Aspies For Freedom

Hey, obviously I'm new here. I chanced upon this website a few minutes ago and it got me thinking about my brother.

He as of yet has not been diagnosed with anything, most likely because we never saw any real need for it, there's also the fact that when I (followed by my parents) began to notice certain things he'd got to a certain age where if he wanted to get any diagnosis he'd have to do it all himself.

I think my brother may be slightly Aspie and I thought I might ask you guy what you thought of the things he's been exhibiting.

He's always been good with numbers, when he was about 3 he could count up in the thousands, my mum always talks about when she went to see the district nurse for her to weigh me as a baby to make sure I was healthy and the nurse spent all her time amazed that my brother could count so high. When my mum went shopping in supermarkets with him when he was 5 she'd get him to work out the offers and remember the order numbers for items in the Argos catalogue.

His head is large, not noticably large but it's large enough that when he got a job at a Supermarket he couldn't fit his head in any of the hats provided for the fish counter - not even the extra large ones.

From what I've heard his temperature is one to two degrees higher than normal and he gets pressure headaches - ALOT. As well as Insomnia since probably half way through his teen years.

During his teen years he got bullied quite a lot, probably because he's very intelligent but seems to lack people skills, he ended up getting a bit violent - mainly at me. Nothing that really hurt me because he's generally pacifistic but he used to scare me a lot - considering he's a lot bigger than me.

Our school ended up trying to get my parents to send him to anger management at one point but they decided not to. He became sarcastic, cynical and at some stages depressed; though he never admitted to depression until later.

It took going to University to bring out some of his other attributes, in his second year he had a relationship with a Bipolar, OCD girl with an eatin disorder that was very bizarre and never made life easy for him. My brother is a very giving kind of guy, he cares a lot about people and would probably go to the ends of the earth for some but he isn't very good at reading them at all - he can't seem to empathise and sympathise as well as others can. She was obviously trying to get him to leave her alone at some point but he kept desperately trying to get her to engage with him until finally she snapped.

Thankfully they're over now. But during his second year he ended up taking a week or two off for depression. On our family holiday it got worse, he bought himself a book that he wrote his feelings down in; I'm guessing in the way of lyrics because he's pretty good at guitar; but some how he seemed to have issues with my mum. She admittedly can make childish remarks and be very very snappy, she takes everythin incredibly personally thanks to a screwed up childhood where she only got told the bad things she did and none of the good.

About five times on our holiday he snapped at her, he got really angry with her and started shouting at her. We went to a museum (I'm keeping this a bit vague incase he's reading, I know he's begining to look into Autism) and there was this piece of art that was like a heart and it moved mechanically he seemed very interested in it and my mum said as a joke "It's not really pumping". It set him off, he started telling her how he wasn't stupid and how she belittled him and things seemed to spiral.

They've always argued, it's always been those two against eachother and me and my dad picking up the pieces.

He seems to have been able to face his outbursts, I bet he still has them but he gives off warnings now that we made it obvious they were an issue. But recently he's been going on about us leaving him out; obviously he's a university now so we keep in contact once a week but some things just slip our mind. We recently got some kittens, originally we were getting one because since we were young him and I have had these kittens and sadly mine died. He still has his cat, so my parents let me get a kitten which ended up becoming kittens because there was one no one wanted and my mum fell in love with it. My brother feels he was left out of the decision, along with this my parents want to get a cleaner which both I and him don't really like the idea of, I bargained it so that she wouldn't be here during my day off but my brother feels the decisions are being made without us consulting him and he claims there's a pattern forming.

I don't know, after our holiday fiasco my parents both think that my brother may have something, for a while I thought it might've been bipolar but reading into Autism and Asperger's I realise that it could possibly be linked into something like that.

I'm sorry this is so long but I thought I'd try and put as much detail in as possible.

Thanks so much,

Bay Leaf.

I recognise much of your brother in myself, though my abilities were more language than mathematics orientated.

"My brother is a very giving kind of guy, he cares a lot about people and would probably go to the ends of the earth for some but he isn't very good at reading them at all - he can't seem to empathise and sympathise as well as others can."

This line especially.

I am not diagnosed.

That is good. What I mean to say, however, is that he may or may not be an Aspie. I do not know if I am. There seem to be subtle but significant differences between myself and others here. Your post appeared to illustrate something: that your brother, though socially inept perhaps, is still socially able. He can still socialise. Many people that are on the AS cannot. I am similar to your brother in the sense that I am able to socialise, just particularly bad at reading signals and people. I even enjoy socialising with particular people.

When I first meet people they are as closed books. I cannot understand their manners, ways or detect subtle intonations. Once I get to know them the book opens up. I know that's a saccharine analogy, but I feel it's appropriate.

