Aspies For Freedom

Harrasment:  What is it?

I think that I am harrassed quite often but I don't realize it all the time.  It could be bullying at work or in public places.  By people I know or by strangers.   What acts verbal or physical are harrasment?

How can I recognize it?

What should I do about it?  I know I can talk to the supervisor at work.  What about in public places?   If I am in a store and people start going on about the way I dress or walk or stim -- what should I do?  

I have had a few things happen to me that were bad and I do think that I had a right to do something about it.  

example:  I was in Walmart.  I wear rather long old-fashioned looking clothes and sometimes small bonnet things (like Mennonite) on my head.  A woman and her teenager daughter (strangers to me, I have face blindness but I was sure I didn't know them) came very close to me and started saying "Do you smell goat?"  "Do you smell pig?"  I started getting confused because I couldn't smell anything.  Then the girl asked me "Do you live on a farm?"  I said I did not but I didn't understand why they were talking to me.  I asked her why she wanted to know and then she went on about how weird my clothes were etc  how I looked so bad and that "other people had to look at me".   I told her that my faith required me to wear modest dress and they would not go up to a Muslim person and say such things.  I asked the mother why she taught her daughter to be such a bigot?  Maybe by then there were other people watching.  

Should I have asked for help from the store staff?  Am I protected against any laws from this type of bullying?  Is it harrasment?

It's definitely rude.

Sometimes I am afraid of the verbal assault becoming physical.  The verbal abuse sometimes does hurt me.  I also have a bad temper and do not want to be provoked into some more verbal exchange.  Perhaps I have to be more unreactive to people's verbal abuse and be considerate of their ignorance or I can choose to do something about it other than ignoring it.  

Once these two people were smoking and blowing smoke into the face of someone.  It was outside but very crowded -- I think it was at an outdoor concert.  There were also many children around  (some places such as theme parks forbid people from smoking in line ups just because there are so many children around and people who have to suffer second hand smoke).  They started swearing at this woman who asked them not smoke.  After a few minutes of this offense to people's ears -- I pulled out a dictionary from my backpack and asked them if they wanted to borrow it.  They finally left.  Then some people told me that they had spit on my back.  Spitting on someone is assault.  

Only sometimes people will slap, pull a knife or gun out if someone challenges their verbal attack.  People warn me not to say anything.  I remember this man coming on the bus wearing a swatsika pin.  There was silence and people emptied the seats around him but no one said anything about his offensive accessory.  I sometimes feel that I have failed as a human by seemingly giving consent to people's bad behaviours by not saying anything.  I fear harm but really the harm to me is done already by the verbal or visual offense.  I should start defending the innocent again.

Choose your fights carefully.

I have had some really bad bullying done to me by people I thought were my friends.  I am going through a time now where I hardly talk to people at all now because of it.   I have opinions I do share here but I am having much rage inside me right now.  It is very tiring.  

Having people around might prevent attacks from happening to me.  One has to hope that someone will intervene if I were to be attacked.  I maybe should concentrate on recognizing how some people might try to isolate me from other people so that they can harm me or what information they are trying to get from me.  I have a difficult time with thinking people are being friendly in their question asking when they are not friendly and intending to victimize me.  

Maybe I should just be mute or pretend not to understand their language.  I used to use "No English!" often.

Sometimes though the fights choose you.

Harrassment is different things to different people. Basically it's a perceived interference. Now those on the Spectrum - with our base preference for routine - have a wider definition of harrassment than NT's, which is why we feel exploited at times. I know that's my experience. I used to walk or run from such things, but that ended up cutting me off from the things I need in my life. So I fight instead.

One of the keys to what I call the "Battle for Respect" is to recognise this wider definition. At the moment the law doesn't (it relies on the NT definition) and that's why my legal battles with the government here have failed and I had to turn to a political fight.

It's funny though. When I fight companies or organisations - much strike rate is poor (0 from 2 with a third settled out of court). But when I fight individuals I have a perfect strike rate (2 from 2 with a third clearly on the way - I don't count one other scenario because that wasn't fought in court). I prefer to fight that way if it comes to that, because at least it shows the other side I'm serious. Well - that third individual is an exception and he'll pay for that (that's not someone known to this forum by the way).

