04-12-2005, 02:54 AM
I took a trip into Digby last summer... it had a lot of seafood restaurants.
If you went to Port Royal, you might've seen me.
If you went to Port Royal, you might've seen me.
04-12-2005, 04:46 PM
Trust me - it will feel fake and just a bit annoying at first; just keep at it. After a while, it becomes second nature. Also, small talk is important to remember in the first stages of a friendship.
Basically, friendships are developed on the following model (my therapist used the "3/5" rule): basically, an accquaintance is met at a common social function (this could be a club, or society, or a party if it isn't too noisy). An exchange of dialogue is made. Usually, it'll be regular "small talk" subjects, like weather, perhaps what their job is, or if they go to school, or why they joined the club. It is important to remember to ask more questions than answering them. People are flattered when you ask them questions. If somebody asks you a question, try to resist the urge to explain your position in full (perseverate); most people will get bored if you do this at a first encounter.
The rule of thumb is that after 3 of these encounters, each lasting about 5 minutes, it is appropriate to engage that person in what is considered "friendly" dialogue (hence the "3/5" rule). This could be asking to "hang out" with them, or go out for coffee, perhaps asking them a more personal question (like about their family, whether they are in a relationship, etc.). At this point, you can also bring up some of your own interests, provided you aren't doing all the talking. A good way of establishing a further connection might be to watch a movie about which you have a common interest, then discuss the movie afterwards. This will allow you to engage in a more intellectually stimulating exchange (without as much small-talk), and also give you a chance to show off your brain-power.
I learned this model with reference to talking to the opposite sex, or for potential partners; but I'm pretty sure that the "3/5" rule works for platonic potential friends of either sex.
Basically, friendships are developed on the following model (my therapist used the "3/5" rule): basically, an accquaintance is met at a common social function (this could be a club, or society, or a party if it isn't too noisy). An exchange of dialogue is made. Usually, it'll be regular "small talk" subjects, like weather, perhaps what their job is, or if they go to school, or why they joined the club. It is important to remember to ask more questions than answering them. People are flattered when you ask them questions. If somebody asks you a question, try to resist the urge to explain your position in full (perseverate); most people will get bored if you do this at a first encounter.
The rule of thumb is that after 3 of these encounters, each lasting about 5 minutes, it is appropriate to engage that person in what is considered "friendly" dialogue (hence the "3/5" rule). This could be asking to "hang out" with them, or go out for coffee, perhaps asking them a more personal question (like about their family, whether they are in a relationship, etc.). At this point, you can also bring up some of your own interests, provided you aren't doing all the talking. A good way of establishing a further connection might be to watch a movie about which you have a common interest, then discuss the movie afterwards. This will allow you to engage in a more intellectually stimulating exchange (without as much small-talk), and also give you a chance to show off your brain-power.
I learned this model with reference to talking to the opposite sex, or for potential partners; but I'm pretty sure that the "3/5" rule works for platonic potential friends of either sex.
04-19-2005, 08:38 PM
Most people consider a "party" to be any gathering of 4 or more people. How do you get yourself invited to a party? I don't know; I didn't start going to parties until my last year of High School, and that was because the graduation parties were all highly publicized; pretty much everybody had an open invitation.
I also used to have "nerd parties" with a few friends, where we'd play video games, or board games, or perhaps just talk about nerdy subjects. I suppose I was lucky in finding those people.
So I wouldn't worry too much about not getting invited to a party just yet.
I also used to have "nerd parties" with a few friends, where we'd play video games, or board games, or perhaps just talk about nerdy subjects. I suppose I was lucky in finding those people.
So I wouldn't worry too much about not getting invited to a party just yet.
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