Aspies For Freedom

Hello,

I just posted a similar thread in another Asperger forum.  My son is 8 (will be 9 on Monday), and has obsessions as well.  They usually last many months, and have gone from dinosaurs, to mythology, to presidents, to cars (this is his current obsession).

He often will ask the same questions, repeat the same info., or just interrupt conversation to speak about his interests.  His psychologist recommended we designate certain times of the day where he can speak about his obsessions.  The idea behind this was so he could open up his mind to other interests.  This hasn't worked.

I have found that many people disagree with any type of curbing when it comes to interests.  I do not see it as curbing or even trying to change my son, but more so trying to prep him for an NT world.

My point is, it is important that my son learn certain social skills. One being, conversation involves two people. Not in the sense that just one person talks and the other person listens..but more so, there is a give and take. When people have conversations they take turns speaking and listening. I also want him to understand that there are many things to talk about, besides the current obsession.

All of this is important not only now, but when he becomes an adult. This also comes into play when he is dealing with peers his own age. For example he could walk up to a friend and just talk and talk and talk, but not pick up on the social cue that his friend may want to get a word in, or perhaps talk about something else.

This isn't about me wanting to deprive my son of his interests, or change who he is as a person. I love him with all of my heart. This is about teaching him social skills that will benefit him throughout his life.

Your son sounds very similar to mine.  He's had an initial assessment by Speech and Language Therapists and we're waiting for our next appointment, but it won't be for 2 or 3 months.  I can understand why setting aside special times for him to talk about his interests wouldn't work.  My son's mind is constantly on the go, and he wouldn't be able to restrict that to certain times only - and I wouldn't want him to.

Give and take in conversation is a big one for me too, or rather understanding that I should be able to have a conversation with someone else without him butting in, or talking over me.  It's very difficult.  I only phone people when he's at school, or in bed - but he's constantly getting out of bed to talk to me so that's not really a goer either!

Last summer we spent a week with my sister-in-law, her partner and teenage son, and we all worked really hard on encouraging him to wait until it was his turn to speak.  We didn't make him wait for long and it seemed to be working a bit by the end of the week, but when we came home other adults in his life didn't keep up the good work and we were back where we started again.

I'm hoping the SLTs will be able to suggest ways of dealing with it and maybe also that his father and my parents will be more co-operative from now on in encouraging him to wait his turn to speak.  I don't want to stifle his interests and I love hearing what he has to say - but not all the time!!

that's exactly how i feel!!! lol

I just had kind of a breakthrough regarding how to "converse" with my daughter when she's obsessing. The proper etiquette is apparently to listen to her talk non-stop about her interest (currently My Little Pony, including its history and collectibles market as well as her own customized made up pony designs) for like ten minutes and then respond with a few minutes about an intense interest of my own. She likes this better even than me trying to get enthusiastic about the actual ponies. She can smell fake enthusiasm from miles away. But me sharing shows her that I know how important her interest is and am sharing something of equal importance. Kind of like saying "I love you too" I guess.