Aspies For Freedom

Full Version: Discovering shame
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You came here presumably looking for AS input. I am NT, so my offer of suggestion may very well equate to a nonscheduling of appointment. If so, feel free to turn me away at the door.

But in the instance you choose to take the input -

1. Best Practical suggestion:  Ask for the  assignment of a Graduate TA student for purpose of tutoring and answering student questions. Others have already stated it. The suggestion merits repeating.


2. Next best suggestion: Keep the door closed and locked during your nonscheduled office hours. As practical matter you may then choose to ignore knocks and need not answer the door. You can even add a sign. If door is closed DO NOT DISTURB.. the sign  says you are busy bluntly so you don't have to.

A closed door sends a message an open one does not to NT's. Just to provide some explanation, NT's often assign reasons to rules and view them in that context. They may see your "need schedule an appointment" as relating to the liklihood of finding you in or out of office vs. actual "need" to schedule.  Given that your job is one of teacher, it may not even occur to them at outset that you may not want to see them because you are busy with other duties. As a question of priorities, some may actually see your primary duty as that of teaching.  I'm not trying to be sarcastic here.  I just thought it might help to point out that for some barging in on you is not simply a matter of outright rudeness, for some it may also be more a matter of misinterpretation as to the underlying purpose of your rules or just the exuberance of youth.  That it becomes a matter of outright rudeness when you tell them you are currently busy and they still refuse to leave is undisputed.  Post scheduled student hours  and assume you have an automatic scheduled appointment to meet with someone during them. Open and close the door accordingly.

3. Most promising suggestion from a world perspective :  Tell your supervisor AND Students you are AS.  Simply introduce your next semester lecture series by telling your students you are AS and that means you and they NEED schedule appointments for reasons beyond those they may understand. How much else you tell them is up to you.
          
NT Explanation:

From my limited NT perspective, you have two choices; be seen as AS or be seen as an ***. (And no, I am  not equating the two here. To the contrary, your diagnosis is precisely why you should not be seen as an ***).  The AS carries no negative connotation for me personally. It would actually actively serve to enhance my respect for someone in knowing all they must have overcome to achieve what they have. The caveat there is that I live with an autism spectrum individual and so that does decidedly filter my life’s view. Will it negatively affect some of your students attitudes toward you – possibly.  Will your current unexplained behavior negatively affect students attitudes toward you – definitely.  In time I am sure you will be known as the professor who gives great lectures BUT heaven help the poor student who has a problem or question in his course.  I doubt that is how you want to be perceived in end.

I also think it may be helpful to share with you a recent experience. Our family is in the process of choosing college. We toured one over the holiday when no one was about, In course of our looking around we happened upon some professors in the hallway who asked why we were there and if my son were a candidate. When we told them he was and we were there to look at the facilities one of the professors actually offered to take him around, show him the building and answer any questions he might have. We would not have deigned to ask. He offered. My son and he actually chalked up a wonderful conversation, most of which i could not begin to understand, about nano buckets  and what not, and in end how to explain certain things to us layparents who hadn't a clue about any of it. I won't tell you the institution, but I will tell you it is top on my list of choices, at minimum for having such a responsive faculty body in field of area of my sons interests (not to overstate it, the institution also has an exceptional research program to match).  But on reading your comments, I can just see my son, whose curiosity bubbles over on such things, running to see his professor in his enthusiasm over something or other, only to be told to get out.  And my son has an autistic sibling, so how much easier it would be for him to understand the situation, and his "need to schedule" if he were simply to know the professor is AS.  To me what you say presents a great immediate problem.  I’m really curious as to how many of the students who overlooked the scheduling of appointment and were told to get out ever bothered to come back for the help they may have actually badly needed. As a student I know I would not have. I would have been far too embarrassed by the encounter on first instance.

As a parent, and in fairness in presenting this, I have to tell you at some point in the reading of your comments they actually angered me.  . Some schools we are looking at are priced at $46.K + a year, at that cost,  I think the Universities’ first obligation should be to provide what it is the students are paying for, a higher education... which I suppose takes me back to the suggestion of getting a Graduate TA student assigned as in the absence of you outing yourself that would probably function best for all. .

You could probably continue to get away with things the way they are.  One can't argue with the rule per se, and the majority of college students never bother to approach their professors in office while taking their courses anyway.  Actually, if memory serves correctly,  I even  knew a number of fellow students who never attended any of  the lectures to courses. What a waste.  But it is also the point. The only students who bother to see the professor are those who are having difficulty or who are actually really interested in the subject area.  Which raises another question for me...why do you teach? Do you teach to teach,  because you like the process of imparting the knowledge, or do you teach, like I do paperwork, because it a necessary evil of the job, one that simply enables you to do what it is you really want to do (the research)?. If it is the later, then clearly assignment of a Graduate TA student is for you.

