It wouldn't be my fault, genetics happens, but yeah, I could have prevented it by not having kids. I don't have kids and I know how to find a urologist (the guy you need to perform the procedure).
Do you have a woman in your life? What does she think about getting snipped?
I say this because some guy I know got snipped shortly after they got married. She went along (age 23 when she married him) but now she wishes they had a kid (age 35, the mid-life crisis because she never had a mid-wife crisis). I don't suppose he froze some milk did he?
Most women have a crazy idea about marrying so they can have kids- they want to ruin a perfectly good cozy relationship. So maybe getting the snip might hurt your marriage chances? (You could always marry menopausal, it's not like they can anyway, and when you get to be my age- 37, it fits your age anyway)-- eventually, the women that are two or three years younger than us are going to be menopausal so why fight it?
You can raise Aspies into balanced adults-- it just takes an awful lot of mom's energy (dad by no accident tends to work late), a bunch of specialists, and a little luck to get hired. Exactly how many Aspie kids can you raise before you go nuts, I wonder of my mom?
I know I am Aspie. I am successful. I even have friends around the neighborhood, the flat, the church. My brother does not, but he does earn more than I do.
well......
it really depends on how you look at it ... I am probably a mix of nt and aspie sort of verging on the nt side mostly but my son is an aspie/autistic straight up ... I have read other posts on here where aspies are saying look there is nowt wrong with US we are simply wired in a different way and actually who is to say what is the right way anyway?!
I dont regret my son being as he is ... if he has issues they are usually caused by the rest of the world being uninviting and unaccomodating rather than the other way around.. ie the problem isnt within him it IS within other people who cant/wont see him as being equally valid!
Saying that I have been a little worried to have more children as 90% of the males in our family have a tendency towards Autism and Aspergers and know the chances are really HIGH for me if I have another boy ... but ... my son is a loving and very loved child and I would love and support any other child or person regardless of how they are wired ... in fact I think my son is one of the most sensitive and together children I have met.. if he doesnt conform to what society wants him to ie he wont fit his given box so be it! this is a time where the world is screaming out for creativity and different ways of looking at things and I know with the diversity of people in society that things can move forward.
Im also a bit into spirtuality and one of my friends sent me this:
http://www.thecrystalchildren.com/crystal.html
I wonder what your views are on this, and please dont be too rude to me about my beliefs Im allowed to have beliefs and my own things that help me to cope in life!
Please allow diversity!
B"H
Pezar,
I do not know you. I can only encourage you to not make this decision to disable yourself. What you are proposing is irreversible.
Why is it so terrible to have children who are not "NT"? I am proposing this as a question. Why should all children fit some kind of "norm"? Why is this so important?
Why not think about the action for a while, from all standpoints? Give yourself a massive cooling off period. Then...don't do it.
All the best.
But what's so great about getting "better grades"? Good grades don't always lead to success in later life. >
<Personally, I think the true measure of success is doing something in life that you truly enjoy, whether or not it is high prestige and highly paid or the opposite.
I totally agree, happiness isn't dependent upon qualifications, a great job or loads of money. It comes from the inner contentment of taking pleasure in the things a person enjoys, ie. my older son's hobbies, seeing beauty all around him & recognition, or my youngest son's enjoyment of caterpillars or lizards etc. ( oh I remember so well the time he took a lizard to bed with him to look after it.) 
I don't know if I am an aspie parent - (like by that do you mean I am an aspie- I do have some quirks I suppose- see all my tangents...) but my oldest son is an aspie. We have 3 beautiful kids. God meant that they be here or they wouldn't be here. Our lives are so enriched by al lof them. Our oldest seems to take the most energy - who am I kidding - by a mile, but he is tremendously special. He marches to his own beat - and it's a great beat if you take the time to listen. Those that encounter him - one on one, tend to remember their conract with him, he makes the world a better place. An elderly teachers aide who met him only in 2nd grade - he is in 5th now- just saw our family out at a restaurant - she oozed over him. She later mailed to us a picture he drew for her (very detailed, 3 dimensional of course) that she had saved all these years. She hopes to have correspondence with him - actually she asked if he could visit her as well, and wants to discuss some of the drawings he gave her. ANyway, John is who he is, and he came out of me. I wouldn't change a single hair on his head - though I do make sure his hair is properly cut and washed - (how he can't stand getting his hair wet !) so the hair is trained in such a way that he looks handsome- even when he flattens it on his forehead... or head bangs himself to sleep. :O) Whatever life throws your way can be handled if you just keep on keepin on.
