I tend to think of the sort of people you're talking about not as 'friends' but as 'people I happen to hang out with.' If they want to ignore you, leave them alone; if they get over it you can hang out again. They might give up if stuff like that doesn't seem to affect you (I believe I've been through at least one of these 'silence campaigns' without even noticing, then someone apologized to me and I was like: 'for what?')
But yeah, like Ivar, I never seek out friends and don't really understand why others do. I have maybe two or three proper friends (the best of which is in Japan right now
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You properly advise me to dump them, but there are reason why I shouldn’t . the main reason that these people are electoral, open-minded liberals who I share the same interests with. Also most of them are generally nice people who like me and accept me as a peer amongst them, unlike from other groups who didn’t accept me due to my Aspergers. But right now, they go out with each other, socialise and having a good time with each other, while I sit in my house with my family either watching TV, on the internet or reading comics and books. It’s either that some people in the group are stopping me from socialising with them or pressures from other groups of peers, mainly Chavs, pressuring them not to accept me, as they don’t like the idea of me having lots of friends. They still class me as a friend but they treat me less, they even try to avoid having conversations with me.
I meant to say 'intellectual'
I don't think I would class them as 'bullies', but I understand where you coming from Ethereal, Social Discrimination. And I repeat myslef one more time, the group don't want me to be associated with them either because of what other groups think or what some members think. But I'm starting to go with the idea of stop putting all my effort and hang about with other people.
But I worry the other group I would hang about would isolate me because of some pressure of some people?
Actually when I think of it that way, that is a form of bullying, I got to talk to my parents and teachers about that.
Some of them do accept me for who I am, it just that they rather hang around with other people, expecially those who don't like me. As I say, there are people manipulating everyone to treat me differently.
Joel I understand exactly what you mean - you have high standards for even attempting frienships - there aren't alot of people to choose from - out of the options, these are your best bet. They are like friends but they do harbor a not deep but a not well hidden bias about your diagnosis. You are stuck in the proverbial - between a rock and a hard place. I understand your willingness to let bygones be bygones - given the option of either alwasy thinking thw worst of others or of being home alone - I undersatnd your feeling of "wanting" to be with others - you are more possibly more social than some aspies - or more hopeful. My son is social like you. He has a similar situation, he is younger and I sure hope, as he does that when people get older they FOLLOW less the "crowd or the bullies" .
I don't know what you can do. I don't know whether you should give up. I will however make a suggestion: I think that you may want to try the tactic of Divide and conquer. Well in advacne, come up with a way to make "individual - one on one- plans with One person (not with a girl who has a boyfriend- that is not okay) Be specific, hey 4 days from now on FRiday, let's hang out at the _____. Do not ask them in the presence of the "rotten ones" that are trying to spoil it for you. It would be my hope that they get to know you more and then they might feel more like being inclusive with you even when the "rotten ones" are near in proximity...
Trying to help.
Lucie 1, I agree - I am a supposed NT - I don't enjoy nor have I subjected myslef to "group dynamics". Too much nonsense and posturing - I might end up losing all respect for people who are otherwise fine, as sort of friends/aquaintances/people to hang out with -(of course nowadays I don't have the time to even bother- but hey, during school/college...)...maybe I'll end up a good influence on them (it happens). I am up for the challenges of group dynamics, but choose to not "play" that way- like Lucie said, stick to smaller groups, make the group you and 1 or 2 select people. Maybe once they "know" you more they will find it harder to do the easy thing and go along with the others. Some people are not strong and independent people, but hey who am I to knock a person because they are not perfect,right?
OH NO, thta last post was me mom to/ honestjohn!
I suggest you don't worry too much about all these things and "use" your "friends" the same way they "use" you. "Use" them as study objects and try to figure out WHY they behave the way they behave.
Once you enter college, you can start with a clean slate. You no longer have a reputation that keeps you down and you can use the experience from your "study objects" to make real friends.
That's pretty much what I did.
There will always be people that reject you, and that is not something you can control. This is particularly true in school; if one or two people in a group does not like someone, they can influence the whole group.
If you want to make friends with more people IN GENERAL, then there are many basic techniques you can use (keep approaching people without fearing rejection, act interested in whatever they're interested in, continually talk when you're in group conversations, etc.). But you also have to accept the fact that some will reject you, and each person/group is just a new opportunity.
If you're desperate to be accepted by a certain group of people, they will probably sense that and be turned off by it. It's similar to when you find a girl you really like and you obsess over her; it will send her running in the other direction. But if people see that you're just talking to them/hanging out with them for fun (rather than because you "need" it), they'll be more likely to enjoy your company. This happened to me a couple years back - the minute I stopped trying to be accepted by EVERYONE was the minute I ended up with more friends than I could keep track of. (Granted, I don't have that luxury anymore, but that's off topic).
It sounds like your question here is a bit more specific though: you see this group as the one social opportunity in your school. Unfortunately, they may not want to do things with you, and this is their right. But if you stop *trying* to impress them, you should end up with at least one or two people to do things with. They don't even have to be people that go to your school. I also wouldn't recommend being overly upfront about the Asperger's. It certainly shouldn't have to be a secret, but if you announce it right away to everyone you meet, that will make it harder to connect with them.
I've spent the last couple years primarily focused on how an aspie can make friends and be social. So you can always message me if you want my input on anything else. Good luck!