Aspies For Freedom

Yesterday i gave a speech to my form class on Asperger's and how it makes my life different to others. The reason i did this is because part of our pshe lesson was to write and speech on something thats important to us and say it to the class. We were also offered help from an English teacher on tips for giving a good speech. She said we could come see her if we wanted more help which i took advantage of. I went and saw her in her office and asked her about how to do eye contact when giving a speech. Because what i've always assumed was that because you need to look at the audience while talking that you should pick a person and look at them. But i also know that it can be intimidating for the person you choose to look at. Anyway she taught me that when giving a talk to a large group that there is no need to look at people but instead look at the back wall, and you should focus on something like a clock. Also she suggested writing look up at various stages on the speech so i would remember when to look up. instead i found it better to draw a picture of a simple clock at the times when it would fit in the speech to look up. The reason it is important to look up (this is what the teacher told me) is that it makes the audience feel included in the speech and that they are part of it. So you need to look up after each point so they can see your face and feel included which makes them more interested in it.

So i did the speech yesterday which was going extremely well. It was probably the best talking that i had ever been able to do. I managed to change the words around as i spoke to make the sentences feel more laid back and in a way my form could relate to quite well. I was able to look at their faces to see their feelings to the speech (i focused on one person in particular for me to just get feedback from though facial expression()) i did look at other though,  and i could say extra parts to the speech to make what i was saying seem more acceptable to them. Also i managed to move my hand in a natural way as i spoke for a bit so it was like my hand was flowing with the words.

Although i did see my hand+ wrist was shaking which i had no control over which is unusual for me because the only way i could stop that showing was by pressing my arm against my stomach and i have a feeling that that didn't work too well but i was not very aware of it.
But i had a meltdown mid speech, although luckily i had just explained about me having meltdowns so as least everyone knew what happened. It irritated me that it was too much of a cliche, also i was not upset at all when doing the speech. I was very happy because i felt very proud of myself but my body could not longer cope.
My friend who is in my class who has experience with me having meltdowns took me to the girls toilets where i could sit down on the basins (theres a part of it where it is comfy and not wet) but the most peculiar thing happened to me. Straight away after wards i was able to say exactly what i was feeling in words. Which made sense to other people which so rarely happens and that usually only happens after i have planned what i am going to say. Also for the rest of the day i was very talkative and was able to make small talk with people i barely know.
I'm unsure why this happened, i think its linked to the fact that i talked about something personal and so important to me.

The most important outcome from this speech which is what i was hoping for is that people in my class are able to understand me. Probably not completely but at least they realise that i am not just like them because i look normal. I am very interested in what was said when i left the room which is a shame i will never know exactly what was said. I asked a boy in my class and he said (although he is generalising and not using exact words) that everyone all thought i was very brave and had no idea what i go through. Also the English teacher said how well i was doing.
She came and saw me soon after the melt down in the toilets to see if i was okay and said some nice things to me which stopped me being so hard on myself. I was very upset after the meltdown because i really thought i could do the speech and also because its so important for people to be able to understand something that is so different from them by hearing the whole speech which will improve how i am treated at school.

Gosh, you were very brave! I do not think that I could have done it. When I was at school we always had to take part in an annual Drama competition - it was compulsory that everyone took part. I always felt that I did really badly; but our class always won, so it couldn't have been all that bad!

But I always shook badly after my part, even though it was always a small one (one or two lines).

Standing up and doing a speech by myself to the class would have been beyond me, so:

WELL DONE!

thanks. i am going to finish my speech next week i'll give an update of what happens then.

i've got my speech tomorrow, i'm feeling nervous but one boy in my class has been very nice to me and told me he was looking forward to it tomorrow. no one else has mentioned it to me though but i think thats because they saw me crying so they are worried about upsetting me. i did notice a boy in my class looking at me during registration with the expression of lots of thinking so i assume that was him thinking about the speech, i wish i could ask people their thoughts without them instantly changing their thoughts to something that they think will not offend me because it loses the information i want to get from them , i'm having difficulty with thinking of the right words to say to get that form of information without them changing it so i am able to understand other peoples thoughts better. i've managed to explain this to my nt mother and now i can get her to say her opinions to do with how i appear without changing them to what is seen as acceptable to think.

  to start the speech of i am going to explain to them that the meltdown was not because i was upset but because of stress. because although i said that before in the speech, i don't think its that easy for them to dissociate crying with being upset. i keep on feeling very embarrassed when i think at how i was standing in front of the whole class with them watching me when i had a meltdown but i'm trying not to think too much about it. i know the English teacher from last week is coming back to my class to hear it even though she is supposed to be going to many classes to check the speeches.

thanks for your advice, its a shame i got it too late. i did the speech today and it didn't go too well. i found it very difficult to explain myself clearly or think properly while talking. the main problem is because a few people in the class were not there for the first 1/2 of my speech last week because of a rugby match and so it was hard to have to explain everything again but summed up which messed around with my mind because i knew i wasn't making much sense to them. also i was very scared of having another meltdown so i didn't attempt much eye contact or any other tricks. also my ability to talk has decreased since last week, i'm finding it very hard to be coherent.

