Aspies For Freedom

My little boy, who is almost 6, has had these obsessions for the last year or two that I'm unsure how to deal with. He's totally fixated on ceiling tiles and light bulbs. It's often hard to get his attention because he will keep repeating either "ceiling tiles" or "square light bulbs" until you repeat it back to him. It's like an OCD.

He always wants me to "buy square light bulbs at the store". Or he'll grab the broom when my back is turned so he can poke out the ceiling tiles in our house. This happened a while back. A couple of them broke, so I will need to replace them before the landlord finds out. He loves to draw, too, and all he wants to draw is ceiling tiles and square light bulbs. I wish I knew where this came from.

It's like he can't think of anything else at times and it's hard to get through to him when he keeps repeating these words over and over. He'll look at me and say the words and I can tell he expects me to repeat them back to him. He isn't happy until I do it.

I guess I don't know if I'm doing the wrong thing by repeating it to him when I know it's what he wants me to do. It seems to make him happy and that's why I do it. I try to direct his attention to other things, but it doesn't work. Sometimes, he gets really upset and has a complete meltdown over it, and the weird thing is that it happens even when I go along with him and repeat the phrases to him.

I am not autistic so I have no idea what's going on in that mysterious head of his. All I can do is act instinctively and do what I think makes him most comfortable and secure and happy. I hate seeing him upset, and especially have a hard time with his meltdowns. It gets ugly sometimes. I have to say it has gotten better with age, but it still happens and I have to admit, I rarely know what's going on with him.

Any insight would help me at this point. I know there isn't always an answer or explanation for these things, but just having the opportunity to let it out to people who will understand in some way what we're going through will help me immensely.

sounds like a cute little bugger. i can remember playing similar "games" when i was young. maybe try tetris, or a similar spatial organization type games. might keep him busy for a while.

I'd try consulting a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, or some other sort of expert on the best way to handle an obsession like this one. This sort of obsession could definitely be a problem later on.

Thanks for the replies. And yes, he really is a cute little guy. I don't know what I would do without him.

You could try a web search with the terms "special interest" or "intense interest". If your son is autistic, it could be his way to "let off steam" if he is stressed by something you probably don't even know about. And no, he won't be able to tell you what stressed him in the first place. I still have trouble naming it – at age 37.

I don't see what the problem is.  My son is 8 and is exactly the same, he has had many such obsessions over the years, currently he is obsessed with lampposts and telephone wires, he also likes to draw them.  

Use his interests to communicate with him, counting ceiling tiles teaches him maths, that sort of thing.  He is most likely fascinated by patterns or how things work or are put together.

Children like this have so much potential, they are our future electricians, designers, architects etc.

Well He definetly likes to build things.  There is no doubt about that.  As Babykin (muh Babykin!) stated he loves to draw as well.

Hello. I too love to build things. When I was younger, it was just blocks and tangrams and that sort of thing, and I'd make them into patterns, and build structures. Now I have a hobby of making the models of cars. It is difficult because there are so many instructions, so many small parts (difficult to handle and glue). It helps me, I think, get better at fine motor stuff.

I like the suggestion of trying to use the interest to do things like teach math and communication. A lot of times, whether I am stressed particularly or am not particularly stressed, I will say, "Rosie". Rosie is the name of my dog.

My mom usually would ask, "What about Rosie?" and eventually, after repeating so many times, sometimes I start with "What about Rosie?" instead of just saying "Rosie". It's still not conversing in the usual way, but I am more comfortable to speak less abruptly when I do start conversation.

As for destructive things, I think it would be important to explore other ways to interact with the environment (including and especially the object of focus) in ways that are less invasive to property and other people. Depending on his verbal skills, you might ask what he finds fascinating about them.

You may not get much of an enlightening answer, even if he's eloquent, but I think it's worthwhile for kids to start thinking, "Hey, someday I might have to explain to other people my thoughts/perspective." And that's not a skill just useful to autistic people, but it is useful for everybody, as we all think differently, and all too often are used to thinking that our individual perspectives don't matter.

For me, if someone asks me something, and I'm not prepared with an answer to give (at least in words), then I'm likely going to just not respond. Maybe you can have some kind of signal he can give, to indicate that he hears you, but maybe needs more time to process it and/or think of an answer. For me, I learned to cock my head if I didn't understand, and to rub my chin if I was thinking of an answer.

There is something beautiful about square shapes, when you think about it.  Very balanced, very clean.  But when arranged in multiples they can be made to reasemble almost anything.  I remember a member of this forum once posting illustrations of the patterns he used to make visually upon brick walls, something he could stare at for hours as a child, dreaming up new patterns.

Does your son show interest in all square shapes, or is he mostly fascinated by the fact these items are or are not in a square shape?  Perhaps answering that will help find the key to what fascinates him about it:  the balance and aesthetic, or the "why."  Which could also lead to the key as to what ends up frustrating him about it.

I wonder if he may also be comparing the flat nature of a square tile to the cubical nature of a bulb?  Does asking him questions make things better or worse?

Overall, however, I think you are right to just go with the flow.  There is obviously some secret need or fascination these items fulfill, and trying to break it would probably just makes things harder for him.

