02-24-2008, 04:50 PM
Hi,
This is my first post on Aspies for Freedom (or any other forum, for that matter.) I am a 43-year-old NT, and I have a 47-year-old brother, Pat, who has AS.
For most of his adult life, Pat had very limited communication with the rest of our family. I spoke to him about once a year. He might return my phone calls, or he might not. He was always clearly different and we always wondered how well he was making out, but he seemed to want to be left alone, so we respected his adultness and autonomy and we left him alone.
A little over a year ago, Pat contacted our oldest brother and shared that he had been unemployed for over two years, was three months behind on his house payments, had over $100,000 in credit card debt, was feeling suicidal, and wanted help. The oldest brother brought me in on the situation, and together we helped Pat navigate getting counseling and meds for his depression, filing bankruptcy, getting diagnosed with Asperger’s, applying for and receiving Social Security Disability, and finding an apartment that he could afford (his house went into foreclosure). In the process, I learned some things about AS but mostly by the seat of my pants: I was now communicating regularly with a brother who had been mostly a stranger for almost two decades, and most of the time I spent assisting him was focused on handling his financial and legal problems. I have a family of my own and, at the time, a full-time job. By the end of 2007, Pat’s bankruptcy was done, he was getting SSD payments, he was moved into his new home, and his depression seemed well-controlled by meds.
Now he has gone underground again. He has not returned my phone calls for the past month, and I don’t know why. Our last conversation was light-hearted and positive. I am really concerned about him. He lives 1500 miles away from me. He has always lived a very isolated life. When he was diagnosed with AS, he began attending a monthly support group for people with AS, but I don’t think he has any social contact other than that. I don’t think he gets together with any of the support group members outside of the monthly meetings. I am very worried that his isolation will or has led to a return of his depression. I have been suggesting for months that he find a part-time job or some volunteer work that will get him out of the house and interacting with people, but he expresses absolutely no interest. I feel sure that he spends his days holed up in his apartment, sleeping, reading, watching TV, and doing crossword puzzles. He doesn’t have any friends. It doesn’t seem like much of a life to me, and I’m surprised and disappointed that, even freed from the burden of working for a living, he doesn’t seem to have any desire to do anything worthwhile with his time.
After spending some time reading posts on this forum, I am hopeful that I can get some insight and advice from other Aspies about what might be best for my brother. What do you think about the fact that he spends so much time alone and idle? Do you think that it would good for him to find a part-time job or some volunteer work? His life seems so empty to me, and I’m worried that his depression and suicidal thinking will return if he doesn’t find a way to be involved with other people. I am concerned that he’s not really capable of living on his own without more structure and supervision than I am able to provide from this distance. I am considering asking him to move to the town where I live. (He currently lives in a major city, and I live in a small town. Life is slower here, and people are kinder and more patient.) He’s really hard to talk with on the phone… we do so much better in face-to-face conversation.
I’d appreciate any input!
Thank you.
This is my first post on Aspies for Freedom (or any other forum, for that matter.) I am a 43-year-old NT, and I have a 47-year-old brother, Pat, who has AS.
For most of his adult life, Pat had very limited communication with the rest of our family. I spoke to him about once a year. He might return my phone calls, or he might not. He was always clearly different and we always wondered how well he was making out, but he seemed to want to be left alone, so we respected his adultness and autonomy and we left him alone.
A little over a year ago, Pat contacted our oldest brother and shared that he had been unemployed for over two years, was three months behind on his house payments, had over $100,000 in credit card debt, was feeling suicidal, and wanted help. The oldest brother brought me in on the situation, and together we helped Pat navigate getting counseling and meds for his depression, filing bankruptcy, getting diagnosed with Asperger’s, applying for and receiving Social Security Disability, and finding an apartment that he could afford (his house went into foreclosure). In the process, I learned some things about AS but mostly by the seat of my pants: I was now communicating regularly with a brother who had been mostly a stranger for almost two decades, and most of the time I spent assisting him was focused on handling his financial and legal problems. I have a family of my own and, at the time, a full-time job. By the end of 2007, Pat’s bankruptcy was done, he was getting SSD payments, he was moved into his new home, and his depression seemed well-controlled by meds.
Now he has gone underground again. He has not returned my phone calls for the past month, and I don’t know why. Our last conversation was light-hearted and positive. I am really concerned about him. He lives 1500 miles away from me. He has always lived a very isolated life. When he was diagnosed with AS, he began attending a monthly support group for people with AS, but I don’t think he has any social contact other than that. I don’t think he gets together with any of the support group members outside of the monthly meetings. I am very worried that his isolation will or has led to a return of his depression. I have been suggesting for months that he find a part-time job or some volunteer work that will get him out of the house and interacting with people, but he expresses absolutely no interest. I feel sure that he spends his days holed up in his apartment, sleeping, reading, watching TV, and doing crossword puzzles. He doesn’t have any friends. It doesn’t seem like much of a life to me, and I’m surprised and disappointed that, even freed from the burden of working for a living, he doesn’t seem to have any desire to do anything worthwhile with his time.
After spending some time reading posts on this forum, I am hopeful that I can get some insight and advice from other Aspies about what might be best for my brother. What do you think about the fact that he spends so much time alone and idle? Do you think that it would good for him to find a part-time job or some volunteer work? His life seems so empty to me, and I’m worried that his depression and suicidal thinking will return if he doesn’t find a way to be involved with other people. I am concerned that he’s not really capable of living on his own without more structure and supervision than I am able to provide from this distance. I am considering asking him to move to the town where I live. (He currently lives in a major city, and I live in a small town. Life is slower here, and people are kinder and more patient.) He’s really hard to talk with on the phone… we do so much better in face-to-face conversation.
I’d appreciate any input!
Thank you.
