Aspies For Freedom

Sounds familiar. While both my wife and myself are on the spectrum, I believe in the rule that you should keep an 'open house' (to some degree) but she doesn't. So the only persons who have stayed overnight at our place ever are my parents (hers live only 20 miles away) and my brother. Even friends of our children dropping in to play for an hour or so are an issue.
We deal with it like this: I play the host, my wife 'retires' to her room and stays there and as soon as 'our' guests are gone we have an argument. Every time (not when the guests are children, though).

I don't like people calling around unannounced; or coming home to find there’s been an invasion while I’ve been at work. A intrusion of any kind isn‘t nice…this includes the phone ringing unexpectedly.
I don’t usually feel comfortable in other people’s houses either.

When i was a teen, I loved the house being filled with my friends.  That changed before I was 30.  Dad moved back in and we had an unspoken agreement that home was our safe sanctuary zone. No guests. Not even relatives. I never answered the door if I wasn't expecting someone.

Dad became terminally ill when I was 45. This required a parade of health professionals to visit our house a few times a week.  Both the dog and I became totally unglued by this.  I put a sign on the door to "come in" the days the nurse (I hired) was scheduled so I could stay shut in my room while she was there. I can't cook so I hired a service to deliver daily meals for dad. I always left a sign for the delivery person to place the meal in my cooler on the porch. I waited until he drove away before opening the door to snatch the cooler inside and relock the door.  

I got in fights with the VA because they kept sending a confusing assortment of people to the house, telling me a caseworker needed to visit, and the nurse's boss and the chaplin and heaven knows what else. I demanded to know why each visit was necessary. They acted surprised that anyone would mind. They just said it was procedure. It felt like I was being attacked by chaos and everything was spinning out of control.  

It reminded me of the time I had to call the fire department for a small house fire. I was shocked to see strangers from the neighborhood wandering through and poking their nose into my bedrooms just because a firetruck was there.

The invasion of Dad's caretakers (they stayed strangers regardless of how many visits) was one of the top three hardest things to deal with surrounding my father's 2 year  illness and death. Even though I hired some of them out of necessity. It felt deeply violating and traumatic. The dog lost her mind and started biting people. I felt the same.

It was 5 years ago but my tummy aches just from remembering it.  You can take his anxieties seriously.

My sister had to leave my birthday present on the seat of my car this month because I won't answer the door or phone.  I feel guilty but... I am what I am.  It took another 2 days to steel myself to phone her and say thank you.

Monday an electrician is coming. *sigh* I can't feel settled while the scent of strangers lingers in the air after they leave.

Family: several weeks; friends of children: NO advance warning.

This pretty much describes my experience. I don't like having people round. I live with an elderly relative and other family members come round on Saturdays to see her so I either hide in my room or retreat to my bf's house although the latter can be quite stressful as I can't have any alone time.

On the few occasions I've had friends round I find it easier with aspie friends as they understand and don't do anything that makes me feel overly 'invaded' but I struggle a bit more with NTs I know as they don't seem to have any understanding of my anxiety.

My bf is particularly bad as he leaves litter all over the place and doesn't respect my things and is quite messy.

I also hate it when the doorbell rings. I don't answer it unless I am expecting someone and when I have my own flat (which will hopefully be soon) I will either get a door bell that flashes a light rather than makes a noise (as light changes are far less distressing for me than noise) or just put some wadding in the speaker so as to muffle the noise!

I also don't like it when people I don't know phone me or when people phone me at random times - and even a couple of people have phone my mobile who I know through work even though they had my work number and I'm pretty clear that I don't want work contacts calling my mobile!

Maybe some of you understand why my dad chose to retire to a 28' x 20' two story bungalow in a thinly settled (10% were year rounders) community straddling the Morgan-Berkeley County lines in WV, and even that wasn't good enough, Dad had one of those little sheds moved in from Lowes on a truck and put in (and added electricity).  He was not much for entertaining.

What Mom thought of that, when Dad died, Mom moved to the nearest settled area, Martinsburg, and ultimately followed me to Greenbelt, but did want to die there.

May i suggest you write a 'survival guide to family dinners'

Okay. I confess. I stole it.

Seriously, I am the worst. My best friend of 15 years has never been inside my house. If he drops by, I'll step outside and talk to him on the porch.

I'll meet friends for coffee or dinner or go for drives or movies or whatever. When old friends or former students drop by my office after work, I'll talk with them for hours. But as far as coming to my house? AAAAAUGH! I make outsideL00kinN's place look like Party Central.

Could you explain to him that you need warning that people are to come and that you feel uncomfortable about having guests?

I hope that works for her.  When i was married, it drove my husband nuts that if somebody knocked on the door, I wouldn't answer it unless I was expecting someone.  I told him my logic was that if I wasn't expecting anyone, then whatever was on the other side of the door couldn't be good so there was no sense in opening the door. But it was just like some people can't let a ringing phone go unanswered. He'd have to open the door even if he knew it was a stranger, simply because they knocked.

I do like guests but not always in my house sometimes it feels invasive but I prefer to met up people :3 That way it's a neutral atmosphere

Shouldn't you be more important to him than his friends? After all, he married you and not them.

At one point I actually hung a sign on the door saying "If you weren't invited, dont knock. This means YOU".  My ex's friends ignored it and stood there pounding away at the door anyway.  Finally he gave up an answered it.

There was about a year when I was a teen and left my door standing open all the time to invite friends. My house was the party spot where the other teens gathered.  I loved it.  I thougth I wanted to live in a commune.  Obviously that is no longer the case.

I'm going to make another sticker for my door to try to stop whoever is knocking a few evenings a week. It is very upsetting when they do.

I sort of like people coming over but prefer some warning so I can tidy up a bit as I'm embarrassed about how untidy the place is sometimes. Then again, if they are true friends, they wouldn't fret about the clutter. Now, if I could just convince myself of the same, it would be wonderful.