My wife has told me that she had cyber sex with another man. We have been married for 9 years. She said that it is not cheating talking about sex or feelings for another. I think that it is unfaithful and dis loyal to me.
They have spoken about turning each other on and winding each other up talking about sex and sex dreams. I have told her to move out, am I being unfair? Sorry I am new to this but feel like no one understands me, feel different to everyone else maybe I am unfair. She said my aut is making me see this unclearly. Is it dis loyal? Be please with your views.
No, you're not overreacting, Brown Beard. It is cheating and has resulted in as much of a rift as if she had actually met this man in person.
She probably knows deep down she has made a mistake and is being defensive as a result.
No, I don't think you are being unfair at all but I wonder if it is worth asking her why she felt she had to do it.
Isn't it just a bit like using porn, but a bit more interactive?
Sweeping gender-based generalisation alert here but: How would the males on this forum feel if all the women threw them out because they looked at Playboy or watched a blue movie whatever and used that as a masturbation aid?
While admittedly cyber-sex is a bit more interactive, it's not necessarily infidelity.
I guess it depends...
I'm sorry, brown beard, but Sarah is right. Unless your wife is devastated at the thought of losing you, voluntarily suggests that she will give up chatrooms, and says truthfully that she is ashamed at what she did - and you feel you can believe her - then it is over.
If she DOES do all of the above of her own accord then your relationship might have a chance. Trust can be re-built if both parties work at it. You would have to ask yourself why she felt so alienated from you that she was tempted in the first place. She would have to ask herself why she wanted to take the dangerous route of a cyber relationship rather than talking to you openly about what was troubling her.
It is important to you both that she realise that hinting at problems doesn't work. No man is a mind-reader, and an autistic one isn't a body-language reader either.
I hope you two can work things out, just as I hoped that Sarah's relationship would recover, just as I have known relationships to recover from infidelity of any kind but sometimes the relationship is doomed long before any infidelity takes place. Then the infidelity isn't the cause of the split but an indication that, in the mind of the cheater, the relationship is already over.
She'd have to cut off all contact with this other guy.
Perhaps he meant that there are children...
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
Read this and I bet you'll get the picture.
My wife has told me that she had cyber sex with another man. We have been married for 9 years. She said that it is not cheating talking about sex or feelings for another. I think that it is unfaithful and dis loyal to me. They have spoken about turning each other on and winding each other up talking about sex and sex dreams. I have told her to move out, am I being unfair? Sorry I am new to this but feel like no one understands me, feel different to everyone else maybe I am unfair. She said my aut is making me see this unclearly. Is it dis loyal? Be please with your views.
In my eyes, cybersex IS cheating. She may not be having physical relations with this person, but she is still doing something immoral, no doubt about it. As for asking her to move out, I don't find it unfair. If MY (hypothetic) wife was having cybersex, I'd show her the door because she is messing around outside our relation and violating a sacred trust between husband and wife.
No, your Autism has nothing to do with how you are perceiving this situation. I'm sure many neurotypicals who aren't morally corrupt would agree with what you did.
A single friend of mine has been flurting with a married guy on this site and yes they have discussed sex. I have told her not to get involved but has taken no notice of me. Thanks to a very kind lady I know here I now have his address. I have print outs of what she has shown me that they have both written this was posted at the weekend for his wife. she should know as I doubt that he has told her. I know that I am probably in the wrong but after reading your stories I really felt for her. I know I am wrong.
Well, I guess everyone will take notice of you now.
I'm a little worried this post relates to me.
I got into a conversation with someone that started turning into cybersex….
But I told the lady in question that we should stop talking about sex because I was married etc.
And now we are just friends...
But there's a lot of stuff we spoke about that could really damage my relationship if even my wife were to read it. I already told my wife part of what happened...
I know there are people on AFF who have my address; I really hope this doesn't relate to me.
The worse thing is (if it is me)--I was the one who stopped it.
Although I did let it go too far--I behaved honourable…
But there were enough messages sent to make my wife think there was more going on.
I've never been so worried in my life.
It makes little difference whether or not I stopped it…
A few messages read out of context is all it would take.
The suspicion of infidelity is enough to get me hung.
Just in case this does relate to me; I’ve now told my wife everything--and although she’s not happy its not going to come between us.
Well, I notice this K T seems not to have come back so it was probably someone's idea of a sick joke...
yes, it was probably a sick joke...
I’ve never given my address to anyone I don’t trust.
I guess the guilt I felt about the situation made me a little paranoid.
At least now its all out in the open…
And I don’t have to worry about what’s coming through the door.
Just in case this does relate to me; I’ve now told my wife everything--and although she’s not happy its not going to come between us.
This is the best news quickduck.
the internet can be a very nasty place.
Wishing you and your wife many happpy days together - ahead.
You don't post much anymore - I miss you and your arty posts!!
Take care.
I'm with ericc on this one, because brown beard's wife didn't ask for his consent. When a married/committed person decides, without the full consent of their spouse, to indulge in sexual fantasy with another person there will inevitably be hurt feelings. (By 'spouse' in this post, I mean the other party in the real-life relationship of course)
Of course, if the non-participating spouse finds the whole thing amusing, then there is no problem.
If the participating spouse admits fully what they have been doing, before or after discovery by whatever means (and discovery is almost inevitable) and agrees to abide by the bounderies set by the non-participating spouse, then the real-life relationship has a chance of being saved.
If, however, the participating spouse puts the blame on the non-participating one or otherwise refuses to consider their spouse's feelings on the matter then the real-life relationship is doomed; and was probably doomed even before the moment the cyber-sex took place. Indeed, the cyber-sex in that case is possibly an indication that the participant had already 'divorced' their partner; in their mind, at least.
Bear in mind that perfectly innocent friendships can occur on-line; not every friendship should be suspect!
However, once sex comes into the friendship the tone of that friendship has changed and can very easily be construed as infidelity. There is a very good reason for the 'forsaking all others' clause in the marriage vows; and that clause is implicit in other kinds of real-life committed relationships too.
Again, I am not condemning on-line friendships, even if they turn into real-life ones. Only those that exclude the real-life spouse and/or cause them misery or hurt.
If I found my husband indulging in just such a computer relationship I would most likely smash the monitir over his head!