Rebuff lines typically heard by men with Asperger:
1. (response to not being able to find a girlfriend) Have you checked the Virgin Islands?
2. Go back to your SPSS, you aren't going to find a significant relationship in the real world
3. A helium atom has a better chance of bonding than you do
4. Ionic bond, polar bond, non-polar bond, and Aspies don't bond
5. You're a standard deviation
6. You're so square, you're an equilateral rectangle
7. (asks a woman for her name) I'm Virginia (or Carolina or Georgia) and you're the Virgin Islands
8. You're a neutrino, you could pass through a light year of ladies without being noticed
9. Nighthawk, you're invisible to radar
10. You're not in my orbit, space man
11. Is that a black hole in your head?
12. You might have a Nobel Prize but you know nothing about my chemistry
Damn, there was another but I can't remember it
All right, now I got them all.
Anyone ever heard one of these in real life?
1. (response to not being able to find a girlfriend) Have you checked the Virgin Islands?
2. Go back to your SPSS, you aren't going to find a significant relationship in the real world
3. A helium atom has a better chance of bonding than you do
4. Ionic bond, polar bond, non-polar bond, and Aspies don't bond
5. You're a standard deviation
6. You're so square, you're an equilateral rectangle
7. (asks a woman for her name) I'm Virginia (or Carolina or Georgia) and you're the Virgin Islands
8. You're a neutrino, you could pass through a light year of ladies without being noticed
9. Nighthawk, you're invisible to radar
10. You're not in my orbit, space man
11. Is that a black hole in your head?
12. You might have a Nobel Prize but you know nothing about my chemistry
13. What are you, a biologist? A geologist? Go date some carbon, go date a rock, because you won't date me.
These could be used in a Bud Ice commercial (depiction of ice cold kind of person, mean like Anne on Weakest Link): "I've stepped on bugs taller than you....."
Hey, she's cold!
[i]But not as cold as Bud Ice. Bud Ice. There ain't nothing colder. Aneshuer-Bush, St. Louis, MO"
WARNING
This joke is PERV
...
Once upon a time there was a man. The man had a 50 cm long penis and felt it was way too long. He went to a witchdoctor and asked for help. The witchdoctor said he couldn't help, but he gave an advice. If the man travelled to the witch in the forest and made her say 'no', the penis would be 10 cm shorter. So the man travelled to the witch in the forest, knocked on the door and the witch came out. The man asked if she would have some baguettes he had brought. The witch said 'no'. The man went home excited and found that his penis hade infact become 10 cm shorter. The next day he did the exactly the same thing, made the witch say 'no' and got the same result. Now he had a 30 cm long penis, but he thought that if it was just 10 cm shorter it would be a totally perfect penis! So he travelled yet again to the witch in the forest and asked her if she wanted baguettes. She said:
-How many times do I have to tell you this, no! No! NO!
I liked that, really.
14. If you want fireworks, you'd better see a supernova.
15. The only Big Bang for you happened billions of years ago.
16. Love boat? You've missed the boat!
17. After a long day of digging up dinosaur bones, he has to go home and walk his
18. Rocket scientist, but he can't launch his own.
19. He was such a dummy variable, he thought he was one, but she thought he was a zero.
20. Why can't you be a normal distribution?
21. Can you normalize your database?
22. Adam was the first man on Earth, and if you were the last, I'd be a nun.
23. Adam was the first man on Earth, and if you were the last, she'd be gay
24. Women are so cold to you you need liquid helium to warm back up
Virginia is for lovers, except Aspies and homosexuals
My aunt was going through a bitter divorce. As the nurse on an Indian reservation we took her seriously when she said, "We had a anatomically incorrect baby born on the reservation" until she added "it had a penis and a brain"
Name contests for a female and a male college freshman magazine.
The winning nomination for the freshwoman magazine was New Millenium Woman
The only one that made it for the freshMEN was Modern Immaturity
You live in a male residence hall with guys who can't handle their testosterone...... By the time they figure that out they rent a flat off campus
Sounds like an episode of Degrassi Junior High, except Mom was the pharmacist..... Mom managed to avoid saying condom.... That is like 20 years ago though and only us old folk remember it.
...because you're dressed like a tramp and you bought, what you bought.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
Don't Read if you are under 14!!!!
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
Nice to see you told us half way through the joke. Hahaha. Luckily I am 14 anyway.
I thought that was clever Aeolienne.
An old farmer decided that it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years so the farmer figured that getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So, he gets a young rooster and lets it loose in the barn yard.
The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. "So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster, "I've got to do something about this!" He walks up to the new bird and says, "So, you're the new guy in town. I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? I'm not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I'm still the better bird and to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first, gets to have all the hens for himself."
Well, the cocky young rooster was a proud sort and he definitely thought that he was more than a match for the old guy, so he said, "okay, you're on. And since I know that I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easily."
So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the racae and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on.
After the first lap, the old roster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continued to slip each time around and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster.
By then, the farmer has heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shotgun, and ran out to the barn yard, figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shotgun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away.
As he walked away he muttered to himself, "Darn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
Did you hear about the man who was into bestiality, necrophilia and sado-masochism?
He gave it all up when he realised he was flogging a dead horse.
Mu hahahahahahahahahaha
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