Anyone else feel low on the "pecking order" either in real life, or on AFF?
Anyone else hate having their words skipped over, or waved off, because of slow auditory processing (takes too long for you to get your two cents in, etc; by that time, the alpha male present has said the last word on any given topic and your opinion won't count anyway, because of low social status.)
The problem I had of being "waved off" and "never taken seriously" in real life is what makes me attention-seeking online. But still, I am perturbed that I seem to affect almost nothing that goes on on AFF. And, this being a regular. Among the most regular of regulars, in fact.
I have observed that no one pays notice to what I contribute in "hot topic" discussions, while other members are quoted all the time. I feel my words are not taken seriously, as if I do not have the "standing" to say anything credible. And... in my blunt and honest say... I admit that this is most likely a "pecking order" issue. I believe I am very low on the AFF pecking order in terms of regular posters.
Why this "low status," I cannot be sure. In truth, I feel it is because of poor insight which reflects my unusually low intelligence for an Aspie. Less intelligence, logically, equals less valuable insight. Or perhaps it may be an age thing? A lot of those I would consider "high" on the pecking order on AFF are significantly older than me. But, disturbingly enough, some who are paid attention to more consistently are my age or younger.
I really wish someone would forget about politeness for this thread alone, and tell me why my insight is often not appreciated. I notice this is especially the case in hot button issues, like this whole recent craziness that has gone on in the General forum.
The pecking order matters to me, in other words. I don't want to be "among the highest" but what I hate the most is being among the lowest, and I suspect--among the regulars here--I really am low on the ladder. What can I do to gain credibility?
Hi Batman55,
I can really empathise with how you are feeling. I appreciate that there are big differences between our difficulties, but I do still feel that I can relate strongly to what you are describing.
All I can say is that I enjoy reading your posts and value your contributions. I feel that you have a lot of insight and this means your posts are always interesting to me.
I appreciate that praise and reassurance from a learning disabled girl might not count for much though.
Batman, I enjoy your posts. The reason I don't quote them more is because I am often in full agreement or feel that nothing more needs to be added. By all means, I don't think you are anywhere near the bottom of any pecking order here.
Lol Aliengirl, learing disabled doesn't count for *** IMHO, its who you asre that counts.
And yer rockin
hey... well at least you're not the biggest thread killer =p
1000 posts!!!! Yay Soccerfreak.
LOL I didn't even notice until you said that! PARTY!!!!!!!!
I thought I was still on post 955 or something....
Is there really a pecking order here? I guess I don't see it.
I'd say that there are affinities that form among subsets of people for a bunch of different reasons--it's an odd interwoven set of dances.
My two cents for you, Batman, are that until you can fully appreciate your own intrinsic value, no amount of positive reenforcement will be enough to satisfy you....and conversely, when you do appreciate your unique and wonderful self, then you won't need the positive reenforcement, but will gladly be able to receive it when it comes your way.
I wonder who the alpha males with unlimited confidence are here.
****Put your hand down Ian****
Besides Ian. I do not know anyone else that fees like this. (No Ian I am not having a dig)
Well I'd say the unlimited confidence thing is more a problem for me in real life, those folks always "steal the show" so to speak.
On AFF, what I see as a much bigger problem is a bit simpler: intellectual credibility. I simply don't have it. I'm very undereducated and simply not capable of understanding certain kinds of subject matter to the extent that others can.
I am not able to contribute in many discussions because I don't have the prerequisite knowledge needed to do so. It seems that those most knowledgeable, in my opinion, make it harder for those less knowledgeable to contribute and be appreciated. That is how I see it; I'm not gonna lie.
Thankee kindly Rossco 
Although Ted thinks i've mellowed in my "old age" lol.
There is three people like that who are regular posters that I look out for and thoroughly enjoy and am delighted when I see them. Pakrat, Tigger and Batman. Sure I like other posters but I can almost always agree with them and they post often and very wisely.
Thanks kindly Rossco. I also like looking out for your posts.
Ditto what Bella said about comparing yourself to others.
So soldier boy claimed to be a military man... that doesn't mean all autistic people are going to thrive in the army. No two people on the spectrum have an identical skills set, so just because one did well at something, doesn't mean we all will. That's not just an Aspie thing - for instance, one person who uses a wheelchair might be able to walk unaided with enough physiotherapy, while for another physio would just aggravate their condition and cause pain. That doesn't mean the second person isn't "trying hard enough" - it means they're facing a totally different situation that just happens to look the same from a distance.
I was nervous about this LtCalley character because the name he took was of a man who earned notoriety back in the Vietnam war days as the leader of one of the worst atrocities against civilians in that conflict - the My Lai massacre in 1968.
