Aspies For Freedom

Hi EvilZakkie,

It does help quite a bit. Sounds like I can stop worrying about him being lonely and turn my attention to more productive ways of helping him out.

I hear what you are saying about the phone. It didn't seem like it could be personal but I just couldn't make sense of it. I do want him to keep in touch with me so I can know that he's okay, but I realize that a half-hour conversation once a week might not be his idea of a good time! I wonder if email might be a better way. He has an email account but does not have a computer at home - he goes to the library when he wants to go online. Maybe if we got him a computer and internet service he'd be more willing to stay in touch. My main concern is that when something goes wrong for him or stresses him out or he runs into an obstacle, he shuts down pretty quickly, and if we know about it we can help him navigate the obstacles/problems, but if he's incommunicado, we don't know what he's going through and can't help and the problems just get bigger.

Thanks so much for your insight. I appreciate it.

Luai_lashire,

What you say about autistics having trouble asking for help certainly seems to ring true in my brother's case. Even though we have told him many times, "We are here for you," he's not forthcoming about problems he is struggling with. We have gotten frustrated and felt like he didn't trust us or something, but I'm getting clear that this is not a case of willful withholding of information but probably not even knowing how to start to talk about it. As far as the phone goes, I guess I have read about aspies not liking to talk on the phone but didn't realize that it could be so uncomfortable that someone would avoid it completely. This is all very enlightening and gives me some new ideas about how to be in contact with my brother. My heartfelt thanks to you!

Toad,

That's another great idea -- I will talk with him about that. I don't think he's ever had a cell phone. My house is in the boonies and I don't even get cell reception here, but most of the rest of the family lives in civilization.....

KingdomofRats,

Thanks for the input. He speaks quite well -- I suspect that his issues with the phone have more to do with being overwhelmed by the number of topics discussed and probably the length of the call. I know he has trouble figuring out how to end a phone call, and I will be more sensitive from now on to keep our phone calls very short and discuss only one or two topics. Since he often doesn't have much to say, I tend to chatter away to fill the empty spaces so he doesn't have to talk, and (argh!) probably drive him away in the process!

idassister

TheZach,

Does it bug you to get long emails, or do you prefer them short and covering only a topic or two?

idassister

Thanks to all who have responded. You've given me lots of good ideas for approaching him differently. I can see where I have almost certainly been too pushy and too gabby in the past. It's true that we've had a lot of interaction over the last year, including four in-person visits, so maybe he's taking some space. With your input, my frustration and fear levels are down, and my understanding is up -- just what I was hoping for!

This forum has been a real gold mine for me. I would like to do some reading on the subject of AS. I have read part of "Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome" by Juanita Lovett and found the vignettes helpful. Does anyone have recommendations?

idassister