My wife has told me that she had cyber sex with another man. We have been married for 9 years. She said that it is not cheating talking about sex or feelings for another. I think that it is unfaithful and dis loyal to me. They have spoken about turning each other on and winding each other up talking about sex and sex dreams. I have told her to move out, am I being unfair? Sorry I am new to this but feel like no one understands me, feel different to everyone else maybe I am unfair. She said my aut is making me see this unclearly. Is it dis loyal? Be please with your views.
Not at all. I personally don't think cybersex is a big deal, but regardless of that, her not running the idea past you first is a big deal.
The fact that she blamed your feelings on your autism also bugged me - your feelings are genuine, and she shouldn't have dismissed them.
Is the Pope Catholic?
Emotionally unfaithful at least, and a thoughtful person would at least put a rubber cover over the keyboard in consideration of others.
Artemis, try Wikipedia, but methinks it is probably some sort of self-abuse with the social interaction over the Internet.
Isn't it just a bit like using porn, but a bit more interactive?
Not really - there's real emotion involved in cybersex. I think it's one of those things where you have to decide how serious it is based on the situation.
Oops! This post was by me - I hadn't realised Bella was still logged in. I've been doing that a bit lately... *sheepish grin*
Okay, so almost everyone here knows what's going on in my life, but brownbeard- THIS IS A WAKEUP CALL.
1. She's looking elsewhere.
2. She doesn't seem to care about your feelings/thoughts/morals.
3. She's having ANY kind of affair with someone else.
4. She insinuates on any level that he is better than you or that you were not enough of anything.
Not trying to be harsh here... but it sounds like its over. Having just been through a similar situation, I REALLY wish someone had been able to get this through my denial-thick skull... but you don't realy want to stay with someone who is willing to do all of that- to hurt you... and then not seem to care to much when you confront her.
Maybe I'm reading a whole lot into this... For all intensive purposes, ask her what she wants, trust your gut if she says, "I want to work this out" but you know that it means, "I want to make my cake and eat it too.". Guard your heart. If you think she genuinely wants to be committed to you in the relationship and really truly wants to make things work and get some counseling- go for it.
I got the 'You're an aspie so you're overreacting/misunderstanding" bit too. It hurts- AND ITS COMPLETELY WRONG. Being an aspie/autie changes nothing about what they did. Don't allow yourself to believe it, that is a dark road and it seems like you are a genuine, good person and YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Don't continue to be used. Cut your losses and find someone who can be a human being and treat you like a human being.
{yes, I'm still angry}
Yikes. My two cents is: if you have a child, there is something much larger at stake. Cybersex is emotional, but it is not physical. (DUH) As long as she has not physically cheated on you, I feel there may be hope. This can just be a wake up call. Hello, Aspie partner, all is not well. I have been there. I am sort of still there, but feel progress has been made. I have an almost five year old Aspie daughter, and I want her to have her two original parents. I am definitely willing to, so to speak, swallow my pride on her account, if we can maintain an at least somewhat cordial relationship within which to raise her. If not, then not. If so, then, great. That is for you to decide. I personally think that cybersex is serious, but not nearly as serious as physical infidelity. I think innocent flirting is a harmless diversion, but I only do it in real life, not online.
There was a programme on about this sort of thing on wednesday night called "Virtual Adultery and Cyberspace Love" (UK) It featured a married american woman who travelled to the UK to meet the real man behind the avatar she had been having an online affair with in Second Life. She spent 14 hours a day on the computer!!!! Her husband was devoted to her, did all the cooking, cleaning, looked after their 4 kids and kept hoping she would come to her senses.
The ironic thing was that her husband was lovely and far better looking than her online lover, who, once he met her in the flesh wasn't that taken with her at all, so she had to go back to her husband. She should have been on her hands and knees begging for his forgiveness IMO.
It seemed to me that people become disillusioned with the drudgery of their lives so talking to strangers on the internet is a way of escape, it is exciting and makes them feel alive again, so becomes very addictive. It's great -- if you are single.
I hope things work out for you guys.
I am sorry that you have gone through the same. I hope that things are now on the up for you. I just cant give up on her but my brain says how can I trust her. Its so confusing. Dont understand why she did it and how she can say she loves me.