I can, however, learn to read a particular person if I have known them for a time. Sometimes I click with people, for whatever reason. I am curious to know as to whether your brother and I are 'aspie' or simply people that share many traits with those on the AS. I would like someone else to interject here if possible!

"I don't think my brother has quite learnt how to do that yet, he seems to be able to attract people through sarcasm and the cynical side of his sense of humour; which can be quite dark...I think he also makes friends because he's a nice guy that likes to do things for people, which leaves him to be abused ALOT."

I am the same. I was always relatively popular, but almost as a specimen or a comic rather than a person. I had a number of close friends that I met in halls and they stuck with me.

Actually has AS? Well, I may do...may not. We need someone else to provide some input though.

I am sure that people will respond, give it some time.  I have learned that we are all in different time zones and you will get responses from people at all hours!

I am still new here too, so I am not confident enough to say much.  I am married to a newly diagnosed Aspie.

Hi, I looked into this thread beacuse I have an aspie son John and he has a brother too.  John,my oldest,  is an Aspie.  My younger son Liam is not.  However, he "knew" how to read before pre-school, we noticed when he was not quite 4 (kindergarten is age 5 in the US) and most kids seem to learn at 5/6.  Liam is also a bit shy but if someone, anyone needs anything, he will aslo go to the ends of the earth for them.  I write this beacuse, Liam, is definitely not in the spectrum, he is just super smart - he is in 4th grade now and has yet to come across any wor dhtat he cannot spell.. He reads, easily over a thousand pages a week, but has in fact read a thousand pages in a day.  He does not have any social troubles, other than him not looking out for rotten-ness in people - he doesn't see trouble coming.  So what I am saying is, just beacuse someone is extra smart with numbers (my aspie son is horrible at them) doesn't mean he "has aspergers".  Hopefull, he is not developing a mood disorder, (starting university can be trying and stressful) as far as outbursts with your mom, he may be just cutting the "proverbial" apron strings...

Probably... i'd say yes.  Yes actually, and quite like to meet him.

cyclothymia - there can be familial connection between the diagnoses - ASD and bipolar type illness.

sounds like a good guy....

as to the Aspergers? sounds...highly probable. he seems to have displayed many of the traits, from what you have said, and I can see a lot of what you said, in myself.

Yeah sounds like me too.

yes, tell him and give him proof. ie: show him this page.
he is smart and likes to work things out for himself... so then show him this page.

He sounds to be plausibly Aspergian.

As for me, I enjoy socializing, as long as I have enough energy and it's not an especially loud or bright environment. I have great concern for other people, but a lot of times don't read their body language that says their in distress, so people think I'm not caring but really I just don't see that theyr'e in distress. Once they tell me, or start crying or something overt like that, then I'll know and express my concern.

Speech can be hard, too, and many things I say I have to figure it out in my head first, which takes a time delay, then I have to mutter it under my breath first. Sometimes, if my mom asks me a question (particularly a how or why or what question), then I take some time to first process what's been said, then to process my response. A lot of times, when people see me taking a while to respond, repeat the question, often with impatient tone. This only makes me take slower, though, because not only is the upset/impatient tone distressing, but it forces me to process yet more speech, which increases the delay, which often in turn makes other people more upset at me. It can be a vicious cycle, so it's important to see if that's happening, because when this happens, and I can't keep up with processing what's been said and what I'm about to say, then I can't say anything, and often respond by shouting or flailing my arms or physically pushing people away from me or self-injuring.

I think it's a good idea to discuss it with him. Once a person starts thinking about being autistic, then they can begin to realize what are the reasons that they've had difficulty in social interactions and such things, and start to develop autistic-friendly strategies (such as making a hand signal to indicate that you're processing someone's words). I think the most important thing is to remind the person that it doesn't mean they're sick or broken if they're on the spectrum. It just means that some things don't come as easily to you, and that you'll have to develop different kinds of strategies for relating to other people.

I find that more often than not, if someone is misinterpreting me to be not listening, or rude or something, I explain, "I'm autistic, so I don't give or interpret body language in the same ways as most people". Especially for eye contact: "Eye contact makes it hard for me to process speech. I can either look at you or listen to you, but not both at the same time."

Interesting... must be rather annoying though.

Bay leaf, I think that you should follow your instinct.  Sometimes. like you said, it would be better to have him identify himself - not put in a box..

I second that it would be better for your brother to identify himself. If I'm reading his personality correctly, he might not believe he has Asperger's or autism unless he finds it out. It's a shame that your brother hasn't gotten diagnosed yet; life probably would have been easier for him. I know it can be frustrating when you know you're "different" from other people, but you don't know how you're different, or what to do about it.

On a side note, about those fights your brother and your mom can get into: if they get really bad again, just call the police. A little talking to from a nice police officer might set them straight for a bit.