I have been raising my five kids for more than half my life. Our eldest is nearly twenty-seven, the youngest two only fifteen so I have quite a few more years yet.
Do I regret it? Certainly not!
And as for the ones "on the spectrum" - I reckon that they probably had at least as good a chance to be successful in life as NTs raised by NTs, NTs raised by NDs and NDs raised by NTs.
If it had been decided, centuries ago, that Aspies could not raise children, many generations of my family would have been condemned to oblivion!
That is one of the main thrusts of this site - to advocate that we are just a variation of normal, that the hysteria surrounding the diagnosis is a modern phenomenon, and we have just as much right to respect as anyone else.
If you, however, feel personally unable to cope with parenthood, that is an entirely different matter.
Funnily enough, people actually couldn't cope with child rearing if it were thrown at us all at once, which is the way we tend to imagine it; fortunately, we only get it like everything else: one second at a time!
Exactly! and I wish more people would get this point - you dont have to do 18 years or so of childrearing in one minute but so many people think that way!
I'd regret not having any children and perhaps it's just as well I wasn't officially diagnosed at a younger age as there would have been so much pressure not to reproduce.
I don't regret having children, especially not our autie son. I've got a bit of a bad conscience regarding our NT son because I've got the impression that I should have put more pressure on him when it comes to performance at school. He sort of indicated that we failed teaching him how to learn and how to be ambitious 8|.
I don't regret having children, especially not our autie son. I've got a bit of a bad conscience regarding our NT son because I've got the impression that I should have put more pressure on him when it comes to performance at school. He sort of indicated that we failed teaching him how to learn and how to be ambitious 8|.
But what is so wonderful about being ambitious anyway? I also think it is a personal trait and some people have it and some don't.
Why is it so terrible to have children who are not "NT"? I am proposing this as a question. Why should all children fit some kind of "norm"? Why is this so important?
All the best.
The reason is because it is really hard to watch your child struggle, suffer rejection, wonder why no one likes them and feel like a misfit.
The reason why there is a feeling of wanting to fit some kind of norm is because society is set up to cater for those who fit the norm.
People who fit in without a struggle are too often ignorant and intolerant of people who are different.
But what is so wonderful about being ambitious anyway? I also think it is a personal trait and some people have it and some don't.
I thought it could have helped him get better grades at school. He's got the brains, but he's soooo lazy ("underachiever"). He doesn't want to "stand out" by having better grades than the other pupils. 
I only read half the post before.
Pezar - don't do it - understanding is half the battle won.
You can make such a difference to problems if you understand them. Children bring much joy - don't make a decision now that would permanantly deny yourself or your
potential future wife this joy.
Once there is understanding of a problem - i.e. as you see it 'aspergers' - the trick lies in moulding your life to deal with the differences. don't try to fit in to the world - rather mould your world to fit you.
I doubt child support would be 70% of a person's pay for one child. Maybe 20%. Only a few women would get pregnant simply in order to "sting" the father for child support for 18 years.
But what's so great about getting "better grades"? Good grades don't always lead to success in later life. It's not very nice to call your child lazy and an "underachiever" when it's possible they are just bored and/or fearful of being ostracised for being a "brain".
Networking, interpersonal skills and just plain old hard work ...
Sorry I jump back to that point in the discussion: I'm worried because I get the impression that his getting "average" grades does indeed cost him more effort than getting better grades would have cost him. His effort seems to be wasted by adapting to the level of the others.
I used "underachiever" as a technical term to describe the gap between the potential and the actual results. Yes, he's bored. I know that. Why can't he pay attention even when he's bored? Is he distracted because he's NT?
Or do we have to look for a different school ...
Perhaps talking to his teacher about giving him some more challenging work would be helpful. It's incredibly hard to concentrate when you're very bored. Perhaps he could be given extra work when he has finished his usual work. He shouldn't have to be held back if the other kids are slower.
But there are plenty of ways to economise if you put your mind to it. Kids don't have to go to college. A trade school might suit some aspies better. Deferring studies for a year or so if it's possible to get a job is another option. Kids don't need all the expensive gadgets, designer clothes and so on, to thrive.
It's time to get off the merry go round of excessive consumerism.
... I'm so afraid that I wouldn't be a good parent and/or that I'd have ASD kids that I'm getting myself "snipped" (vasectomy) soon at Planned Parenthood. I can barely take care of myself, I could never take care of kids. ...
ASD is classified as "developmental disorder" so you can expect to be able to cope somewhat better when you're older. I wouldn't do something irreversible. If you like to read, have a look at here; there are some Aspie mothers writing about their "special" experiences.
One of the reasons that made me join this site in the first place is wondering whether I should have children. If I knew my children would have life as easy as I have had it, then I wouldn't hesitate, but I read that each generation with AS it tends to get more severe, ...
As far as I know, there are three different genes that contribute to autism. Your child can inherit none, one two or three of them if you have them. So there's no telling that AS 'tends to get more severe'.
I'm not a parent (by choice). I'm just tossing in a comment about people begatting in general.
Ann Landers (local newspaper column) once asked her readers, “If you had to do it over again, would you have children?” According her column, 70% said no, they wouldn’t have children. (10,000 parents participated.) However, the Ann Landers survey is not scientifically valid due to bias and other significant issues which rendered the results invalid.
According to a Gallup poll, 10% of parents regretted having children. Some surveys have found an even lower number.
Your chances of regretting having kids at some point (even briefly) is probably 100%. The question is, "What are the chances you will get over it eventually (like most people do)".
A severe case - might just mean your kid has savant qualities - this to me, doesn't have to mean severe equals bad. A savant (artist/mathmetician/inverntor) is focused on one thing, and is very good at it, and loves to do it. I think that even if to you or an outsider that doesn't look fulfilling that doesn't mean he/she isn't very happy, to not care or have to deal with social things or things of this world. It takes all kinds to make the world go around. Also, what is it that all people supposedly want.. they go thru many years of school, to do what, to find the one thing that they are good at and that they enjoy, forget all the rest. Imagine being born knowing...
True, but it depends what goes along with it. In order to give something back to the world they have to at least be able to communicate their ideas to the outside world, and be able to find a comfortable place within it.
True, but it depends what goes along with it. In order to give something back to the world they have to at least be able to communicate their ideas to the outside world, and be able to find a comfortable place within it.
I think you have sort of answered your own question Louise18. If you do not want to take the chance on your own genes, try someone else's (adoption, egg donation, etc.)
I am taking the same chance with their genes. At least with my genes I know that my family tend to have long life spans and are generally healthy. The only things that run in the family are depression and potentially AS. With someone else's its a whole different gamble.
Adoption is certainly an option, but it depends how strong the biological urge is to have my own as I get older and how much I am prepared to go through to make sure I can do that safely.
I would like to know firstly whether I actually have AS-which is still something I am unsure about as I dont know if I agree with the diagnosis and secondly whether that would be passed on genetically.