WARNING!!!! THIS POST CONTAINS JOKES WHICH ARE POTENTIALLY FUNNY AND SO SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY PRUDES!!!!!!!!
DONT LOOK!!!!! YOU MIGHT LAUGH!!!!!!
DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YOU!!!!!!
PLEASE DONT SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!
just kidding.
primus aprilis omnes dies pro me sunt, simulque numquam est.
Fresh from a day in the taxi....
Why does Michael Jackson love to shop at WalMart?
Because all pants are half off.
Why does Michael Jackson prefer the Ramada Inn?
Kids stay for free!!
What does Michael Jackson call a school bus?
Meals on wheels.
How do you know it is bedtime for Michael Jackson?
Mickey's little hand is on his big hand.
Jerry Newport
how many irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2: one to hold onto the bulb and one to drink until the room spins.
How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, there is no need for light
How many ADHD ppl does it take to change a lightbulb?
ummm, we already broke all the lightbulbs...
How many Bush supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, we should stick with the current bulb.
How many Bush supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, we should stick with the current bulb.
No matter how dim he may be! :razz:
Can anybody tell me if it is really immature to laugh at fart jokes?
Can anybody tell me if it is really immature to laugh at fart jokes?
Who cares? Farts are funny. And it's far worse to be 100% mature.
Recently, the UN organised a worldwide survey in which they tried to gather answers to the following question:
"Please state your opinion as to the solution regarding hunger in the rest of the world."
It failed, because...
The South Americans didn't understand the meaning of "Please"
The Chinese didn't understand the meaning of "Opinion"
The Israelis and Arabs didn't understand the meaning of "Solution"
The Germans and French didn't understand the meaning of "Hunger"
...And
The Americans didn't understand the meaning of "Rest of the world."
LOL. I do think fart jokes are funny but have got lectures from friends and relatives saying it is inappropriate for a female my age to laugh at farts.
Carl Barron has some funny fart jokes; so does Billy Connolly.
Not if they're funny.
The pinnacle of speed = drawing back a wet fart just before it stains your pants.
Ouch! That would have to hurt!
LOL!
This one might get a couple of laughs.
These two men were drowning their sorrows at a late night bar.
Stan: My girlfriend broke my heart in 57 places.
Dan: That's no good, mate.
Stan: Yeah, Monte Carlo, Reno, Vegas, Houston, St Paul etc. etc.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call an Irishwoman with one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg?
Irene.
One of my friends said he knew Billy Connolly must have been rude when he first saw him on the telly because he thought his beard looked a bit like pubic hair (this would have been sometime in the 70's - around the time he did D.I.V.O.R.C.E.)
Lol!
Slightly subtle fart joke:
Sam: Why are you looking around for something on the ground?
Dan: Well, you said you just dropped one and I'm looking for it.
That's is bad, bad, bad (but in a sick way, kind of funny).
The following isn't a joke but I found it a bit amusing.
The next door neighbours were having an argument this morning.
Guy: "Where's the f'ing toilet paper?"
Sheila" "It's in the f'ing cupboard"
Pause...
Guy: "You bought the wrong f'ing brand. How can I have a s--- when you buy the wrong stuff".
Sheila: "I don't f'ing care. It was on special at the f'ing shop. If you don't like it you know what you can f'ing do with it".
Why did the autie cross the road?
Because he was obsessed with chickens.
Why did the aspie cross the road?
Because he was making a detailed scientific study of compulsive behaviour in poultry.
Whats the definition of torture?
A one armed aspie hanging off a cliff, with the urge to stim.
What do you call a politician with no eyes, no ears, no legs and no arms?
Anything you feel like, he can't do anything about it.
(theres no malice in the aspie jokes if anyone wonders for a minute, although there is plenty for the politician
)
Yikes! I saw one a bit similar to the Lysol ad, only it was for a guy with BO whose doctor recommended Lifebuoy soap.
But anyway, here's another joke.
Church Squirrels
There were four country churches in a small Texas town; the Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church.
Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about them. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God’s divine will.
In the BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter...
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15