The child is 7 yrs old. She cries if her parents want to go out and leave her home with her siblings and nanny or other family members who babysit. She was recently telling her mother that she didn't want her to drink coffee because she thought it was bad for her. Her mother would tell her to do something and she would be disobedient. When the parents threatened punishment, she would say she didn't care until she found out that she wouldn't like the punishment.
What is going on her? I should probably stay out of this but this kid is causing much stress at family events and almost ruined a party with her tantrum. I have decided that I am not going to have much to do with this family other than sending cards and presents twice a year.
Anxiety is definitely a possibility. Not only would it explain the desire for her parents not to leave, it also explains why she would tell her mother to stop drinking coffee- she's scared for her.
Children at this age have a limited range of options for showing that their needs are not being met. It seems to me that this child is crying out for something in her life to change. What that is, it is impossible for me to say, although she does seem to be looking for attention from her parents (negative attention is better than limited attention, to a child, and children can find the negative attention easier to activate). Overall, patience and understanding seem to be a good place to start. Withdrawing is likely to make things worse.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh - but - be careful not to judge the child too harshly.
My son would meltdown awfully when we wanted to leave him with baby sitters - right up until the age of 14. I didn't understand - and at times I treated him harshly due to my inability to understand. I feel sad when I think back upon how much of a struggle he had.
I was desparate for time out from him - two struggles equaled misery.
It does sound like some sort of separation anxiety to me, but it also sounds as if the kid just might be a bit of a brat (with the disobedience and whatnot). If I refused to do something my parents told me to do, I knew a spanking would be in order, so I didn't really have any problems with obedience. I'm thinking the punishment the parents in this family are using isn't effective enough to make the child prefer to do what the parents say.
Of course, I'm not a parent; I just think a lot of kids today aren't being disciplined enough.
I rather hate to bring this up but could this little girl be getting abused in some way when she's being minded? More likely, she is suffering separation anxiety and could be worried coffee will kill her mum or make her sick (she's probably heard on the news that coffee is bad for you). I wonder if she has been separated from her mum before due to illness (her's or mum's).
She could be just acting naughty but I think it's important to find out why she is behaving the way she is.
Her mother works long hours. They had the same nanny since birth and the kids love her. Her twin (not identical) sister is a confident and friendly child and more well behaved. The girl who misbehaves definitely does not have autism.
It just really bothers me because people say I should support the parents. But I am also told that I should not interfere or say anything to them about disciplining or handling their family life. How am I supposed to support them? What is this support I am supposed to be doing?
I was talking to my mother about how much this bothered me and she said that the girl just adores her mother. If she adores her mother then why is she so disobedient to her? She even tells her father that she hates him. They say she is very moody (what small child is not crying one hour and laughing the next?) She has a relative with bipolar but children do not have bipolar.
I don't know but you can be sure this child feels cr@p about herself. If she has a tantrum at a party it shouldn't be allowed to ruin the party - the best thing is if she and her mum could have some quiet time so she would settle down.
I was talking to my mother about how much this bothered me and she said that the girl just adores her mother. If she adores her mother then why is she so disobedient to her? She even tells her father that she hates him. They say she is very moody (what small child is not crying one hour and laughing the next?) She has a relative with bipolar but children do not have bipolar.
The reason she misbehaves with her mother is probably because she has somehow, subconsciously, come to the conclusion that she will get more attention from her mother (even if it is negative) that way. She really sounds desperate for attention from her parents. It isn't uncommon for kids to act out negatively, to seek negative attention, when they don't get what they need from their parents.
Do some research on bi-polar from reliable sources. It does not cycle that rapidly and it does not onset in children that young. It would be a crime to give a diagnosis and medicate a child so young.
I know she is acting this way to get her mother's attention. Just what can I do about it? Why am I not allowed to help?
Do some research on bi-polar from reliable sources. It does not cycle that rapidly and it does not onset in children that young. It would be a crime to give a diagnosis and medicate a child so young.
I know she is acting this way to get her mother's attention. Just what can I do about it? Why am I not allowed to help?
Ah, I thought you said you wanted to keep away from the family. The mother might just want somebody who will listen in a non-judgemental way.
She does not have out of control tantrums. Her parents have failed to teach her to control herself and give in to her demands. She often stops when they threaten to punish her. But she is never really punished because there is always a compromise made.
I usually make it a point with kids that I expect a certain behaviour and I will outline this in the beginning. Kids sometimes will be given a choice of what they want to do. For some conditions I tell them that there is no choice. If they are defiant, there will be a punishment and they will still have to do what is expected. I am consistent with the rules.
Okay, but just how is that going to help her or her mum? She really needs to be taken to a doctor to make sure it isn't an emotional problem that is causing her to act out like this. There is far too much talk about punishment and rules and it's important to find out if there is any underlying problem before being sure she is simply acting naughtily.
Perhaps she is overindulged but then again, she might have an emotional or mental condition or a developmental delay.
There is nothing I can do then. So I won't try.
Sounds like a plan