Moo, It is just a thing. Retreat, regroup, revitalize, and reemerge when you are ready.  First of all, you were probably far more effective than you realize. We are our own worst critics, so you have probably picked yourself apart.  Stop doing that right now if you haven't already. Second, this was a tremendous learning experience. The only way to gain skill speaking in front of people is to speak in front of people.  That's why Toastmasters exists -- so people can practice speaking in front of people. Once you have processed your experience (and this take a little while for me), you will be much better prepared to do it next time. Finally, I respect anyone who puts it out there the way you did. You didn't get up and talk about something inane like what you did on your last vacation, you talked about something so very close and personal. You really shared yourself, and that takes heart.

Tell yourself - not that it didn't go too well, but that it went a lot better than expected!

You gave the whole speech, you didn't have a melt-down, you even managed some eye-contact!

You rock!

I can get nervous when speaking in public.  I had to give a presentation last year, and I think I was a little bit awkward.  But I think it's important to remember that people are sympathetic, they know how traumatic it can be.

But the other thing that's helped me was that when I was a student, a student group held a workshop (given by some blue chip company, because it was all about business skills) on presentation skills.  They gave us handouts to explain structure of presentations, and about when to use graphics and visual aids (and when not to), what kind to use, and so on, tips about using index cards with bullet points (and not reading from a long script).  It was really useful.

I think that's one good thing about being Aspie.  A lot of us have a capacity to learn and develop.  Just think of it as a process.  You can't expect to be perfect or even brilliant at presentations or public speaking your first time round.  You have a go, learn from mistakes, get more comfortable with it as you get more practice and you improve.

Clarification -- I am not a fan of toastmasters and I have never been to a meeting; however, the fact that such an organization exists indicates that speaking in public is something that many people practice. People who look like 'naturals' may have worked for many years to learn to do it well.

Glad you are feeling good again, Moo.

Hi semeasy!

WELCOME
to AFF!

Here is the speech although when i first did the speech i changed words around and included extra parts to make it clearer which i have no record of because i made that up as i went along. I printed 2 extra copies of the speech and gave one to my psychology teacher and one to the special needs teacher because i thought it would be useful + interesting for them.

Aperger's Syndrome
Asperger’s syndrome is a neurological disorder that affects the way I interact and communicate with others. It is a form of high functioning autism.
I was diagnosed with asperger’s last year, although it’s something I’ve always known even though I didn’t have a name for it before. Autism is hereditary which is why it can sometimes be seen as a race of people.

My brain is scientific; it is programmed in a different way to a brain of non-autistics. Because of this I find thing that are not scientific difficult to understand like social interaction.

Social interaction does not come naturally to me, the only reason I can act fairly normal around people is because I have learnt it, it is not common sense for me when something happens it means this and you do that, which most people don’t even have to think about when something happens. For me I have to memorise what to do and be able to recall it under stressful situations, like you would do in an exam.

I find talking difficult, my brain does not naturally think in English. I think in colours and shapes, which is the closest description you can get to how I think because how I exactly think is not covered in English. And so it can be difficult to turn my thoughts into words that I can then say. A way I have found around this problem is by being prepared for conversations, people can be very predictable with what they say and so I have been able to learn what is going to be said and can respond to people fairly accurately with my thoughts by preparing them before hand.

Another part of Autism is hypersensitivity; this means my senses are very strong. This can be a big problem for me because things basically hurt a lot.
When my hand rubs against a piece of paper when I am doing work it feels like it is rubbing against a grater. A loud noise will feel like there is a drill, drilling into my brain, which is why I can’t be in the 6thform common room when people play their music extremely loudly. My sensitivity can fluctuate, if I am particularly stressed I will be more sensitive to things around me, if I am calm I can ignore a lot of the pain.

Loud sounds will very often cause a meltdown, which is something all autistics experience. A meltdown is very similar to a panic attack and happens when I can no longer cope with the situation mentally or physically. I become extremely distressed and start shaking and crying. This can be triggered by a number of things other than noise such as prolonged social interaction and close contact with something I’m afraid of. I have a low thresh hold to stress.

This brings me to another part of autism, which are phobias. Autistic people tend to have a lot of phobias with variations of rationality. I am afraid of heights, enclosed spaces, being restrained and insects. I used to have a lot more but as I’ve got older I find I am less afraid of things and I am able to be more rational.

Despite this I do not see my Asperger’s as a problem, there are many benefits from being autistic and autism is not the cause of most of the problems I face from being autistic, it is the unnatural situations that I have to deal with and non autistics that causes me the most stress.
One benefit is that Autistic people have very strong passions for certain things, the most common being Computers, Art, Science and Maths. Because of our sometimes obsessive nature we can really concentrate on particular topic that we enjoy. These are often referred to as a special interest.
My special interest is human behaviour and psychology. In the past it has been the tv program lost, video games, a website called Neopets and cartoons.
The cleverest people in the world will have some form of autism and there are many famous Autistics in history such as Einstein.

Excellent speech, Moo!

It covers all the topics really well, both from a personal and a wider point of view.

Well done!

Thanks tigger the wing.
There are words in my head when i think but they don't come naturally. I tend to think first then put in into words. My brain nowadays can think quite well in words which is useful for planning conversations but i don't like that way of thinking. Every so often i get stuck when thinking in words and either forget the word i need or it doesn't exist and i then draw the "word" instead.

I understand what you're saying but the audience were 16-18yrs that are well edjucated with quite a few of them studying psychology so in that situation it was okay to use complex words.

cheers everyone