Aspies For Freedom - Milestones, and possible retirement

I'm one of the people who often finds you to be irritating, Batman. You're certainly in the top 5 of attention-seekers. However, you've received a lot of positive feedback at AFF.  Many folks have said that they value your input. So guess what--there's no consensus regarding people's opinion of you.

The issue is whether or not you benefit from your time spent on AFF. Ask yourself--Why am I here? How is being here helping or hurting me?  Are there more important ways to spend my time?

For what it's worth, you are someone I worry and think about.  I fear that you're wasting your life by virtue of obsessing over all the things that you're not capable of or don't have.  That envy is self-defeating and poisonous to anything that is truly good about your life, your talents, your present situation, and your future.

I think you would benefit by giving service to others, even if it's just in your own home, or just doing some kind of menial work, to start with.  Something...anything...to release self-absorption and inner pain that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol. It's clear that you're suffering.  I don't know you and so don't know what would truly help you.  Whatever it is, I hope you can find solace and recognize life's gifts when they come your way.

Batman55 Wrote:

energeia Wrote:

The issue is whether or not you benefit from your time spent on AFF. Ask yourself--Why am I here? How is being here helping or hurting me? Are there more important ways to spend my time?

The question I have to ask is, why would this be any concern to you (or other people on AFF)?  I might be thinking one-dimensionally here, only a couple times people have said "if AFF isn't helping you progress, maybe you should leave."  Perhaps I'm seeing too much into this.

Well, it's your life, your time.  My point was that I don't think you should base your decision on whether to stay or leave AFF on the grounds of what other people think.  If you find it worthwhile, e.g., for the reasons you say below, then stay.

Either way, I have reasons for having the lifestyle I have.  Admittedly a decent chunk of time is spent on AFF, but being here allows me to practice writing skills--something I value highly and want to improve upon--and read new words and thoughts and ideas.  That's "good activity" for me.  It is concentrated on just one forum, but so what?  I don't do "multi" very well, in fact I don't do it at all.

You are well liked on AFF Batman; but I think sometimes people just want to get on with things and not be engaged in a constant analysis of their ’condition’.
As to the issue of ’gifts’…
Well it all rather depends on what you call a ’gift’. No doubt, there are some very clever people here on this website; but whether any of them is gifted is moot point. The vast majority of people here are just more positive about the things they are good at than you are. They value their special interests.

I think in many ways, our so-called gifts are simply ways we’ve found to adapt to the problems of AS. We’ve become good in some areas because of an inability in others. This does not mean that we’re necessarily gifted.

You for example are far better than me at writing. When I read other people’s posts I’m amazed at how concise and well written they are; they say the things I want to say so much better than I can say them (this includes a number of your posts). I try to compensate for my inability with words by using pictures. People say I’m good at finding an appropriate pic…but it’s really just a way of getting my point across, when words fail me.

I think most aspies are only good at something because they focus on it as a special interest; they practice it a lot--that’s why they’re good at it. Not because of any inherit gift or ability (of course I could be wrong).

Just focus of the things you enjoy...your special interests.
If you focus on them enough you may become good at them--if not just enjoy them.
Use the skills you have to make what money you can.
The skills you do have may not always be marketable.
Do your best...do what you can, when and where you can.
Use the skills you do have to compensate for those you're lacking.
I'm afraid the chances are you won't be recognises as a genius.

I think you perhaps have an unrealistic impression of yourself batman; you're clever...everyone here knows you're clever. You've proved you're clever here on the forum.
Your main problem (if indeed you have a problem) is emotional...its your negativity; and this cannot be tackled by contemplating your 'executive dysfunction'--only by looking toward self-acceptance.

Batman55 Wrote:

quickduck Wrote:

Just focus of the things you enjoy...your special interests.
If you focus on them enough you may become good at them--if not just enjoy them.

