm glad that you're finding some help offline.
That was not nice of you.
Really, none of you are going to respond to me anymore?
I really shouldn't PM anyone?
Why has the antagonism--the throwing of stones--happened again? It happened once. I SAID I was hurt by it.
Then I apologized.
And then it happened again and someone brought up an incident that happened over a year ago, which I don't even remember. 