How lovely... I can identify with all of this post, in particular the parts I have made bold.
Oh please don't make a decision like that based on feeling like you do.
When I was in my early 20's I soooooooo did not want to have any children, I did not want to ruin another human beings life. I didn't want them to be as miserable as I was or to go through a childhood like I did. I was terrified of babies and when ppl asked me if I wanted to hold them I would back away as though they were deadly poison! When I had an unplanned pregnancy in traumatic circumstances I was so devastated I really thought my life could not go on, but as it turns out this gig is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact my beautiful aspie son saved me in some ways. It made me really pull myself together and become a fighter and be strong and realise what was important. I have never had so much confidence in myself. I can even say that I think I am a pretty good mother.
I NEVER EVER regret having either of my children, as much as this is not the life I had planned for myself. I am glad I didn't get what I thought I wanted. I am a total 180 degree convert, children are the best blessing ever! And though sometimes I feel for him when things are tough I never pity my aspie son. He is not particularly worse off as I see it. We all have our own unique challenges. I do believe he has as much chance of having a succesful life as anyone else. Some people have to work harder at some things, aspie or otherwise. Now that we can identify differences and sensitivities I think aspie children are doing much better in schools etc. He has gifts which others do not have and I know ppl admire him as I do.
So I guess a 23 year old newlywed might not mind if her husband gets the snip..... I mean, pregnancy is a lot to carry around with you (when one pregnant wife was asked by a friend how she felt she replied, "swell") and labor is a killer and you don't get much sleep for a few years,
but turn around 12 years and she is wishing he didn't.
So here I am taking notes from all this.
1. She probably wants kids, I probably don't, but she probably wants/needs my help
2. Consider snip.
3. Cross out.
4. Wife could have mid-life crisis for lack of mid-wife crisis.
Actually GuessWho not all women want children. I love children but I've never wanted any. My AS husband doesn't either so we are very happy with that decision, but I am amazed how many people think that I am being 'cruel' to him by not having a family. He is a bit younger than me - he was 37 when we married - and people kept on and on about it. People are constantly asking me if I regret my decision (I don't) but I decided when I was very young and have never asked anyone else's opinion, it was my own very personal decision. I would however be shocked that anyone could possibly regret having their children. Even though I have never had children in some bizarre way I know that if one had come along (after all accidents do happen) I would have kept it, loved it and never regretted it.
B"H
Pezar,
I do not know you. I can only encourage you to not make this decision to disable yourself. What you are proposing is irreversible.
Why is it so terrible to have children who are not "NT"? I am proposing this as a question. Why should all children fit some kind of "norm"? Why is this so important?
Why not think about the action for a while, from all standpoints? Give yourself a massive cooling off period. Then...don't do it.
All the best.
I am not "disabling myself", it's not like the organ won't be there or that I won't be able to have sex, I just don't want kids. As for a "rash decision", I've been considering this for 15 years, and waited because my mother thought I might change my mind. I didn't. I currently don't have anybody in my life, but there's a class of women who actually LIKE "disabled" guys, since there's no risk of pregnancy. (Most women seem to view bearing children as a weapon to bludgeon guys with-"accidentally" get pregnant then take 70% of his pay for 18 years. That's the WRONG reason to have kids. Part of my reason is to protect myself from such women-they're not always evident.)
Why should kids be normal? Well, because being normal makes life a LOT easier. We can bloviate all we want about our "specialness" and those of our kids (for those who have them), but the fact is that they will have a very tough life. Unconditional love can take away a little pain, but not all of it. That doesn't mean we need to "cure" or institutionalize those already born, or even abort ASD fetuses (I know there are Christians here who consider abortion to be murder), but I do support sterilization of ASD people. It should be voluntary, of course, but it should be an option to be considered.
ATM: Pezar, I'm not the boss of you. However, what you are planning on doing is irreversible. And, it is clear that you probably do not really want to do it, or you would not have waited 15 years and posted something on line (knowing that this would be the outcome).
Why is it so important? Why is it so terrible to have children who are different? Are you that severely disabled? These are not questions that I wish to discuss with you, since I do not know you. These are questions that you should ask yourself, honestly.
And, yes, avoid unrighteous women. I will agree with you on this one.
All the best.
One thing about having Aspie kids...... it will cost you to give you what the child needs.
Some parents can't handle that. It doesn't fit their plan, especially if they are Aspies and are comfortable in their own plans.
http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthre...#pid193040
My dad wanted my brother and I to commute to college. Save money. Not enough was budgeted to have two kids in college on campus.