I'd like to do precisely that, but to do so would mean I will continue to be castigated by people on AFF--and elsewhere--for not "paying my dues" to society or helping out with family and friends, and stuff. It can only be one or the other, I'm afraid.

I'm afraid I live a disgusting lifestyle that no one approves of, but it's the only way I can have special interests.

I have absolutely no idea what ‘paying your dues’ is supposed to mean.
Everyone has there own way…there’s own place in the great scheme of things.
You are who you are…
Nobody has a right to tell you what to do Batman; but most of us are reliant on others at least to some degree.

I suppose there’s a choice to be make…
You either live as a hermit in a cave somewhere--completely alone--focusing on your special interests.
Or you become a quirky, maladjusted member of society with family and friends.
I chose the latter…or rather it chose me.
Neither is the easy option.

Ethel Wrote:

And hell has no fury like a woman scorned.

So it would seem...Ouch!
For what it's worth Ethel, Batman hasn't behaved any differently toward you than anyone else.
Many of us have tried to help; and have been met with the same response.
Try not to take it too personally--he's a good guy...just a bit self-obsessed. Rolleyes

Batman55 Wrote:

quickduck Wrote:

Ah, what kind of undesirable response have I shown you, quickduck, and others? Understand that I sometimes like things to be repeated so I can remember for future's sake.

And Ethel, that did hurt a bit.

Ok, you appear to ask for help and advice; and then when it’s given you use your not insubstantial intelligence to dissect and devalue it.
You’re a good guy…but sometimes the self-obsessed introspection and self-analysis can get a bit much--that’s all.

God dam it!! stop attacking me!

Nods of agreement...
If I haven't already said so...I'm also VERY impressed by Ocampo; and if I'm honest, a little intimidated by her intelligence and gift for words. I read everything she writes...even if I don't respond. A very clever lady. Smile

Your future will be positive Ocampo...I'm sure of it. Smile

oh, sorry...back to Batman.

I was in a similar situation to you Batman…I stayed at home far longer than is usual.

While at home I went to college--this was because my parents wouldn’t allow me sit around and ‘do nothing’--which in truth is what I would have preferred to have done.

Little by little I found the situation at home was becoming more difficult; I had out grown the family home and yet I didn’t feel confident or competent enough to survive on my own.

Finally I went away to university…and as I had suspected I found it very hard to survive. I degenerated into a kind of urban caveman--unkempt and disorganised--I ended up living in a dangerous area with no phone--in a house infested with mice--it was the worst time of my life. I came close to having a nervous breakdown.

But after leaving university things started to change. After a long succession of temp jobs I manage to secure a permanent position and was able to support myself for the first time. I started socialising with people from work--all be it badly. I met my wife and we bought a house together. We had two children. And although I’m still incredibly disorganised, scatty and forgetful--I’m confident that I can survive.

The thing is…unless fate had given me a nudge--I would never have done any of these things--never learnt any survival skills. Being independent...just being able to survive on your own is great! It can bring you self-esteem and self-confidence; and as far as I'm concerned as long as I can survive, I'm happy. Smile

I'm sorry if you feel I've turned against you Batman. I was simply conveying my own experiences--not passing judgement on your lifestyle or telling you what to do. Your happiness is my/our primary concern and since you don’t appear to be very happy--we tried to offer support and advice.

Staying at home might well be the best thing for you--I certainly would have done far better on my degree if I’d stayed at home. Everyone’s different…it’s whatever works for you.

ReineDeLaSeine14 Wrote:

People were just frustrated that's all.

Yeah, that's it I think...
People like and want to help you Batman--that's why they've invested so much time and emotional energy into this thread.

I wouldn’t say Batman’s attention seeking…more that he’s just incredibly introspective and self involved. He’s still looking for answers. This might come across as attention seeking…but it really isn’t. Shy

We can all offer advice…but any change will have to come from Batman. If we find our advice is ignored…well…just don’t give anymore. It’s the height of arrogance to think our advice should be taken…and there’s little point in getting upset it isn’t.

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