Aspies For Freedom

It's not so bad as you might've imagined.

I was in the computer lab, and I was trying to sign out of the Internet (I had been checking mail), but it was taking longer than usual because the sun was shining bright in my eyes and there were people talking and moving around me. Then I get tapped on the shoulder, and I flinch. The teacher is the one who was I feel like there is no recourse. It is a complaint I cannot make, without my opinion being lowered I feel so humiliated she said, repeatedly, "Don't pull this on me, Melody." How she knew my name I don't know. She then said she had an autistic child and then told me that I hadn't been bothered by thesounds of the crowd until she had told me to go and that I do this every time she's in the lab. There was only one other time I got really overloaded and she was there. I said "because you touched me" and asked her not to keep looking at me. It was freezing me up, and I was taking slower. She kept talking in loud, disciplinary tone, which took me even longer because it was taking me longer to process the words, was stressed out, and she kept looking fixedly at me. I was having a hard enough time gathering my bags because the strap of one of them had broken off this morning right before boarding th bus. (Recorded: 8:30-8:41 ; Occured: 8:25-8:26) 13 March 2008

I don't know what to do, if there is anything. I just, I felt so stressed, and humiliated, and it was like going back to elementary school. I hate being yelled atand intruded upon. It was even harder to go to class with my bags because my legs were shaky and it took longer to stand up. I felt so depressed and ashamed and tears dripped from the sides of my eyes as I held my head low and dropped my bags next to my desk, then went to the water fountain and splashed some water on my face. Then back in class a few people asked if I needed to go to the nurs'es office.

My computer is being strange and i can"t edit this post properly> but i can clarify that this teacher was supervising one morning a few months ago when i was overloaded in the computer lab>

I am sad ( and quite outraged) that this teacher did this to you. She is obviously into blame and shame. I am not sure what recourse you have-can the nurse do anything to report this incident to the principle? Is there a counsellor at your school? Some ally or advocate?

I really like your name-  ( seeing as I am a musician) and think it suits you so well too. You have a strong voice here at AFF and I always appreciate your posts.

in music-Melody gives a piece of music richness and character"

Thanks.

I'm not sure what to do. My first thought would be to talk to the director of special services, but I don't see how it would do anything to improve the situation. This teacher seemed quite clear in making her defense being that she's the parent of an autistic child, so obviously she must know how to handle me best. As one friend pointed out when I showed her what I wrote about this incident, she said something along the lines of "she may have an autistic child, but that doesn't give her an advantage in the field of Understanding Melody.

As she said that, the phrase was going through my mind of "If you've met one autistic person, you've met... one autistic person." It made me wish that I had a shirt with said phrase on it so I could come to the computer lab again next Thursday with it on.

I wish I could give you some advice, but I can't help.  
However, thank you for that quote.  I am collecting some phrases I want to put on T-shirts when I open a Cafepress shop this summer, and that will be one of them.    (the best of the others I have so far is "Well done is better than well said", which is a Ben Franklin quote, and on the back it will say "Encourage Autistic perseverations")

You are quite right. Autistic people, one from another, are very different.

I have also been humiliated by teachers who apparently thought I was deliberately being "bad". It is much worse than being caught actually breaking the rules, because when they say things like that, it's like they are judging who you are.

It  couldn't hurt to let some one know how you perceive things. If something is distressing for you and you don't speak to some one it is more likely to happen again. Where we live, teachers are not supposed to yell at a student at all.  I know of one who pretty much lost her job for yelling at a student.

I've met that type of person that the teacher seem to be; a 1-way person. What's worse she could be taking out 'whatever' frustrations she might have with her own child.

Maybe you could try and write her and explain or meet with her in the company of a neutral person.

That's an interesting perspective I hadn't considered, but may very well be the key to her bad attitude...

Probably better to meet in company of a third person, than dealing with it one to one if she's already demonstrating a lack of sensitivity.

I would be inclined to think that.

