Aspies For Freedom

One very important thing I suggest is to explain things to him and give him warning when changes/transitions have to be made. Most of dislike unexplained and sudden changes or not knowing why we are told to do or not things.

I think there's some misunderstanding.

Interventions such as those that are described elsewhere will not 'cure' autism.

By 'cure', most autism organisations and charities mean funding research into finding the gene, offering pre-natal testing and termination.  That's not really a 'cure' that's eugenics, that's the prospect of trying to wipe autistics off the face of the planet.  Maybe I just speak for myself here, but I think that's what a lot of autistics object to.

Personally speaking, I don't have a problem with interventions -- insofar as they take account of the autistic perspective, they seek to both ways, i.e. to help autistics work out how the NeuroTypical (NT) world works (and sometimes adapt to it) and to help NTs understand how the autistic world works (and sometimes adapt to it, by being understanding, tolerant, patient and compassionate).

I think there are lots of things that can be done bearing this two-way process in mind, to help your family as a whole (it's not just the child who needs help, his mother and you and the extended family need help to understand him and the way his mind works and how to get take advantage of his gifts and how to counter the disadvantages).

I do object to interventions that, to my mind, are cruel, such as electro-shock treatments and other aversions that would, if applied to NT children, amount to torture and cruelty and would result in the intervention of protective child services.

Welcome Firefighter

Nothing wrong with interventions.  Some turn out to be really great in helping AS to cope, adapt, and/or even develop. Nothing wrong with any of that at all.

... dont be afraid to use his passions to help him learn and grow.

I think you'll find the AS insights here real useful.

Best of luck to you..... your life will never be boring.

MomofHrick

pssvr - can I ask - what was / is  the negative treatment you speak of? You don't have to answer (of course).

Welcome firefighter!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah - my son put up with that kind of crap as well - it broke him. People can be so cruel.

1. the MOST important thing is to love your son just who he is right now unconditionally - and enjoy his company

2. Early intervention with skilled professionals is great

3. Autism is developmental, which means that maturaty helps.  Like the finest wines, he will (especially if home follows through with early intervention plan) improve with age.

It appears you can chck all three items off you list...so give each other a big hug!!

Waht everyone else said, and

WELCOME
to AFF!

Hello firefighter,

Welcome to AFF... just wanted to say that its really, really good to see someone who is willing to adapt and educate themselves about the spectrum when taking on the responsibilities of being a step-parent. That sounds like a really lucky kid, and the makings of a good stepdad

The best thing I can say is let him explore all his interests, I had lots of obscure ones as a kid that my family tried to keep hidden as they weren't 'feminine' (I was obsessed with dinosaurs for years, and when I was younger than that I had a fascination with cars), so if something interests him, let him explore it. They do say that an Aspergian who makes a career out of their special interest(s) will do the best, most informed, fullest job possible, so go for it and never make him feel like he has to change to suit you. He'll get that enough when he's older from his peer group... so always let him know that he has a safe home to come to where his parents love him unconditionally.

We're not really all that different, we just need a little extra confidence and encouragement

Wow ocampo, I was a car nut as a child, too!

Luckily for me, so was my Aspie dad, so he would take me for walks around our bit of London and teach me to recognise the make and model of all the cars. Apparently I could name every single one by the age of two!

Mind you, this WAS the fifties, when cars didn't all look like identical jelly moulds. In those days, cars were designed by people, not wind tunnels!

I have loved joining in the various obsessions of my kids. I now know quite a lot about some rather obscure interests (axolotls anyone?)

Tigger, I had to look them up....

Even though most axolotls stay under water and keep their gills for the rest of their lives, only rarely will a pet shop worker be aware of this fact. This is because tiger salamanders are generally more common in pet shops than axolotls (in the United States, at least) and salamanders are often shipped to the stores while they are still young, in their larval form.

The animals either die or are sold long before the folks at the pet shop have enough time to realize that some of these weird looking beasts

Hi,

I've recently joined this forum for very similar reasons to you. I have an 8 yr old son with AS and two NT step daughters so I can relate to some of what you're experiencing both with learning about AS and being a step parent! I'm fairly new to all this so I may not be the best person to offer advise, but I thought I'd share a couple of things I've found really helpful.

Firstly I wanted to echo the other comments about lots of advance warning about stuff and sticking to routines wherever possible. I've also found if I can make things visible then they work even better. My son has a calender in his room with everything that's happening on it so he can see it coming (for a 5 yr old you could use pictures instead of words). Also he has a little list of things to do in the morning (get up, wash face, eat breakfast, pack school bag etc.) so that he can tick each one off when he's done it, it's really helped him to feel more independant rather than relying on me to tell him what to do next - and it's lovely to see how proud he is of himself when he does it all. Finally I'd say never underestimate the power of stickers!! kids love them and sticker charts can be great way of showing them all the stuff that they are getting right rather than focusing on the stuff that they find hard... I've linked the stickers into his 'special interest' (yu-gi-oh/duelmaster cards!) which makes it even more powerful.

I'm sure lots of others on here have a tonne of hint and tips for you and I look forward to learning alongside you.

Tigger will give you the "big letter welcome" but here's your 'little letter' one:  
  
   Welome!

Just wanted to say welcome to you both

Breeze & Babykin,
It is a pleasure to meet two really terrific moms!!  Your sons are very lucky.  It sounds like you've got some great eary intervention programs going.  You'll be so amazed at the progress your boys will make through the years as a result of your current efforts.
best wishes!!

*S*