Ditto what Bella said about comparing yourself to others.
So soldier boy claimed to be a military man... that doesn't mean all autistic people are going to thrive in the army. No two people on the spectrum have an identical skills set, so just because one did well at something, doesn't mean we all will.
That's not just an Aspie thing - for instance, one person who uses a wheelchair might be able to walk unaided with enough physiotherapy, while for another physio would just aggravate their condition and cause pain. That doesn't mean the second person isn't "trying hard enough" - it means they're facing a totally different situation that just happens to look the same from a distance.
Thanks for this post, I was kinda thinking along these lines, but then whenever I try to express that I have a problem, to my mother, or anyone, I always get this "I knew someone born with half a leg who does 100% more than you; I know someone who overcame dyslexia and went to college" blah blah blah.
It's tough to remember your comparison, Ethel, when I'm faced with constant detractors like these. Basically, the thing is, no one believes my problems are "real." They think my problems are an excuse to avoid the responsibilities of normal NT life. I can't convince anyone otherwise!
Ooh, I hate it when people say "other with worse disabilities than you have done this, that, and the other". Well maybe they have, but they aren't me.
How the hell do you classify a "worse" disability, anyway? I mean, yes, missing a leg is more inconvenient than missing a toe, but how do you compare deafness with autism? Or diabetes versus dyslexia? It goes back to the invisible disability thing - 'well, I can't SEE anything wrong with you...'
Yeah, that's the thing. People can't "see" my problems because they aren't very noticeable. Therefore, they don't think I have them. So it's interpreted as "character defect" by the majority of people, unfortunately. I don't know if I'll ever be able to convince anyone who matters (family, etc), that my problems are much more rooted in "different neurology" than nurture (upbringing) and/or personal failure 
People say, the solution to this or that problem of mine is, "You go and just do (problem activity.) Just like I did ever since I was 15 years old, I never needed help with it either." etc etc
FRUSTRATION....
Yeah, if it were as easy as they say, we'd have been doing it years ago and there would be no problem.
Usually it's the posts that have said things in what I feel is complete or very well-stated. In fact, I can only one time I quoted a post I felt said a lot of stuff really well in the recent time, which was a post recently by anbuend (I think on the one about dividing the spectrum started by lc).
I think it is this reason that I usually lurk for a few years on a forum without writing, then I start writing maybe a post or two every month. Now I have accumulated about 300 posts in the last three months, when before I had only about 100 posts for a year or two that I was actually registered.
Most of the time I got started in writing frequently on message boards is when I would run across posts that offended me or were controversial, something that sparked my attention and compelled me to write while otherwise reluctant.
Now, it takes less spark for me to initiate a post. Still, I think I'm less likely to include a quote in my post unless there is a point in it I disagree with, or I want to clarify a definition, ask a question. Most of the time when I include a quote of something I really agree with, or I think is really well-stated, it's when I have trouble to come up with my own words and would simply like to state my agreement on those points.
I don't think it's an accurate assessment, however, that people disregard your opinion in discussions. The only real pecking order I perceived was the two categories of regulars who have lots of posts like you and those who don't have so many like me. And of course you have some people who write things like "Aspies are a superior human", who are off in their own category.
I have noticed that some groups of people seem to form...well, cliques is the only word I can think of, though not with the negative connotations I usually have associated with that word. Some groups of online friends through AFF. I've never really noticed the specifics of these things before.
How the hell do you classify a "worse" disability, anyway? I mean, yes, missing a leg is more inconvenient than missing a toe, but how do you compare deafness with autism? Or diabetes versus dyslexia? It goes back to the invisible disability thing - 'well, I can't SEE anything wrong with you...'
Yeah, that's the thing. People can't "see" my problems because they aren't very noticeable. Therefore, they don't think I have them. So it's interpreted as "character defect" by the majority of people, unfortunately. I don't know if I'll ever be able to convince anyone who matters (family, etc), that my problems are much more rooted in "different neurology" than nurture (upbringing) and/or personal failure
People say, the solution to this or that problem of mine is, "You go and just do (problem activity.) Just like I did ever since I was 15 years old, I never needed help with it either." etc etc
FRUSTRATION....
Yes. The resource room teacher, when I asked her about ways to help focus on what I was doing, offered me the suggestion of reminding myself I needed to focus on what I needed to do. I told her that was exactly what I was doing!
One thing it has definitely showed is that you are not alone in your feelings.
Many of us feel small and insignificant and out of our depth in collective groups of any kind.
Your fears and concerns of being different and unaccepted by our peers were surprisingly shared by most of us.