Aspies For Freedom

/dances

Well, pecking order or not, I still find my credibility and influence as a contributor to be less than I'd like it to be.

Batman, I love your posts. They have never seemed unintelligent to me in any way. And furthermore, I admire that you have the courage to stand up for your views, even though you don't have a lot of confidence in them.

Why thank you, and thanks to the others who agree.

I guess this is a bit OT but I was looking through the posts that this "LtCalley" guy (now banned) was writing to certain members, saying "they've not seen the real world and haven't faced enough adversity to overcome their Aspie difficulties."  I admit to feeling insecure when I see "righteous" people like this claiming that their rough experience made them "overcome AS problems," and that those who willingly don't take challenges are pathetic.

I would be the prime suspect for someone like LtCalley.  I have opted out of a lot of difficulties because of intentional avoidance and in a lot of cases because I don't see why doing certain things is necessary, as much of what NTs say is necessary, to me has no benefit.  I see this "militaristic" attitude in people like LtCalley and know that I'm the complete opposite of someone like him... the poster boy for utter weakness, and isolating myself from the real world.

Must I feel guilty!?!  I live with this idea daily.  There's so many other people out there who faced great difficulties not by choice, some who elected to do things that would be tough for them, and I'm not having any of it.  This goes for people both on and off the spectrum.

But... I really feel that my neurological limitations are such that "forcing hardships" on me would be more unhealthy than beneficial.  Contrary to the NT way of thinking, but I am not NT.

What am I supposed to think anymore?  I am reclusive and avoidant and also myself.  But then the counterargument is that you're not an actual person if you're not a mature man, which I am not.

Ditto what Bella said about comparing yourself to others.  

So soldier boy claimed to be a military man... that doesn't mean all autistic people are going to thrive in the army.  No two people on the spectrum have an identical skills set, so just because one did well at something, doesn't mean we all will.   That's not just an Aspie thing - for instance, one person who uses a wheelchair might be able to walk unaided with enough physiotherapy, while for another physio would just aggravate their condition and cause pain.  That doesn't mean the second person isn't "trying hard enough" - it means they're facing a totally different situation that just happens to look the same from a distance.

Bella:

ethel:

rossco, are you comparing Ethel to me? :)
(It would be a compliment for me to be compared to Ethel, as I like all of her posts, and think she has a good sense of humour.)

anyway, all that mushy stuff aside :)
Ditto for me too on the above from Bella and Ethel.

...   I used to hear it alot from my mom ("why can't you be more like....") who probably was frustrated with me not being the way she perceived a daughter 'should' be.
- pink dresses, lots of friends, make up, purses, accessories, et al  ..as an example of a stereotype.. Funny, as she was nothing like that either.  Eventually, we got along, though, even though I have never worn a pink dress in my life ( and I am never going to) :)

And I'm very flattered to be compared to you, Mahler!

It's also very, very dangerous to compare yourselves to other people you only know online.  Two reasons: 1.  They might be telling a pack of lies.  

And 2.  You don't get the full story.  I'm sure if you pieced together all my posts on here, you'd not get a good snapshot of what my life was like.  I probably come across like I've got a lot more Aspie-related problems than I really do. It's not that I'm exaggerating it or anything, it's just that in real life, all the Aspie stuff I talk about here is diluted with a lot of more 'normal' stuff that I don't talk about because it's not relevant.  So it probably looks impressive that I live alone and work full-time, but the actual challenges I face are probably not as great as a lot of other AFF-ers.

Due my my nature I generally make the pecking order in the real world.

Thanks for this post, I was kinda thinking along these lines, but then whenever I try to express that I have a problem, to my mother, or anyone, I always get this "I knew someone born with half a leg who does 100% more than you; I know someone who overcame dyslexia and went to college" blah blah blah.

It's tough to remember your comparison, Ethel, when I'm faced with constant detractors like these.  Basically, the thing is, no one believes my problems are "real."  They think my problems are an excuse to avoid the responsibilities of normal NT life.  I can't convince anyone otherwise!

Well it was more LtCalley's attitude, which I see in real life, than me comparing myself to him.  Obviously he was trollish and got banned instantly, so it's likely enough he was saying a lot of crap.  His attitude, however, is genuine in that it is common in real life.  

In real life I find myself compared to other people, by someone or other (therapists, parents, extended family), very often.  And I fail miserably in each and every comparison.  So I end up buying what they're saying.. in essence, that I am a pathetic complainer, is the implication.

How the hell do you classify a "worse" disability, anyway?  I mean, yes, missing a leg is more inconvenient than missing a toe, but how do you compare deafness with autism?  Or diabetes versus dyslexia?  It goes back to the invisible disability thing - 'well, I can't SEE anything wrong with you...'

Yeah, that's the thing.  People can't "see" my problems because they aren't very noticeable.  Therefore, they don't think I have them. So it's interpreted as "character defect" by the majority of people, unfortunately.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to convince anyone who matters (family, etc), that my problems are much more rooted in "different neurology" than nurture (upbringing) and/or personal failure  

People say, the solution to this or that problem of mine is, "You go and just do (problem activity.)  Just like I did ever since I was 15 years old, I never needed help with it either." etc etc

FRUSTRATION....

Why is this logic lost on such people....?

Well, if your words are sincere, MoH, I appreciate them.

But seeing as you are NT, I can never "see" the full extent of what you're saying, I have similar problems with the other NTs around here.  In a way this shows that my paranoia about NT communication is here to stay, because I know that NTs don't always say what they mean.

Thanks for your reply, Planet Louise, it's food for thought