I'm 18. I don't know if I count as a teen, but I'm still in high school.
For some reason, I hated myself for being an AS. I look at normal kids talking and playing football and games together. You look ar yourself and you have no one to be with. Have you ever dreamed of being them, just like them? Or would you rather be an aspie. I wanted to be like them for a change.
I have a question.
What's the difference between and Aspie teen and a NT teen? What about Adults?
Is it better to be an aspie?
ATM: Strangely enough, I was an "Aspie" teen without knowing it. I knew that I was not Neuro-typical. However, I did not know, or ever suspect, that I had any form of Autism. Therefore, my experiences might be interesting to you.
I had all of either regular, or else Honors classes. However, I had a strange disconnect with the social scene, in and out of the classroom. I was intelligent, but I eventually pursued my own interests at the expense of the curriculum. I studied Physics, but the Physics I was interested in, not always the Physics that Mr. ----- wanted to study. Mr. ----- was an odd person too, possibly being on the Spectrum. That is another story.
I never had more than one of two close personal friends. I never had a problem hiking alone, or in keeping my own company. Naturally, I read Thoreau and Emerson. What individualistic teenager or college student doesn't? I enjoyed natural settings much more than I enjoyed social settings. I still retain this preference today.
I read constantly. I hiked constantly. And, I would ramble on and on about my interests with whomever would listen. I was known to be intelligent, even by my detractors. I once high-jacked my way on to the bus leaving for a field trip with another science class. I am almost being literal when I said, "high-jacked." I went on three class field trips with this other teacher, never thinking it strange that I was high-jacking his class. I was never short of an opinion during history or government classes. Talking about CIA coups against democratically elected governments in Latin America during my government class was probably a little daring in the late eighties, when such things were barely acknowledged. Yet, just a few years ago Colin Powell apologized to the people of Chile for our involvement in bringing Pinochet to power...
Why do I share all of this? I share this because I never suffered a learning disability, and I was therefore never classified as Autistic under the old diagnosis criteria. I did have some of the traits of Autism, and yet I was never "diagnosed." Now, that was a good thing in that I did not need to be "cured," "fixed," or, horror of horrors, segregated in a Special Education class that would never have suited me. High standards were expected of me, and I expected them of myself. I was never made to feel inferior, nor was my "inappropriate behavior" monitored by a bunch of Behavioral Specialists with worst problems than I had.
However, what about the cool Behavioral Specialists, the ones who care more about what is on the inside than in external behaviors? What about the counselors who do more than just go in to a classroom and yell at the students to do their work? There is a "plus" side to the services provided those with Autism, or some kind of special need. How positive a student's experiences are depends on the people providing the service. And, to be frank, how well such services are rendered depends on the operative philosophies of those rendering them. Do they expect great things from their students? Do they expect them to triumph, in spite of their difficulties? And, very importantly, do they assume "mental retardation" every time that a student comes to see them? Their underlying assumptions make a difference as to whether their students get proper mainstreaming with assistance, as opposed to Apartheid education.
I would have benefited from some kind of services. These would not have been Special Education services. However, I would have benefited from something. I cannot really define what that would have been. Perhaps the best term might be "self-knowledge." I would have benefited from a certain inner peace. Such assurances might have saved me a lot of travails that came in my adult life. As it is, my years have been long, and less than satisfying. They have become better now that I have self-knowledge, and an understanding of where I am, of who I am.
My answer to the question raised above is as such; what is better depends on the degree of self-knowledge and wisdom you possess. If you want a "diagnosis" in order to fix yourself, to become either like a Neurto-typical, or like other Autistics in some sort of social circle, you will not be happy. Your disabilities will be amplified. You will be a "boy by the window." However, if you refuse to internalize the perceptions of you given by society, you will actually be happier. The paradox is that you *DO* need some of the labels of society. I once rejected these, to my detriment, being a bit *too* individualistic in that respect. Yet, you must use these labels for self-knowledge, whereas society will often use them to box you in. There is a thin line here, one which you must tread very carefully.
And, this thin line gets me to the real point of telling you about my adolescence. It was better that I did not know that I was Autistic in one sense. I had more freedom of latitude in a time that was not accepting. The late eighties were not accepting of neurological differences. Yet, at the same time, if someone had explained to me what the Spectrum was, from the perspective that most people here understand it decades later, I would have listened. Self-knowledge would have modified some of the self-destructive behaviors that did not serve me well. It would have meant that I could walk the thin line between proper self-understanding, using labels that are diagnostic in origin, while avoiding living a diagnostic existence, in which one is defined by the opinions of experts.
I think that I could have done this then. It is too late to do so now as a teenager. I have to start later in life. However, some of you who are teenagers can get started. Perhaps you never thought of it this way before. Find what works for you. My experience is my own. You will find your way. I think that you can do it. Many blessings to you. I hope that I have answered the question posed.
All the best.
