WARNING!!!! THIS POST CONTAINS JOKES WHICH ARE POTENTIALLY FUNNY AND SO SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY PRUDES!!!!!!!!
DONT LOOK!!!!! YOU MIGHT LAUGH!!!!!!
DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YOU!!!!!!
PLEASE DONT SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!
just kidding.
primus aprilis omnes dies pro me sunt, simulque numquam est.
Fresh from a day in the taxi....
Why does Michael Jackson love to shop at WalMart?
Because all pants are half off.
Why does Michael Jackson prefer the Ramada Inn?
Kids stay for free!!
What does Michael Jackson call a school bus?
Meals on wheels.
How do you know it is bedtime for Michael Jackson?
Mickey's little hand is on his big hand.
Jerry Newport
how many irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2: one to hold onto the bulb and one to drink until the room spins.
How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, there is no need for light
How many ADHD ppl does it take to change a lightbulb?
ummm, we already broke all the lightbulbs...
How many Bush supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, we should stick with the current bulb.
Argh, I hate punch-line jokes! Probably because I'm just crap at 'getting' them in conversational situations, I'm a little angry at them. Give me the irony of Dr Strangelove and I'll understand it where nobody else does... Oh, er, I don't have a joke, so, don't listen to me!
I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international communist conspiracy, to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!
Ichtims, I hope you have a joke about norwegians because here's a joke about Swedish.
How do you get a one-armed swede down from a flagpole?
-You wave to him.
What was the color of Napoleon's white horse?
That's is bad, bad, bad (but in a sick way, kind of funny).
The following isn't a joke but I found it a bit amusing.
The next door neighbours were having an argument this morning.
Guy: "Where's the f'ing toilet paper?"
Sheila" "It's in the f'ing cupboard"
Pause...
Guy: "You bought the wrong f'ing brand. How can I have a s--- when you buy the wrong stuff".
Sheila: "I don't f'ing care. It was on special at the f'ing shop. If you don't like it you know what you can f'ing do with it".
WARNING
This joke is PERV
...
Once upon a time there was a man. The man had a 50 cm long penis and felt it was way too long. He went to a witchdoctor and asked for help. The witchdoctor said he couldn't help, but he gave an advice. If the man travelled to the witch in the forest and made her say 'no', the penis would be 10 cm shorter. So the man travelled to the witch in the forest, knocked on the door and the witch came out. The man asked if she would have some baguettes he had brought. The witch said 'no'. The man went home excited and found that his penis hade infact become 10 cm shorter. The next day he did the exactly the same thing, made the witch say 'no' and got the same result. Now he had a 30 cm long penis, but he thought that if it was just 10 cm shorter it would be a totally perfect penis! So he travelled yet again to the witch in the forest and asked her if she wanted baguettes. She said:
-How many times do I have to tell you this, no! No! NO!
Yours raised a giggle Chris.
I haven't had time to look at Marty's or read the longer posts.
Mine included, presumably?
>another miffed sigh<
Werner Heisenberg was stopped by a traffic cop, who demanded: "And would you care to tell me just what speed you were doing just then?"
"I don't know, but I can tell you my exact location."
And still none of my jokes are considered worthy of being dragged up and praised 11 pages on...
I'm surprised no-one here has remarked on the various desert island jokes. They certainly caused much amusement when I first learnt them and related them to everyone I knew... maybe they're showing their age. Or I am. :-I
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit the Japanese banking system...
That's really good! I like these topical jokes.
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