As to just telling your supervisor, how does that help?  Certainly not the students. Are you simply looking to be excused, for a pass on the behavior/limitation?  You already have a pass in having set the rule.  Your supervisor already knows you are "eccentric" by NT standards, he just doesn’t know why.  Telling him why does not solve the underlying practical problem created, what really needs to be solved here...  telling your students might.

Look, I’m not saying it is fair. It is NOT.  In an ideal world your posting a notice that student appointments need be scheduled should be enough. Any  comments  from other posters regarding our children having been overly doted on and not taught proper manners is acknowledged and echoed.  They should simply respect your rules for your having stated them, true.. and that will likely be the position of some on this forum. It is a perfectly valid position.... at least for the ideal world. But this is not the ideal world we are living in. 

To me understanding has always aided in compliance. I vote for putting it out there and hoping for the understanding, not just with supervisor, but with students. I also vote for putting it out there so as to allow yourself and your students to both grow together in it. Who knows, maybe I'm the one trying to live in an ideal world here, but I honestly believe they may pleasantly surprise you.... at least some of them.  And the ones who do may come to count for something in future.  You may even find a number of AS hidden in your student body who can actually use you to advantage as positive role  model.

This is an aside, but I will boldly add that positive models, NOT NT BUT AS, are the main reason my autistic son is where he is, has come as far as he has, and is trying to do what he is trying to do. How thrilled do you think I would be to learn that my son's college professor is AS.  A lot more thrilled than I would be to learn his college professor is an ***. Sometimes it is all simply a matter of perspective... and if you are into this group, AFF, changing prespectives.

For what it is worth, I think you should be extraordinarily proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. As you so aptly state who you are is in large part why you have accomplished what you have in your field.

Having said that, I'll also say what I think, my opinion, is wholly immaterial.   I am also aware that by no small measure my opinion is far too easily stated, since I am an NT and not AS. But it is still truth. It is what you think and do that ultimately matters. I hope in the end the name of this thread ends up being a misnomer. I hope it ends up to be about discovering pride... and sharing it

Not how I planned to return to the forum ....
Perhaps I'll be saved from massive criticism by the long length of the entry.

SheWhoCan'tThinkOfAUsername Wrote:
Louise's previous posts have nothing to do with her post in this thread.


True - my post was about her returning to the forums, rather than about her comments on this thread. No thread is an island, after all...

I didn't think Louise's post was aggressive. In fact I thought it was helpful.
This comment is a general comment that I'm hoping everyone will read - but I don't think it would help anyone if this thread turned into an argument.  Maybe it's better just to let things lie sometimes and go on with helping people and focusing on more important things.

kylo4 Wrote:
Bruce makes sense.


*grins* It took me a while to work out who you were talking about. Very clever.

kylo4 Wrote:
I'm not sure if he minds it or not but I have a habit of doing that to him. I still haven't traversed the "Mr. Wayne" waters yet though.


Well, as long as we're on the topic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQBobrCBTNI

Batman55 Wrote:
I'm left wondering if this is a good nickname or not, I was thinking maybe I should change it at some point, but then older posts that quoted me would be confusing.

It's because of the pop-culture conglomerate attached to it...  it's almost like my posts can't be taken seriously for that reason.  I should have come up with something more original when I first joined the site.


I wouldn't worry about it, really - it's a good icebreaker name, after all.

Tigger_the_Wing Wrote:
It's a great nickname!

I do get puzzled by the '55' though. Rolleyes

I don't think it's your age, or the year you were born...


I just thought he fought his way through 54 other Batmen for the privelage of the name... *grins*

kylo4 Wrote:

Batman55 Wrote:
I'm left wondering if this is a good nickname or not, I was thinking maybe I should change it at some point, but then older posts that quoted me would be confusing.

It's because of the pop-culture conglomerate attached to it...  it's almost like my posts can't be taken seriously for that reason.  I should have come up with something more original when I first joined the site.


We take you seriously, why wouldn't we? There's other user names out there that are a lot more obscure than yours. No need to get batty about it.


...though I'm often amused when I see him in the same conversation as "Joker" or "TheRiddler"... *grins*

But seriously, I don't even think about the name connection, usually.

So, if you're asking if we take your posts less seriously because of the name, the answer would be:

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah... Batman!

kylo4 Wrote:
Every time I see EvilZakkie's name I think of that Wii game Zak and Wiki for some reason. I've never played it nor do I own a wii, but I picture the front of the box.

In the end, people don't base your ideals off of your username (unless its really ridiculous) but off of what you say and how you represent yourself.


I've never heard of the game before - just looked it up, and it looks curious.

A Wii is about the only console I'd be tempted to shell out the money for...

Tigger_the_Wing Wrote:
This thread has been de-railed so far and so many times... Rolleyes


Lol, I know - I just figured that the OP's scenario has pretty much been covered from every angle, so we may as well have some fun with the thread.

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