Aspies For Freedom

I'm starting to reconize that some Aspies still have the inner child or child at heart still with them..........Like me. But it seems like it so rare to see that in this serious boring world of ours. I'm starting to learn the basics on going into adulthood and living on my own, those kind of skills. But sometimes I worry that someone wants to get rid of my inner child. I love people with a strong imagionation, leadership and a strong inner child. People who like to joke around, people who are playful, people who are not afriad to be foolish in front of other people. That takes guts, strong guts and I love people for that.

But like I said, it seems like people are Anti-Fun and whatnot. Don't you agree?

I believed in a magical underground place called "Fiction World", where the characters in every story that has ever been told live, until I was thirteen. When I finally realized that I just couldn't believe anymore, I cried all night. Even months afterwards, I still felt little pangs knowing that I couldn't be the little eight-year-old girl who believed in those things anymore.

I also felt as though, yes, people were trying to force me to grow up too fast. People would be very judgmental of me for clinging so hard to childhood ideas, or call me naive and laugh at me (even adults). It was very stressful.

I still feel bitter over that sometimes. Sometimes I think that if people hadn't pushed so hard, I wouldn't have had to stop believing before I was ready.

I try not to hate neurotypicals, but sometimes they make it very hard.

I AM a child

I'm currently reading my book on the Inner Child theropy. It says that there's two kinds of people. Inner Child and Inner Adult. The Inner Child is responsible for being fun, spontaneous, creative and all emotions. While the Inner Adult is the choice maker and the one who's responsible for giving love to the Inner Child making Self-confadence. But there are times when the two get disconnected because the Inner Adult abandons the Inner Child so they can hide their emotions or guilt. Then pretty soon, it equals to depression. Where the Inner Child doesn't have anyone to love. So it despiratly becomes needy for relationships or things (food, drugs, TV, etc.) so It would feel empty, scared or unloved. But the man thing is in order to get a relationship or get people attracted to you is to love yourself.

I just got through the dark stuff, now I'm heading to the healing process. I wished that I read this along time ago, It would have saved me from some rough experiances back there.

That's an... interesting theory.

I feel that there's two Inner child theories. The inner joy theory in which I had already previously discussed and the other is the love for wild wacky fun for your own enjoyment. Sometimes it's hard to keep that love of wackiness with the Inner Child alive because other than the dvds and video sources in my room, the people in my life don't help it. It's the feeling that even though I'm 20 years old, I still want to have spontaneous fun in life with friends. But my friends don't like that kind of fun, they rather have intelegent conversations, spend their time consintraiting on college and work, going home to relax and sleep early every day. After my stuff with college and my future job, I just want to go home, relax, set up my video camera, grab one of my puppets and act all silly and foolish. It's my joy in this crazy world and I feel that it's no one elses joy so therefore I feel lonely.

I feel that I care for nothing but fun in the world. I would not want to fall in love unless if I was going to have fun with this person. I don't want to make any more friends unless I knew that the person was going to be a fun person to be with.

I wish the same with getting a job but unfortunatly, I need the money to survive no matter how sucky the job may be. I'm already getting sick of college but I need to keep going in order to get a successful good paying job.

I feel like I'm a fun person always locked up by life. You know the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a duel boy?", well that's how I feel the world is controling me. They want me to work more and play less every second and it's never balenced. But at the same time, that's just a fear and worry than the logical situation therefore I'm in.

I don't know if it's wrong to keep playing and acting silly like a kid in my own free time. But It's my true joy and interest in this life. One of these days, I want to meet a girl (hopefally Tomboy) who shares the same joy of this as I do and friends too. But I just got to take my life day by day and see what happens. But right now, I'm SICK of the people in my life (no offense to them.)! Judgemental, Serious and or boring Conformists! (again, no offense to them.)

You still in touch with your friends and still hang out? To me it sounds like you really have some close friends. I got none. Just ones who like talking with me and that's it. TALK TALK TALK not Funny action. I would love to say to them "If you can't make me laugh then your no friends of mine." But I can't, they are the only friends that I have right now. And besides, 3 of them are Aspie and I started a support group in college so I must continue that. Those guys are good friends and all but Asperger's Syndrome is NOT what makes me, me. They're good friends because they understand the stress that I go through in life but they don't enjoy the same passions as I do, do you know what I mean. Everyday I wish to meet those kinds of people to make my life happier, but it's like waiting for something that seems like it'll never come. I just got to wait and see. I tryed praying to the lords but it always seems like my prayers are never answered.

My god - you're only twenty?!!

And 'they' are making you grow up?!!!

Tell them to stuff it, you have no intention of growing up before your seventies!

I'm fifty and I haven't grown up yet! (Yes, that is an enormous sequinned bow tie I'm wearing - on top of a mountain. What can I say? )

P.S. Why not put the link to your videos in your signature? Then, when we need cheering up, we don't have to hunt through the archives... Ta!

Okay, sounds like a good idea. I thought no one here liked them.

I totally see what your saying. But the only problem with my friends is that I'm not 100% confortable with them, I'm only 76% perhaps. First off, I can't say whatever I want to them. I wish I could joke about anything without worrying about hurting people's feelings. I hate watching what I'm saying. My friends can't take jokes on themselves. For example, I might have friends who conform into a certain religand like they take Christianity extremely seriously while I'm also Christian but I can take the worst jokes towards Christianity without being offended. I want to feel free to say what I want no matter how harsh or crude in a joking matter without anyone being offended. I want to act as zanny as possible and do almost anything for a laugh and the same with them. But the thing of the matter is, is they are just not like that. I know that no one is perfect, but even though they are great Aspie friends, like everyone else in my life. They are too serious and sensitive. I used to be sensitive but I toughend up and I feel better then I ever was.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound stubern or anything. I want to thank you for your advice.

You got it in one!

Oh, and thanks for the link! My kids think your videos rock too!

So now anyone who's not permanently bouncing off the walls having wacky crazy zany fun every moment of the day is automatically some sort of conformist sell-out?

I seem to have missed another memo.

Nah, only the ones who WANT to do that!

Personally, I like to have the choice - when I feel like being quiet, slow and conventional, I will (probably most of the time); But I reserve the right to be wacky crazy and zany whenever I feel like it without my age being used against me.