I KNOW how hard that is... just last week I sent my hubby an invitation to an online marriage counselor thinking that maybe this time away would have helped him to see the truth. Nope. Instead he told me how he's having sex with his now girlfriend (and that it started less than a month after he left us.) AND that he is so in love with her that he's planning on moving her out to where we are now living (far away) So yes, I KNOW how hard it is to let go of someone you love.
But if she doesn't give you any choices, if she doesn't want things to change... you HAVE to face that reality and do what's right for you and your son. If she offers to change use your eyes (now that they are open) and see if she's sincere, if she is, go to counseling, work it out. BUT- if its over and you can see it for what it really is, you have to do what's right.
Talk to her about all this, if you haven't already. I know my posts were very unclear through my 'discovery' phase in this...
I'm sure your a great guy and you don't deserve this crap any more than I did. But you have to protect yourself- emotionally, financially, mentall, physically... and your son from this...
Good Luck.
A single friend of mine has been flurting with a married guy on this site and yes they have discussed sex. I have told her not to get involved but has taken no notice of me. Thanks to a very kind lady I know here I now have his address. I have print outs of what she has shown me that they have both written this was posted at the weekend for his wife. she should know as I doubt that he has told her. I know that I am probably in the wrong but after reading your stories I really felt for her. I know I am wrong.
Well, I guess everyone will take notice of you now.
Quickduck, the previous poster and 'the kind lady she knows' are interfering in someone else's personal business.
Not entirely sure of the real motives, either.
I am worried for you that this will cause you and your relationship harm if this pertains to you!
One can hope that whoever the 'kind' lady is who provided your address- or the one who actually sent the print outs will let you know if they mean you or not.
A single friend of mine has been flurting with a married guy on this site and yes they have discussed sex. I have told her not to get involved but has taken no notice of me. Thanks to a very kind lady I know here I now have his address. I have print outs of what she has shown me that they have both written this was posted at the weekend for his wife. she should know as I doubt that he has told her. I know that I am probably in the wrong but after reading your stories I really felt for her. I know I am wrong.
Typical poison pen letter..., they are almost invariably written by 'a concerned friend'.
I doubt that any of it is true.
If K...T is telling the truth, it has joined the forum specifically to make these obscure & cruel allegations.
This K...T whose time zone places it in the UK, is a friend indeed, it has either stolen or been given these print outs of private conversations, has somehow it says has managed to obtain the address of the victims via this forum from a ' very nice lady it knows'.... hmm a few 'nice people' mentioned in the post.! ....ALL doing evil !!!
If the recipient of this information goes to the police they, Royal Mail and the ISP providers involved will work together to find all who have been complicit in all of this.
A night or two in Police custody will remove the wish to preserve the anonymity of any who aided & abetted K...T.
K...T Read again.
http://www.wiredsafety.org/gb/stalking/
Might be a change for you & the nice lady to be the ones who are worried!
I would also report this to one of the admin/mods (sorry EvilZ I've been giving you more work!) so that they can block the IP or something of K...T.
No prob - I've been puzzling over if or how I can do anything. Quickduck's a huge asset to the site, and it would be a shame to see him vanish over the antics of an unconscionable stalker...
Quickduck, Hello my friend.
Do you mean that your wife's friend 'set you up'?
I don't completely understand the situation... it sounds a bit tangled... and of course it is your personal business..
I do remember Max the Bear describing "quickduck's humanity'. So true. You add much to this forum, and you would be very missed here. You already are! Thinking about you. Take care...
Quickduck, Hello my friend.
Do you mean that your wife's friend 'set you up'?
I don't completely understand the situation... it sounds a bit tangled... and of course it is your personal business..
I do remember Max the Bear describing "quickduck's humanity'. So true. You add much to this forum, and you would be very missed here. You already are! Thinking about you. Take care...
Yeah, with friends like that, who needs enemies? I hope his wife has had the sense to dump this so-called friend (and I wonder how this woman "knew" about the cyber conversations?).
Thinking about it a bit more, it seems to me like a real "set-up". I believe the person who has acted the worst in this whole debacle is the "dobber" who should have minded her own business.