Don't worry about his obsessive behaviour, although it must be very hard for you to understand especially when it about something as odd as ceiling tiles and light bulbs, it is extremely normal your sons behaviour and he will probably grow out of it (you should probably be more worried if he wasn’t obsessed with anything). I've had various obsessions, some lasting for years but most no longer take my interest (note the word most, some still do), or at least don't take it to such a degree as they used to so his interests won’t still stop at ceiling tiles and light bulbs when he is an adult, although it will probably be a while before his interests deviated far from what they currently are.
Also his interests in these subjects aren’t useless, it’s all developing his brain because he will be thinking a lot which he needs to do to them build his mind. Think of it like he’s practising being interested in something, although it has no use now that doesn’t mean it won’t have a use later in life, whether its still to do with ceiling tiles and light bulbs or on another subject, he won’t be able to fully grow mentally until he has exhausted his interest on this subject (which doesn’t happen quickly, sometimes never)
The best thing for you is to encourage his interest because as he gets older he will probably find other fascinating things for him to become obsessed about so you won’t need to feel guilty for encouraging such singular interests. Although it’s was good for you to try and get him into other things because it will make him a more rounded person and there is a lot of other interesting things in the world, it is best you don’t force other things onto him because its causing him stress and he isn’t ready to move onto another interest, he sees it as you distracting him from something really really important. He has plenty of other time to develop other interests so it doesn’t matter if ceiling tiles and light bulbs are all he cares about now.
To encourage his interests you could get him some books on what he likes, for example he might like a book filled with pictures of different light bulbs that he can then draw. A perfect place for your son to visit is the V&A museum; it’s filled with massive collections of things such as light bulbs. The only problem is its in London and you probably don’t live there, here is the website http://www.vam.ac.uk/collections/index.html which is filled with photographs of tonnes of objects.

I am confused by what you mean about square light bulbs, do you have square light bulbs or is it just what your son calls regular light bulbs?

In regards to him repeating the words and getting upset when you don’t repeat them back, this is him trying to share his interests with you, he most likely can’t understand how you can’t find it as interesting as you, or probably hasn’t realised that you aren’t interested it in. I used to get obsessed with saying phrases and it would upset me if the other person didn’t say what they were supposed to say because I would take it very personally, sort of like asking someone to play a game with you and then them refusing. I find it hard to share my interests with others so if I try it comes out in a very basic way, I can’t form the words to express what is inside my head, if will sometimes take me days and weeks to get the right words to describe something, also I don’t think the English language covers everything inside my mind which is why I find it difficult to explain myself fully. Also him repeating the phrases has become part of his daily routine and so he places importance on these words being said, he probably feels it has to happen otherwise other things won’t work which will be hard to understand fully but when I make plans I feel unable to do anything else if I hadn’t managed to do something I had planned to do such as watch a dvd at a certain time before then doing some revision for school. If I don’t watch the dvd at the set time then my plan hasn’t worked and I can’t cope, resulting in a meltdown. It makes very little sense but it’s just what happens.

As a final note, he is 5, therefore its perfectly normal for even nts to get obsessed with odd things. Let him enjoy himself while he is still not required to do too much. Because of the amount of work i have to do at school i can no longer spend hours doing things i love (like i shouldn't even be writting this at the moment) which is such a shame for me, also its very stressful for me to wean myself off everything i love to make time for work. So let him do what he loves while he still can.

Extra side note- my writting probably sounds critical of you but i am not, i just find it really hard to remember all the extra words that makes people not offended by things i say. I am also awful at giving complements which is why my writting might sound critical.

Mum said when I was little, I used to have a fascination with gates. I can also remember being fixated on light eg. going around the different rooms of the house of a morning and seeing the patterns the sunlight made when it shone through the ripple glass windows. I was also fascinated with gables and windows on houses and wishing wells in gardens.

Mum also tells me I got fixated about drawing birds when I was around two or three and I drew bird after bird with biro on any surface I could find including bed sheets, my skin and my clothes.

Most of these interests passed after a while and gave way to other things and I didn't usually talk much about them at the time.

Just about a fortnight ago, I met an autistic boy who is fixated on extra large clothes. He asks people who are big what size shirt they are wearing: "are you wearing a 2XL?" and when he meets people for the first time, he says "do you eat doughnuts?".

Moo, I know your post isn't to me, but I want you to know that I found it interesting.  You've provided a lot of potential insight into what might be going on inside an Aspie child's mind, and I personally find that valuable.

My son loves to build as well. We say he'll be an architect one day. He's really into tools and using them. He takes off with them all the time. He even helps put together furniture. He just loves it. He's only 4!

I think it might be an obsession that he grows out of. When I was his age I was obsessed with dinosaurs, triceratops in particular. I'd follow people from room to room talking about this one particular dinosaur especially, but usually I'd branch it out to other dinosaurs. I also found velociraptors fascinating too. Carnivores predominantly, with the obvious exception of triceratops.

I could never understand why people found tyrannosaurus rex so scary. I would have been far more scared of an allosaurus or a raptor.

I still find dinosaurs mildly interesting but its the 'cute' effect. I also memorised 'The Ugly Duckling' when I was about 2-3 and it was the only thing I would say to people. Apparently I would say "hello I know a story" and then recite the entire version I'd memorised. Then I would go back to talking in my own made up language, or ignoring people.

If your son is fascinated with lightbulbs then you may find he takes a keen interest in science involving electricity etc. Personally I would try and expand on that focus interest by introducing similar things that may also encourage him to broaden his horizons, so to speak. I don't have responsibility for an Aspie/autie child but thinking back on my own interests in childhood it may help.

Actually, your post was wonderful. It gave me some insight about him that I never even thought of. And now that I think about it I think you're right. He wants to share with me and wants me to be as facinated by these things as he is. I almost feel like a total dummy for not thinking about that before. Thank you so much!

Actually, thank you all for your comments. I would have responded sooner but I havent been spending much time on the computer lately in my free time, since I am on the computer all day long at my job and I just get sick of it.

I will drop by again soon and catch up on more things that I've missed.



Take care