Aspies For Freedom

Have any of you thought that your parents are stubborn and you want to prove them that you are capable of doing things on your own?

In my case, the answer is yes, especially with the driving issue. Before, my mom did allowed me to drive (before the diagnoise) and with the diagnoise, she hasn't. (A little info, currently with living with parents before heading off to grad school and I currently do not have a car nor the money to buy one at this time.) I did gave her a letter pointing out my reasonings for it and I am not sure if I am going to ask the question : "How come you did let me drive before my diagnoise and with it, you won't?"

Definitely can't see why a diagnosis makes you less capable of driving a car.

Is it because of insurance?

My dad was, he would not let me drive to the day he died.

But after Mom died, well, I have to say alcohol-dependent Mom and retreatist-stubborn Dad are better than having them both dead.  (snif).

I pre-emptively thank you for your condolences, but just think about that one, what if you were alone or only had your siblings?

Every parent has strengths and weaknesses.

Mom:

Strengths:  Intelligence, academic capacity and ability and focus, intense desire to become a mother of two (to three, but settled for two, as the pregnancies required confinement to bed) children, had been an excellent legal secretary when employed before children, after Dad's death remained upbeat, socialable, charitable (to family friends and neighbors, even when neighbors were out of line), and both of us were mutually supporting in ways we could help.  Lifelong advocate of race and civil rights.  Briefly a member of MENSA (therefore, certifiably a genius).  Worked through college and sent money back home.

Weakness:  May have been unhappy giving up the career, may have been unhappy with Dad's long hours, may have been unhappy at home with kids for long periods, long history of alcohol dependence, escalated badly after death of her mother
At least my brother and I are employed as Web designers.

Dad:

Strengths: Not to suggest he was some major mega financial genius that sells books and tapes, but applied simple financial strategies consistently over the long term successfully.  With Mom's added income they bought a first home then moved several times during their marriage.  

While building up retirement assets, seized an opportunity to buy two acres of WV mountain property on the banks of Cherry Run on the Berkeley-Morgan county line- a nail biter, as Mom's fifth pregnancy did not end in a miscarriage, it was me.  Property, in addition to vacation home pre-retirement, automatically became the place to go for retirement, nicely situated in a neighboring state with favorable tax, crime, cost of living, and traffic compared to Maryland, and situated under 25 miles from a state college with a tight admissions policy (present-day Shepherd University).

Suspected Aspie/OCD.  Favorable traits included honesty (notably, returning excess change, and also checking grocery store receipts to see if he was overcharged), patriotism, civic-mindedness, obedience to the law (notably, the speed limit).  Saving money is always a good thing.  Bought and sold books and records especially those collectable items.

Weaknesses:  Suspected depression.  Refused medical treatment for late stage bone cancer and chose hospice care to die comfortably at home.  Worked late at office.  Tried to avoid informal contacts with neighbors, retired deliberately to an undersettled rural location.  Overcontrolling, refused to let me drive to prevent me from making mistakes/accidents to raise his insurance.  Even when correct about certain matters (majoring in computers vs. sociology) seemed like a jerk about it.  Poor rapport building in times when I had a personal crisis, perception that he did not seem to care.

I do not put my parents on the same list as the parents who molest their own children.  
Creeps.

We have spanked our children, but that is all.
I have never seen Dad hit Mom.
Dad could verbally abuse a good one, all of us to tears at one time or another.

After my Mom died my aunt said Mom's trip to see her in 1993 was a trial separation, but Dad's diagnosis of cancer brought her back up there.  Their marriage lasted until he died.  

I hope I am a better husband than he was.

They need to come to terms with who you really are, still the same person after diagnosis.

Ah, that's why I think it would have been better had you lived at home while you did your course.

I am not sure because of the insurance. I am over the age of 25.

I don't know why either. I believe that my mom knows that I am capable of driving a car but she is in denial about it.

The only thing that my mom complained about my CDs is that she thinks that I have too many of them. I got rid of most of my CDs and currently uploading them on my computer and selling them for cash. I do like music a lot. My mom may not like my taste of music, but at least she respects it.

Aren't there abit of copyrights issues with selling the CD's for cash?

... bah, sorry I shouldn't bother.

There is no copyright issues with selling CDs for cash. I am selling my used CDs for extra cash. When I first bought them, the artists received their share of the money. Selling used CDs is like selling items that you no longer want.

Have you considered one or both of your parents could have been on the autistic spectrum themselves? This is quite likely why they made the types of mistakes you speak of. No doubt they did the best they could given their personal limitations, to bring you and your brother up to be good citizens.

It seems to me that the ghosts of your parents haunt you still and that somehow you have to free yourself from the shackles of their attitudes and work out your own.

This doesn't mean disrepecting their memory; just becoming your own person and forming your own views about life. I also don't think there is a single definitive view of Christianity. As the old saying goes, there are many paths up the mountain. I think Little River Band had a song of the same name back in the late 1970's.

My parents were generally great. There was the odd issue, but compared to the horror stories I've read across the forums they were nothing. They accepted me as me - and that's the way it should be in a truly loving household.