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ed]  I got this from an email from the ASAN and thought it was an interesting article





Breaking All the Rules: A Look at the Calgary Asperger's Syndrome / Autism Spectrum Disorder Meetup Group


By: DJ Skibington-Roffel



  


  

Almost everyone knows the tell-tale social signs of autism, which include: inability to maintain eye contact, inability to relate to others, inability to start/maintain a conversation, ritualistic behaviour (the need for strict routines), inability to understand humour and the inability to remain in a social situation for very long.  What happens to those signs when people on the autism spectrum get into an environment that they feel comfortable, loved and accepted in? What happens when they get together with like-minded people?



In 2003, I became the Organizer for the Calgary Asperger's Syndrome /Autism Spectrum Disorder Meetup through meetup.com, an online organization that facilitates the planning of groups of local people who meet about a certain common interest.  The description of the Meetup group says: "This group is for all folks on the Autism Spectrum, their families and friends. It is a positive place to share ideas and support about our differences, gifts and challenges."



At first, there were about 6 people who regularly attended.  We just sat around a small coffee shop and talked about how things were going in our lives and what was new.  A much-needed change in location in 2006 drew more people and our group grew considerably.  Parents were coming to the monthly Meetup and bringing their adult children with them.  Autism societies and mental health associations began to refer people and a few found us on the meetup.com website.  Some professionals even stopped by to see what we were all about.  



One of the most notable effects of the Meetup has been a reduction in some of the tell-tale signs commonly seen in individuals on the autism spectrum, particularly with eye contact, sticking to strict routines, lack of a sense of humour and initiating/maintaining conversations...if only for two hours on the third Monday of every month!  The room used right now has one group of movable tables on one side and a group of booths on the other.  If one were to come into the room during a Meetup, one might be hard-pressed to determine who in the group are on the autism spectrum: the group of people chatting and telling jokes at the tables, or the group of people talking quietly amongst themselves at the booths.



Janna Hoskin, an autism interventionist and friend of autistic people in Calgary says: "I think the amount of eye contact that is made, the amount of "social chit-chat" that is achieved without prompting from others, and the lack of structure are all things that would surprise any professional who came by."  Jim Pearson, an Aspie and one of our original members, says that "with other Aspies... we are like everyone else. We can talk, have animated discussions, make jokes, laugh and so on. However, get us out of our environment, we regress almost instantly."  Lydia, mother of one of our younger members, also noted "how sociable people seem to be."



One night, a parent were asked me what happens at the Meetups.  I mentioned that we do not have any sort of structure, that the conversations are fairly lively and to just jump in and ask questions if needed. He was surprised when I said that no one seems to really want any rigid structure in the Meetups.  They just wanted to take things as they happen. He shook his head and smiled in disbelief because he had always heard that autistics need and adhere to rigid structures or they get agitated.



"We seem to break all of the stereotypical rules here." I said as before he sat down to chat with some other parents.



What is it about the group that makes people more sociable? What sets this group apart from others? Is it just a matter of getting people of like-mind together or is there more to it?



The following three factors seem to contribute to the Meetup group's success:



Acceptance - Every person who walks into the meeting is welcomed, introduced to and immediately accepted by everyone.  It just happens. No one ever comments on stims or personal interests and it is not a treatment or a therapy group. Jim Pearson says that coming to the Meetup is "like going to a Star Trek convention, except here everyone accepts you for who you are... and you are not treated like an outsider, weirdo, and so on like I have been with most other groups."



Self-ConfidenceBuilding - Almost every member on the autism spectrum has mentioned that they have often felt very alone and out of place in the world, given the experiences they have had throughout their lives. Some were bullied in school and some have just gone through life wondering why they never really fit in while others have gone through life with the message that autism is "wrong", thanks to the media and such. Some have found ways to turn a profit using their special interests while others are beginning to feel good about who they are and are glad to be accepted for who they are. Lydia says that her son Terry "does not feel alone with his Asperger's anymore, and seems to have accepted it, and feel proud of it, since attending the Meetups."



Connection/Communication - In life, everyone is searching for some sort of connection, whether it is with services, jobs, friends to hang out with or even that special someone.  Many who have come to the Meetup have found at least one connection they were looking for...and even some that they were not.  A worker from a program which helps young adults with developmental disabilities find work, came to see what the group was all about and to see if anyone would benefit from the program.  By attending the Meetup, she has been able to connect a lot of our young-adult members with a supportive program which will support them as they seek independent work.  She has also managed to connect a lot of her current clients with other young people in the Meetup group so that they can make friends with like-minded people their own age.  The parents who attend the Meetup have found connection with other parents in an environment where they are near their children but not actively involved or worried since their children are having a great time with their friends.  Janna Hoskin not only got to know more autistic people in a social setting, she also met her "intended" at the Meetup back in the fall!  