Harrassment is worth fighting - but if you go down the legal path, if you don't have an NT definition covered for; you have no hope of success. My own tactic in that regard, is to get closure via my own website. For the most part that has worked.

Perhaps ask for an appointment with your local police station to discuss your experiences and see what the legal position is and what advice they give you about what to do should some of the things you've described occur in the future.
(I have done this-  admittedly over the phone as face to face communicaiton is very stressful for me - and it was very useful)

Maybe get some legal advice too.

Me too, Atypical - it's something that I've been fighting for since goodness knows when! You've hit the root of my anxiety right on the nose so I definitely sympathise and indeed empathise with your son.

Heh girl asked me if I lived on a farm once.

skinny little ***, the things i'd do to her..

Ahem no Ian, that was in the past.

Just people I don't know (total strangers or people I don't recognize due to face blindness) just coming up to me and giving me a bunch of verbal abuse.  --Is that harassment.

I know now that people often ask for my opinion at work for example but sometimes after I give it they start up some rant because they don't agree with me.  Maybe they do that on purpose.  I might expect abuse if I went around preaching and offering my opinion to people who were not interested.  I do not often start conversation other than the ritual greetings required.  

Do I have to say that I do not want the interaction or conversation for it to be harassment?  Does it have to happen more than once?

Going to the police station for help would be a good idea.  I did that a few times to ask about people doing phone fraud and about police background checks.  The only stupid thing they told me was not to give out my name, address, phone number to strangers but I have to do that every time I apply for a job.

government human rights code define harassment as "means engaging in a course of vexatious comment or conduct that is known or ought reasonably to be known to be unwelcome"

vexatious means "causing irritation, worry or annoyance"

But some people know if it really bothers me, they will do it more.  I would have to have an authority there to enforce and witnesses for the abuse.

I realize now that some people will purposely isolate their victims so that they can abuse more.  I often find that the abuse will not occur if other people are around or nearby.  

I had some incidents (while in work uniform) of verbal abuse.  The predator had one of their colleagues kept the victim behind the group of others while questioning them with random questions.  They sometimes used the excuse of "we know your friend **** other there".  The predator then had the opportunity to abuse when the victim was isolated from their group.    Of course in uniform I can not fight back -- verbally or whatever.  They know this.  I remember this man can up to me at work and said the most venomous thing to me -- I was near a manager and said  "Did you hear what that man said to me?  then when she talked to him -- he did not say anything bad.  I told her later what he said.   Now I just say "ask a manager" -- I am allowed to say that.  I try to keep with other workers.  

Some types of abuse are really terrorism.  Because terrorism is "terrorism: The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence against people or property to coerce or intimidate governments or societies, often to achieve political, religious, or ideological objectives."

True - but if you are in the minority (ie others wouldn't find the same behaviour vexatious) then you are in big trouble. Particularly when it comes to humour - some idiots see harassment as one big laugh.

That being the case you need more proof that what they're doing is actually doing damage. I've got a perfect example - but as it's an ongoing legal action I can't talk about it in public.

People are just ignorant.  They will likely not harass Muslim women wearing long dresses and veils.  They know that is it is "politically incorrect".  Just so they see a white woman wearing a long dress and some funny type of hat, me -- it is not ok to verbally harass me just as it is not ok to harass some Muslim hijab wearing woman.  Usually when I point that out to people, they go away.  

I don't feel that I have to change the way I dress to appeal more to people or change my autism either.  My uniform, I can't change but I will not quit or see why it should be changed to hide that we are in uniform.  

Timelord wrote:  "That being the case you need more proof that what they're doing is actually doing damage. I've got a perfect example - but as it's an ongoing legal action I can't talk about it in public."

That is a problem to take legal action against people who harass me.  I just try to ignore it unless I am in a public place where there are other people present who might assist me and where there are policies against harassment.  I can ask a mall security guard or transit police for help or stand near them as a deterrent for harassment or violence.  My country does have hate laws.  

Harassment is where terrorism starts.

I'm hard pressed to think of any bullying/teasing behaviour that would not fall under this definition, especially after being told it is unwelcome.