Aspies For Freedom

Hi, I only registered yesterday, or rather in the early hours of this morning, but I'm finding this addictive - in a very good way!

My six year old son started talking at 18 months and hasn't stopped since.  In many ways it's great, he's got some amazing ideas and is very articulate and good with adults - less so with other children who just aren't interested or don't understand what he's on about.

My problem is getting him to stop, particularly when I'm speaking to other adults.  I've spent years telling him that I need and want to be able to speak to other people, but he hasn't got that message at all.  When I'm speaking to someone else he keeps talking, interrupts, grabs me, my clothes, screams and roars and sometimes just goes into meltdown.  No-one has said anything, either they're used to it I suppose, or because he's small for his age, they think he's younger than he is.  Either way I think they just look at us and think he's a spoiled brat and I'm an overindulgent or poor mother.  

Any ideas?  I've tried distracting, asking him to make up a story in his head to tell me later, picking him up and cuddling him - when I do this he just physically turns my head towards him - and ignoring him.  Ignoring is my usual strategy , but that just means my conversations are short and distracted.  Meltdown and tantrums are really difficult and I feel helpless when that happens.  Usually he recovers quickly when he has my full attention again.

Of course, if he's engaged in something or talking to someone himself, he objects to me talking to him or anyone else!  He says I "blah, blah, blah".  Huh, takes one to know one!

Sometimes it's funny.  I was telling a friend the other day about one time we were driving home from a day out.  I needed some down time, and suggested that we listen to music on the radio for the 15 minutes or so it took to get home. No talking!  Son agreed and I put the radio on.  Next thing he's singing his, then favourite, song complete with actions learned from DVD.  I said "I thought we were going to listen to the radio".  Son "Oh, I don't like that song, so I thought I'd sing mine while you listened to that one".  AAAAAAARGH!!!!  Switch radio off and listen to Zippedy Doo Da for millionth time!

Once I talked to a mother with an autistic kid, and then one of her kids interrupted our conversation, and I said something like "that's a typical trait of autism" but apparently the boy had never been considered autistic.

I bet he has "shadow syndrome" though.

My son can be very much like yours, but he has learned to control it through speech therapy at school.  Apparently the issue of knowing when to talk, when to end it, and how to state your ideas succintly and appropriately is called "pragmatic speech."  I only know a few of the techniques they used with him, starting with explaining and showing to him WHY it matters to speak effectively and appropriately.  Once he got sold on that concept, we were encouraged to use hand signals with him, to let him know when he had gone on too long or was speaking out of turn.  That way he could wrap things up best he could, as quick as he could, without verbal interference.

Perhaps agreeing to a hand signal with your son, and making sure he knows that you WILL make time to hear the full story later, when it's more appropriate, will help?

Talk to the school, as well.  I hadn't realized there was such a thing as a pragmatic speech issue until the school noted it, and provided services for it.  I thought I just had a chatter box who I needed to control better!  Well, no, it really is more complex than that.

Yes, I came across the pragmatic speech thing in a book about AS and young children last week and recognised it instantly as my son's "chatterbox" behaviour.  Hand signals sounds promising and now I think about it, I've been using one for a few years now to get him to talk more quietly.  Seems to work most of the time, without really being planned so we'll see if we can work out another one.  Thanks.

He's in the SLT loop now and I've discovered today that the school already reckon he's an aspie, but weren't sure how to tell me!  The Asst Head spoke to me this morning at the school gate and then phoned me at home this pm to talk about things.  They have some other aspies at the school and they're aware of things that upset individual children and have worked out ways to deal with it.  One boy is distressed by noise at particular times so he gets to go off for some quiet activity when that happens. Far from being a big deal, it's no deal at all!  So I'm very optimistic about help from the school which is a load off my mind!

What's "shadow syndrome"?

Hi Marcia! My 13-year-old still struggles with speech issues.  It is very difficult for him to simply be quiet and let a person finish what they have to say. If I am there to help him he does better, or once he is accustomed to a person or place and isn't so excited. And so. I figure we've got several more years to work on it .....

Marcia, it sounds your son's school is one of the "good" ones for Aspies, and that will help SO much.  The accommodations for things like noise sensitivity help quite a bit.  My son gets many accommodations and services and it has all added up to a very happy child who loves to learn.  Not to say that we still don't have roadblocks and rough stumbles, but he is confident in the adults around him to help him through things and give him leeway when needed, and that by itself is a blessing.  He isn't afraid to try to work things out, no matter what the problem is.

Ps - I was trying to figure out where you are when, duh, it's right in the thread title, lol!

We're in California, USA, and have been VERY lucky with our school.  It varies so much school to school what you'll get.  Such a sigh of relief when you get one that really "gets" it.

I believe shadow syndrome is when you have traits of a condition but don't fullfill the criteria.

I wonder if I have pragmatic speech issues because I've always hated being interrupted while I'm talking. It's as if I don't say it at that particular time, I think I'll never get to say whatever is on my mind. Getting the train of thought interrupted derails it completely.

Pakrat, I think most people hate being interrupted while talking.  Whether it affects you more severely I can't say, but interrupting is simply rude, and for good reason, as you expressed very nicely.

Marcia,

I forgot to tell you "welcome!"

I've gotten a lot out of this forum over the years.  I sometimes stay away for long periods but, overall, it has really helped me understand my son to chat with adult Aspies here.  Many of the posters here took some getting used to, because they are often very strong in their opinions and their language, and at times that comes off as combative to an NT parent like me, but it all helps me, long run, with knowing how to best parent my amazing child.

What I also meant was if I was talking when I was a child and told to be quiet eg. when the news was on, I didn't want to because then I wouldn't get out what I wanted to say and it would be too late once the news was over.

So I would keep going and then get into trouble and sometimes it would result in a meltdown and I'd get sent to my room. Even to this day I detest being "shushed" for any reason and tend to either shut down or get louder if I feel what I have to say is really important.

As a child, I saw the news as being very boring and useless and I suppose a lot of kids do see it that way. It takes maturity to understand why it is not necessarily a waste of time.