The purpose of the Calgary Asperger's Syndrome/Autism Spectrum Meetup group is to provide a positive environment for folks on the Spectrum, their friends and families to share ideas, support and experiences...or just enjoy food, drink, fun and friends. It seems to have grown into a positive oasis in a world where autism spectrum conditions are often seen as a disease, an epidemic, a travesty and a curse. It's the way we are, why not learn to appreciate our strengths, accept each other, share ways to cope with our challenges and have fun while doing so?



Perhaps there is something to acceptance after all!

So what do you think of all this?[/color]
My support group is a little like that; but it's not that we act less autistic when we're there--we act more social. We're as awkward as ever, I think; but for some reason the tension that you get when  you have to try to justify yourself to an NT world is gone. We're with people who speak our language--that goes a long way towards facilitating good communication. I haven't seen any difference in eye contact, though. Most of the people there don't bother with it.
I met Max the Bear and his aspie partner in California last summer. (Darn, I miss Max!).  We were scheduled to have lunch.  They picked me up around 12 and returned me around 9--we had the most amazing and delightful day moving around from place to place where we could continue our non-stop conversation.  It was incredible!

Callista Wrote:
My support group is a little like that; but it's not that we act less autistic when we're there--we act more social. We're as awkward as ever, I think; but for some reason the tension that you get when  you have to try to justify yourself to an NT world is gone. We're with people who speak our language--that goes a long way towards facilitating good communication. I haven't seen any difference in eye contact, though. Most of the people there don't bother with it.


It takes a lot of the pressure off, huh?  I have a great sense of humor, but only when I'm not stressed or something.

energeia Wrote:
I met Max the Bear and his aspie partner in California last summer. (Darn, I miss Max!).  We were scheduled to have lunch.  They picked me up around 12 and returned me around 9--we had the most amazing and delightful day moving around from place to place where we could continue our non-stop conversation.  It was incredible!



Yeah???

What's the guy like?

When I am chatting with NTs I am constantly worried about my eye-contact - is it enough? Too much? At the wrong times? - because I keep catching them looking at me with a strange expression. But in company with other autists I just concentrate on the conversation. It was great to see Rossco and my hubby chatting together - no awkwardness, no embarassed silences, no eye contact...Big Grin

It is much easier to converse with people who think in the same way as I do - not that we agree on anything, necessarily, but that we follow the same thought processes. A comment by someone can trigger a very rapid thought train, so my next remark appears like a complete change of subject to an NT; other autists cotton on seamlessly.
I thought the article really interesting morning_after --- My aspie son always was always good with young children, very kind - I think for some people with AS it is easier to get on with people outside of their age group.
I agree.  I was one of them.

And to Tigger, I can understand what you're saying, though I am the only autistic person I know in person.
This thing about eye contact - I really only give eye contact when I want to give a clear message or convince some one of some thing. I will also give eye contact when saying "good bye". But I don't really see that I am different to anyone else in this - People don't hold eyecontact - it's too invasive.

You are interesting morning_after.
I am a nurse and I work in aged care. I feel comfortable working with this age group.

I couldn't work with the general public - it would be too stressful and too overwhelming.
Also age slows down the thinking processors - we are on a par.
You're right about the other things morning_after :-)

Catch you later - time to lie down - tired.
My psychiatrist recently said he thinks my AS is "mild" because I can make eye contact, and someone with "severe" AS can't do that. The thing is, I've been seeing him for ten years, and he forgets that I didn't make eye contact for the first two.

I don't know about anyone else here, but I have a hard time making eye contact because I sense that people are "talking" with their eyes in a language I don't understand, and are expecting me to converse back to them in that language. Avoiding eye contact stops this "conversation" on both ends. I can make eye contact with my psychiatrist because he speaks at face value (what he says is what he means, and he says what he means without holding back). No subterfuge, no "between the lines". In other words, he does not speak that unknown language with his eyes, and is not expecting me to converse back to him in it, so there is no need to avoid eye contact with him. Also, he is one of the few truly non-judgemental people I have ever met. (I find it slightly disconcerting, however, that he views lack of eye contact as an item on a checklist, and does not seem to understand that there is a reason for it. He is usually more insightful than that.)

Anyway, he does not see that I make virtually NO eye contact with anyone else.

I hope that made sense. I think I'm rambling...
Yeah - it made sense -- it seems to link with the idea that having trust makes a difference. You must have been lucky enough to find a good psychaitrist who understands enough to help you to trust him. Perhaps you should explain to him, I don't know.
It sounds like a nice group.  It would be nice to attend a social group function without worry of facing the dreaded gauntlet of hugs. I've resorted to a least a dozen strategies to evade the hug rituals at the NT social groups I attend now.

On the other hand, I've read that women usually don't attend spectrum social groups more than once due to gettng too much attention from men who havent got a clue about boundries.

Callista what is your group like in that regard?  Or is it a formal therepy kind of group rather than a casual social meetup?
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