Aspies For Freedom

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon ans ask what period it came from.

I realized this and already worked it out.  There are nine possible pairings between the men and women, but not all at the same time, assuming each man must have one woman.  In that case, there are six ways for them all to swap mates.

Anyway, the "240 ohms" comes from the resistor color code.  In this case, the redhead means red which is 2, the blonde means yellow which is 4, and the brunette means brown, which is 1.  The first two numbers are as is.  The third number is the decade multiplier 10^1 = 10.  24 * 10 = 240.  In electrical engineering, the unit of resistance is the ohm.  Resistors are small electrical components that are marked with colored bands to identify their value in ohms.

I know it's very much an inside joke.  That's why I apologized.

Confucius say, "Virginity like bubble; One prick - all gone!"
Confucius says, "A constipated man does not give a crap."
Confucius say, "Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk."
Confucius says "Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk."
Confucius say, "Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."
Confucius say, "Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."
Confucius say, "Man who scratches *** should not bite fingernails."

CURTAIN RODS----

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house,eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?!

The story of the newspaper advertisement for a Rolls-Royce in perfect condition for $50. The man called the number in the ad, and a woman assured him it was for real, inviting him to come over and examine the car.

Sure enough, it was a late-model Rolls, in perfect condition. The man hesitantly told the woman that he thought the car was worth rather more. "$50 will be fine, thank you!"

"I'm really nervous about becoming involved in a situation I don't understand. I feel I'm cheating you, though of course I'm delighted with the deal."

"Very well, young man, if you insist. I am the executrix of my late husband's will, in which I am instructed to sell this car and give the proceeds to his secretary."

After I  send a copy of WOM's joke about the ATMs to a friend, I got this reply:


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vordskontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.



John



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ah,
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."

The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"

A two seater aircraft crashed in a Cemetery in Ireland.The Police have so far recovered 1850 bodies and expect to find more.

Do your housework during the day!

oh, don't tell me that you can still find those oldies on the net.
O.K., here's one I remember from long ago:

Morning, Honecker steps on the balcony of his office, takes a deep breath and says: "Good morning sun, have a nice day." The sun answers: "Good morning Erich, have a good day as well."
Noon, Honecker steps on the balcony of his office, takes a deep breath and says: "Hello sun, how are you doing?" The sun Answers: "Hello Erich, I'm fine, how are you?"
Afternoon, Honecker steps on the balcony of his office, takes a deep breath and says: "Good afternoon sun, how was your day?" The sun answers: "Kiss my ***, Erich, I'm in the west now!"

now are you an aussie, an ossie or a wessie?

I didn't ask about your age

One shot of donated sperm (about 5cc), 200$, one gallon of that stuff should be around 151416.47$.

I'm still working hard on my first gallon

A few thoughts about that:
(Attention, this is goin' to be my first serious post on AFF ever!)

The more you care about your blood pressure or cholseterol level, the likelier you'll get a heart attack from all your bad thoughts.

And another point:
According to my own statistics, drinking "diet" beverages rises your bodyweight!
I'm not exactly thin, but I drink my regular coke, red-bull, or whatever other "soft-drink"*
But most people I see, who drink all those diet-*** are much fatter than me**. Must be some connection, no?

* in Germany beer is considered a soft-drink
** I'm not talking about psychopathic young women who torture themselves with zerofat and zerosugar diets.