04-24-2008, 11:34 AM
Below is some stuff I wrote when I was a depressed teenager. Just for the record : now I'm 26 and I no longer feel like that....
BEING HUMAN
An infinite layer of shallowness
lies on decaying humanity
hiding the filth of our inner minds
A huge bloody blanket of deception
covers the thruth, prevents the pain
but kills the needs of our souls
Fear of living created illusions
to fill our daily lives with
Fear of loving created a wall
to put behind our deepest feelings
Fear of oneself
the essence of being human
Tick, tack, depth is eroding
tick, tack,...
-----------------------------------------------------
SPIRAL DOWNWARDS
Rusty blades
slip my throat
I'm quietly dying inside
A dark messenger
with bloody hands
is waiting for my selfdestruction
A timebomb is ticking
and will destroy
everything I ever was
everything I'd ever be
everything I'd never be
Internal fires destroy my mind
External pains I feel no more
My dreams, my hopes demolished
I'll soon be gone forever
-----------------------------------------------------
MOONLIGHT SONATA
1 a.m., somewhere in May
bright moonlight illuminates
a small teenage bedroom
giant posters of bigbreasted women
hang proudly over a yellow wall
10-inch model sportscars
are carefully planted on a black wooden shelf
a large expensive stereo
with CD-changer and double-deck tape
is playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
There's a picture of a little dog
hanging next to an American flag
and on the desk in the corner
lie some recently bought heavy metal CD's
some pictures of a school trip two weeks ago
some precious old comic books
and a small Mickey Mouse shaped desk lamp
Next to the desk stands a backpack
filled with books of chemistry,
physics, geometry and algebra.
And on the bed placed in the middle
lies the half-naked body of a 16-year old boy
with a yawning black hole in the side of his head
covered with seemingly gallons of blood
Next to him lies a smoking pistol,
a torn picture of a 16-year old girl
and a small paper with some quickly written words:
All I need is love
dot dot
bloodstain
-----------------------------------------------------
EMPTINESS
A mellow heart
bound to be broken
a wave of good luck
meant to fade
a light in the distance
about to go out
true happiness, is it just an illusion
or is it a state of life
that isn't meant for me?
Two arms around my shoulders
keeping me warm
two lipe against mine
guiding me to paradise
that's what my dreams are made of
that's simply what I need
But in this world of hatred
of deception, lies and cruelty
there only rests a void
...
-----------------------------------------------------
THE END OF A SENSELESS CRUSH
I'm quietly losing my mind.
I'm losing all sense of perspective
But I can't remember why
That's something I seized to find.
It has something to do with a girl
Who once seemed to be really special
But now I don't know, who an I, who is she
That's something I seized to find.
I even don't know if I'm happy or sad
I don't know how to feel any more
Why did she once cause my biggest depression
That's something I seized to find.
And her image still floats through my head
With a mouth not knowing if it should smile or be hateful
What are her real feelings towards me
That's something I seized to find.
Do I like her, do I hate her?
Does she like me, does she hate me?
Confusion rises high in the sky.
Will I ever find the truth
Or will I always be in this darkness
Paranoidly praying for paradise.
That's something I need to find.
-----------------------------------------------------
LIFE WITHOUT A PURPOSE
Neverending dreams
of a definite impossibility,
haunted by the beauty
of a goddess far away
essence of my feelings
cruel contradictions
essence of my mind
a cradle of insanity
Neverending torture
is life without a purpose
An intensely sceaming void
a cry for help, a need for warmth
Hiding under a tiny rock
for speeding strikes of pain
Hiding for the answer
that kills what I believe in
As a lonely little mouse
bled dry by a vampire bat
moaning for attention
when he's lost all of his luck
hoping for a painless death
away from life without a purpose
-----------------------------------------------------
SAD
Haunted
By an image
Of neverending lonelyness
By the thought I’ll never
Hold anyone in my arms
I’ll never
Know the meaning of love
I never
Will be truely needed
Dreaming
About a life
Of neverending happiness
With the thought there’ll always
Be someone who really cares
There’ll always
Be someone to look after me
I always
Will be needed
Listening
To Radiohead’s « Creep »
Tiny sparcling drops
Filled with all the pureness
Still left in my brittle heart
Slowly travel down
My shivering unschaven cheek
To suddenly drop and fall apart
Like every dream I’ve ever had
Life can be so fun
-----------------------------------------------------
THE PICTURE ON MY WARDROBE'S DOOR
Probably the worst
picture ever made of her
is hanging on my wardrobe's door
right in front of me.
When I look into her eyes
I'm drowning in a field of quicksand
When I look at her doubtful smile
she lures me into madness.
The picture keeps on hanging
as my feelings keep doing too.
I simply cannot get her out of my mind
as the picture keeps on hanging.
Never will I forget
the girl in the picture on my wardrobe's door
There will always be the memory
of my shattered long lost dreams.
Never will I forget
that strange sweet girl
who set my heart on fire
and left it still burning.
