Aspies For Freedom

OK, if you like fart jokes, here's my favorite immature one...

Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon ans ask what period it came from.

I just made up this joke today while organizing resistors.
Though, I must apologize to many of you who probably won't get it.

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are sitting together at a bar.
Then, walks into the bar, side by side, a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette.  The physicist says, "I see 3 beautifully symmetric women."  
The mathematician says, "I see 6 possible mating combinations for us."  
The engineer says, "I see 240 ohms."

I just made up this joke today while organizing resistors.
Though, I must apologize to many of you who probably won't get it.

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are sitting together at a bar.
Then, walks into the bar, side by side, a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette.  
The physicist says, "I see 3 beautifully symmetric women."  
The mathematician says, "I see 6 possible mating combinations for us."  
The engineer says, "I see 240 ohms."

I realized this and already worked it out.  There are nine possible pairings between the men and women, but not all at the same time, assuming each man must have one woman.  In that case, there are six ways for them all to swap mates.

Anyway, the "240 ohms" comes from the resistor color code.  In this case, the redhead means red which is 2, the blonde means yellow which is 4, and the brunette means brown, which is 1.  The first two numbers are as is.  The third number is the decade multiplier 10^1 = 10.  24 * 10 = 240.  In electrical engineering, the unit of resistance is the ohm.  Resistors are small electrical components that are marked with colored bands to identify their value in ohms.

I know it's very much an inside joke.  That's why I apologized.

Confucius say, "Virginity like bubble; One prick - all gone!"
Confucius says, "A constipated man does not give a crap."
Confucius say, "Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk."
Confucius says "Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk."
Confucius say, "Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."
Confucius say, "Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."
Confucius say, "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

After I  send a copy of WOM's joke about the ATMs to a friend, I got this reply:


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vordskontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.



John



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------
Dreamer you have good taste- "Dr. Strangelove", one of the funniest movies of all times!

The guy above's name was Hayden Sterling and he was a fantastic actor. He was also the cop in Godfather. Just fyi.

ah,
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."

The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"

A two seater aircraft crashed in a Cemetery in Ireland.The Police have so far recovered 1850 bodies and expect to find more.

Do your housework during the day!

oh, don't tell me that you can still find those oldies on the net.
O.K., here's one I remember from long ago:

Morning, Honecker steps on the balcony of his office, takes a deep breath and says: "Good morning sun, have a nice day." The sun answers: "Good morning Erich, have a good day as well."
Noon, Honecker steps on the balcony of his office, takes a deep breath and says: "Hello sun, how are you doing?" The sun Answers: "Hello Erich, I'm fine, how are you?"
Afternoon, Honecker steps on the balcony of his office, takes a deep breath and says: "Good afternoon sun, how was your day?" The sun answers: "Kiss my ass, Erich, I'm in the west now!"

now are you an aussie, an ossie or a wessie?

I didn't ask about your age

One shot of donated sperm (about 5cc), 200$, one gallon of that stuff should be around 151416.47$.