Mom saw fit to have me on campus (and when my brother went to Virginia Tech he was on campus too).
Dad complained up a storm, ruined his budget projections, but Mom prevailed.
My brother got to hear about that for two years, got the Air Force ROTC scholarship in electrical engineering simply to shut up Dad, but he wasn't going to put up with the in-your-face 24/7 nature of being a cadet at Virginia Tech, no sir.
He quit the ROTC program. He was unnerved enough by that, and knowing he wasn't going to have any more semesters there without loans, quit.
What did happen
Dad was wrong about the most basic assumption: their life expectancy. Both of them died at the same age, 66, to the same basic category of illness, cancer.
It is all well and good to plan, but you don't know if you will live too long, or too short.
And if you have Asperger children, they need to learn to live with NTs, even if it is very emotionally painful. I found college very painful but I did finish it academically and in one piece emotionally. I even found emotional peace when I became a Christian.
But what's so great about getting "better grades"? Good grades don't always lead to success in later life. It's not very nice to call your child lazy and an "underachiever" when it's possible they are just bored and/or fearful of being ostracised for being a "brain".
Networking, interpersonal skills and just plain old hard work ...
Sorry I jump back to that point in the discussion: I'm worried because I get the impression that his getting "average" grades does indeed cost him more effort than getting better grades would have cost him. His effort seems to be wasted by adapting to the level of the others.
I used "underachiever" as a technical term to describe the gap between the potential and the actual results. Yes, he's bored. I know that. Why can't he pay attention even when he's bored? Is he distracted because he's NT?
Or do we have to look for a different school ...
I've hesitated to respond to this thread since I am not diagnosed; however, I was a determined and intentional underachiever for about 3 years. Here is why -- I mistakenly assumed that the reason I was not well liked was because I was what the other kids called a "brainchild" (and I quickly learned not to correct this usage). So when dad relocated I decided that I would get nothing but Cs and Ds so the other kids would like me. It doesn't work, but I spent a few years trying. It is hard work, actually.
Oh, post subject, if my input is relevant, is that I do not regret having my children. It is a different life, but it is not an inferior one.
My brother said Dad sounded just like Rush 21-12 "Discovery"---
Who cares about your silly whim? It doesn't fit the plan.
No, Pakrat, my brother did not go to college, well, much, really.
After a few days at Virginia Tech..... and a few months home, I told this story on AFF before, my brother was a computer programmer. He was a electronics wizard first (hope the lead solder didn't go to his brain), but..... first he learned BASIC, then Pascal, Assembly, C.... then I lost count and Dad retired and we moved to WV. My brother outgrew the PCjr we bought so he saved his dishwashing and busboy money and bought a PC AT.... took chemistry in high school from a Mrs. Gupta, she remembered him because he was one of the few who respected her (teacher from India in WV high school, you can ask out loud about Deer Hunting with Jesus and ethnic tolerance in the general vicinity of Winchester-Martinsburg-Hedgesville, but we Marshes didn't ask any questions about ethnicity, just respected teachers' authority). Remember that after my brother leaves Virginia Tech....
OK, brother gets scholarship, high school honors, goes to technical college but leaves because he never wanted four years of military browbeating. Back home, on a whim, sends application form to The Library Corporation in Inwood, hearing that they do some kind of stuff with computers. Who's reading his application? Mrs. Gupta's son.
Who gives him a hell of an unsolicited informal reference??? Mrs. Gupta.
My brother lives and works there (TLC, in Inwood WV) until unfortunate interactions with the neighbors (which probably involve being a loner, and not much of a womanizer that they can see, and some kind of character assassination with the kids within earshot) encourage him to head for Arlington County, pronto. I DEFINITELY HAVE TO READ Deer Hunting with Jesus, Inwood WV is only 16 miles from Winchester VA on which Deer Hunting is based.
If the neighbors suggested that their kids were not safe in the company of a gentleman circa 1800, that gentleman might fetch his dueling pistols and invite the neighbor to a duel.
there was a semester at Shepherd College, as a commuter.
Southern Berkeley County, WV, lost one hell of a productive citizen in 1998.
TLC wanted my brother to stay, but the only thing TLC could have done, my brother said, was relocate itself to Arlington.
When I was trying to make a decision about having children, I approached it like I do other decisions. Read articles, dug up statistics, made a spreadsheet, read books, attended workshops on the Baby Decision, interviewed friends.
It sounds like you are in the research stage. Perhaps one of these books might be helpful to you.
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/B-BABY.html