When finally this year has ended
I may never see her in my life again
and then the only reminder
will be the picture on my wardrobe's door
-----------------------------------------------------
NEVER EVER AGAIN
Driven by a melow song
On a dark rainy highway
Just wanting to go home
Dreaming about the future
Thinking about the past
Where is the music taking me to
Is another depression near
Standing on my balkony
I recognize the thuth
The lyrics haunt my mind
Radiohead
God
Reality
I’m heading for another crash
Doing it again
But I won’t let it happen
Never ever again
BEING HUMAN
An infinite layer of shallowness
lies on decaying humanity
hiding the filth of our inner minds
A huge bloody blanket of deception
covers the thruth, prevents the pain
but kills the needs of our souls
Fear of living created illusions
to fill our daily lives with
Fear of loving created a wall
to put behind our deepest feelings
Fear of oneself
the essence of being human
Tick, tack, depth is eroding
tick, tack,...
-----------------------------------------------------
SPIRAL DOWNWARDS
Rusty blades
slip my throat
I'm quietly dying inside
A dark messenger
with bloody hands
is waiting for my selfdestruction
A timebomb is ticking
and will destroy
everything I ever was
everything I'd ever be
everything I'd never be
Internal fires destroy my mind
External pains I feel no more
My dreams, my hopes demolished
I'll soon be gone forever
-----------------------------------------------------
MOONLIGHT SONATA
1 a.m., somewhere in May
bright moonlight illuminates
a small teenage bedroom
giant posters of bigbreasted women
hang proudly over a yellow wall
10-inch model sportscars
are carefully planted on a black wooden shelf
a large expensive stereo
with CD-changer and double-deck tape
is playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
There's a picture of a little dog
hanging next to an American flag
and on the desk in the corner
lie some recently bought heavy metal CD's
some pictures of a school trip two weeks ago
some precious old comic books
and a small Mickey Mouse shaped desk lamp
Next to the desk stands a backpack
filled with books of chemistry,
physics, geometry and algebra.
And on the bed placed in the middle
lies the half-naked body of a 16-year old boy
with a yawning black hole in the side of his head
covered with seemingly gallons of blood
Next to him lies a smoking pistol,
a torn picture of a 16-year old girl
and a small paper with some quickly written words:
All I need is love
dot dot
bloodstain
-----------------------------------------------------
EMPTINESS
A mellow heart
bound to be broken
a wave of good luck
meant to fade
a light in the distance
about to go out
true happiness, is it just an illusion
or is it a state of life
that isn't meant for me?
Two arms around my shoulders
keeping me warm
two lipe against mine
guiding me to paradise
that's what my dreams are made of
that's simply what I need
But in this world of hatred
of deception, lies and cruelty
there only rests a void
...
-----------------------------------------------------
THE END OF A SENSELESS CRUSH
I'm quietly losing my mind.
I'm losing all sense of perspective
But I can't remember why
That's something I seized to find.
It has something to do with a girl
Who once seemed to be really special
But now I don't know, who an I, who is she
That's something I seized to find.
I even don't know if I'm happy or sad
I don't know how to feel any more
Why did she once cause my biggest depression
That's something I seized to find.
And her image still floats through my head
With a mouth not knowing if it should smile or be hateful
What are her real feelings towards me
That's something I seized to find.
Do I like her, do I hate her?
Does she like me, does she hate me?
Confusion rises high in the sky.
Will I ever find the truth
Or will I always be in this darkness
Paranoidly praying for paradise.
That's something I need to find.
-----------------------------------------------------
LIFE WITHOUT A PURPOSE
Neverending dreams
of a definite impossibility,
haunted by the beauty
of a goddess far away
essence of my feelings
cruel contradictions
essence of my mind
a cradle of insanity
Neverending torture
is life without a purpose
An intensely sceaming void
a cry for help, a need for warmth
Hiding under a tiny rock
for speeding strikes of pain
Hiding for the answer
that kills what I believe in
As a lonely little mouse
bled dry by a vampire bat
moaning for attention
when he's lost all of his luck
hoping for a painless death
away from life without a purpose
-----------------------------------------------------
SAD
Haunted
By an image
Of neverending lonelyness
By the thought I’ll never
Hold anyone in my arms
I’ll never
Know the meaning of love
I never
Will be truely needed
Dreaming
About a life
Of neverending happiness
With the thought there’ll always
Be someone who really cares
There’ll always
Be someone to look after me
I always
Will be needed
Listening
To Radiohead’s « Creep »
Tiny sparcling drops
Filled with all the pureness
Still left in my brittle heart
Slowly travel down
My shivering unschaven cheek
To suddenly drop and fall apart
Like every dream I’ve ever had
Life can be so fun
-----------------------------------------------------
THE PICTURE ON MY WARDROBE'S DOOR
Probably the worst
picture ever made of her
is hanging on my wardrobe's door
right in front of me.
When I look into her eyes
I'm drowning in a field of quicksand
When I look at her doubtful smile
she lures me into madness.
The picture keeps on hanging
as my feelings keep doing too.
I simply cannot get her out of my mind
as the picture keeps on hanging.
Never will I forget
the girl in the picture on my wardrobe's door
There will always be the memory
of my shattered long lost dreams.
Never will I forget
that strange sweet girl
who set my heart on fire
and left it still burning.
When finally this year has ended
I may never see her in my life again
and then the only reminder
will be the picture on my wardrobe's door
-----------------------------------------------------
NEVER EVER AGAIN
Driven by a melow song
On a dark rainy highway
Just wanting to go home
Dreaming about the future
Thinking about the past
Where is the music taking me to
Is another depression near
Standing on my balkony
I recognize the thuth
The lyrics haunt my mind
Radiohead
God
Reality
I’m heading for another crash
Doing it again
But I won’t let it happen
Never ever again
