Aspies For Freedom

Another thread about revealing your autism at work made me think of something I'd like to talk about.  The members of my family who believe my diagnosis (but only after much explanation about me, as well as how autism doesn't have one general "look") are now pressuring me to "take what you can from the diagnosis, learn from it, make changes, and better yourself".  They caution me not to allow my autism to be a crutch.  Well, what if I want it to be one?  Is that so bad?  Why must we "defeat" what makes us different and fit in??

I see.  I guess what I hear people telling me is "don't let autism limit you".  But it does, and I'm okay with that.  Maybe that's just where I am right now... I have spent most of my short life trying to fit in, and now feel that I have a license to breathe easy, so to speak.  What I mean is, I feel that my autism has helped my exclude what I don't want in my life--like social rules (for example, asking people how they are when in fact you don't want to know), expected accomplishments (kids, a house, etc.).  I am rambling...my point is, I feel that I am expected to grab life and live it to the fullest, when really I'm content with living a quiet life, working at the job I like, watching Seinfeld or Stargate with my husband, reading, that kind of stuff.

That's so true--I guess the problem is that others cannot except our version of living.  Or so that's been my experience with the NT's in my life.  One person invites me out a lot, and I often say no because my "social quota" for the day has been filled, and then she grumbles and guilts me about it.
My self esteem went up too with my diagnosis; I also noticed my depression lifting a great deal.

I totally agree with what you see here... though I think some of the other stuff you said may have been a bit "over-assuming" of aprilbaker's experience.  (Not as a criticism, though!)  Just trying to give my opinion while remaining neutral, if I can.

Everyone I've encountered with AS online, and the few I've observed in real life, has different levels of different deficits.  One without severe executive dysfunction, for example, can't really suggest that someone with the deficit isn't trying... but such is often the case, because I notice a great tendency among Aspies to assume THEIR version of Asperger's is much the same as another's (same struggles, same academic giftedness, etc.)

I suppose too much avoidance of difficult things is a problem, but then again don't forget how hard it is for some Aspies to maintain self-esteem and confidence, with all the misunderstandings and social exclusion they face.

Correction in red

I'm basically giving up nowadays, not because of "autism", but because I always seem to fail accomplishing simple expectations in relation to school, along with that my special interests are way more difficult to engage in.

My life seem to have been spinning in evil circles for too long now, I just wont take it anymore. So I basically just block out thoughts about what I'm supposed to do to be free of this apparently endless torment for a small break.

It kind of seems like self-destructivity, but it is really more of the opposite.

My experience is somewhat like Elventaosist. I didn't find out until much later, and throughout my life I was treated as a child who was a huge brat who wouldn't behave.

Now though, I have read many books on AS and Autism and have actually carefully inspected myself for the limitations I have and try to greatly improve them.

I also have a golden rule for myself, and that is to never use AS as an excuse or to get out of something. I refuse to say I am disabled, and I expect to be treated like everybody else, regardless of circumstances. If I were to say, get in a fight and hit the other person over a comment, the words, "well because I am Aut.. it leads to..." will never come out of my mouth. I'm very harsh on this, especially to the amazement of my parents.

I just don't like it if people go, "Well I just don't want to go the party because I'm AS and there's people there to talk to and it bothers me. I just can't do it." or "I'm sorry I assaulted him officer, if it weren't for autism and over reacting sometimes, I wouldn't of done it." Doing so makes you rely on it for everything.

Those are just my views, but I am brutally harsh on myself to not use it as any form of excuse no matter what.

Also, I'd like to add that I feel, and what this site represents, is that we are a neurodiverse movement etc. and so to achieve this we should want to be treated like anybody else, since that is what this site is all about. Using Autism as a crutch seems like opposition to this site's views and what we here strive for, since it is about showing others we are just like them and in some ways better. We are all human, after all.

Well. Okay -- my two cents worth (which may just be worth that... two cents)

People need to distinguish between what is "bettering yourself" and what is simply "fitting in" for the sake of it.

The former, I will go for -- always strive to be a better person and honour your own principles.

The latter, anyone who tells me to do things just to fit in can get stuffed. Rather blunt, I know. But true.

My problem is, I don't always know how to distinguish between the two!

The simplest way to think of it is this - If you're improving your ability to do things you want to do, that's bettering yourself.

If you're focusing on things that you aren't interested in, but other people want you to do - that's fitting in.

Ahhhh.  That makes sense!  Thanks for the advice.  
I suspect I've been doing a bit of both--I'm certainly feeling the pressure of others wanting me to do things that I don't want to do or that I'm uncomfortable doing.  They always frame it in the context of trying to "help" me...

Yeah, I think that's the best way to put it.  As far as using it as a crutch, I wouldn't tell anyone I'm not going to a social gathering because of my AS.  I only found out about AS at age 25 (now 26), and my whole life has a history of not bothering with a lot of this heavy "social stuff," because quite simply I do not feel I belong and it's really not in my nature.  If that wasn't a crutch before I discovered AS (and I don't think it is), I don't see why it would be now.

I'm curious about how that is reconciled with seeking special accomodations in school or the workplace

Very well put!