The idea mentioned about taking out frustrations, it struck me, as seemed to be talking to me more like an upset parent to a child who has disobeyed than as a teacher to a high school student. It reminded me of some of the worse confrontations between me and my mother, except worse because the teacher doesn't know me at all (I've never been a student in her class before).

I think the most exasperating part of all this is that it's just one part of a trend. Of course, I experienced similar confrontations when in elementary school, but in the last few months, a number of various staff (including lunch supervisers, the school nurse, and some of the special services teachers - the main offendor no longer working here) have had similar interactions with me, even after being informed that I'm autistic and specific things they should keep in mind (such as not interpreting my slower auditory processing as being ignoring them).

Of course, some of these things that have happened are clearly inappropriate regardless of whether I'm autistic or not, such as purposefully shouting right by my ear at the end of lunch that it's time to go, and some verbal abuse last year from the teacher mentioned above who no longer works here - don't know if she was terminated or just moved to another job. Two speech teachers this year who were rather abrasive and not willing to try to understand my perspectives were also terminated, for not being a good match for the school.

I want to put something in writing, perhaps involving the director of special services (who has handled these types of complaints/conflicts in the past). My main concern is that I do not want to deal with her in person, not now anyway, as I don't know if this is a one-time event (maybe a bad day) or the start of an on-going animosity. Hopefully it's the former, but she seemed very much on the defensive, even though during this whole event I didn't criticize her, or say she didn't understand or didn't know what she was doing. I can only imagine how defensive she might get.

Still, I know I can't just do nothing. Does anyone have any ideas on how to tactfully approach this, without making it seem like I'm attacking her understanding/ability to interact with autistics or students in general?

Sounds awful..... and awfully familiar.  D:

I don't know the woman in question, and you'll have to be the judge as to whether you're up to this and she would receptive of it, but maybe you should schedule a time during lunch or some other break where you could go talk to her once you both have cooled down and explain why that made you uncomfortable, the exact problems you were having at the time to the extent you can explain them, and what you would appreciate her doing in the future to avoid that happening again.  If she refuses to cooperate, or gives you further trouble after you've done your best to calmly state your case and try to make amends, I'd suggest going to whoever usually deals with problems of this sort and making a complaint.  If she really is bringing her family baggage to this, or simply treating every case the same regardless of the individuals and situations at hand, perhaps she needs to be either better trained to be professional and helpful or replaced.

Melody, the teacher had no excuse for that at all. Especially thinking that just because they have a child on the Spectrum themselves because - as observed by others - every ASD person is different. It made me think that the teacher had decided that if you weren't like their child, you are a fraud and a liar - and for a teacher that is unforgiveable.

Talking to the Director of Special Services is definitely an option. I know you think it might not change anything, but then again it might. You don't know. If you say nothing they won't know about it and then they definitely won't do anything. At least if you report it there's a chance that they will.

Very important if you do - write everything down that happened. As close to full detail as your memory will allow. Stick to the facts of what happened, how it made you feel and why. Definitely mention what the teacher said about their child being Autistic.

The old "when you .... I feel .... " formula is a safe bet, whether you choose to speak directly to her or to another person. (Then it would be "when she .... I feel ....")  Expand the with something like "this makes it hard for me to ..... "  and if you have a positive suggestion for how to handle such situations in the future, make it.

It is important, no matter how you choose to approach it, that you do not in any way criticize her personally.  Stay focused on her actions as objectively as possible and then discuss your reactions, which only you know.  She cannot say that you do not know how you have responded or how you feel, so that is safe, solid ground.  

Regardless of the outcome, be sure to thank anyone involved for their time when the conversation is over.

Thanks for the advice/suggestions, everyone. I intend to craft an e-mail communication to the Director of Special Services and have my parents review it. The description I wrote in the e-mail I wrote about 5 minutes after the event. It's the weekend, so I can have time to edit the e-mail before sending it.

An excellent idea! It's always best to have a record of such incidents in writing and I certainly think that someone higher up should have a word to this woman about her attitude. It shouldn't be left up to you to talk to her on your own. It's too easy for her to take the upper hand and just duck shove your concerns. It's possible other complaints have been made about her too.